mazzy
Evil cannot be undone
- Jun 30, 2023
- 24
First of all, thought it would be funny if I stabbed at the good old Reddit type post lmao, and couldn't actually write this on Reddit since 1. I don't use it and 2. The roommate I'm talking about loves AITA threads so that would be hella embarrassing if she read this. also the slightly nsfw is because I mention sex a lot but don't go into to much detail lol. Also a bit of a vent too.
Anyways I moved out at 17 with one of my friends, her sister and her sisters' boyfriend. My friends name is Renae.
Renae and I go way back, we've known each other since 3rd grade but never really became friends until our junior year in highschool. We became very close from that point and I think we both had moments where we had small crushes on each other haha. Anyways one day she asks me if I would like to move with her, her sister and her sisters boyfriend to a town 3 hours away from our hometown. Our hometown is very small, small redneck town where your business is everyone's business. So I was desperate to get out, so I said yes.
We had concrete plans to move away all together, but we still had around 2 months until we moved.
So during those 2 months a guy and I started talking, except this guy had been involved Renae (another small town perk). They never had sex but they were very close and honestly didn't have a bad "break up", if you could call it that. He started texting with me and before anything got physical I asked Renae, "Are you okay with me fucking around with this guy? I know you too have history and if it upsets you at all I won't do it." Because GOD I hate the stereotypes of girls getting with their friends ex's or bfs. Not to mention she's my first friend that I want to have a healthy dynamic with. Her and I had a very deep talk about it because I wanted her to be able to set boundaries with me and be honest. She told me she had no problem with it and just wanted me to have fun. I made it very clear I didn't want to date him just have a fwb kinda situation.
I even told the guy that if she had a problem with us seeing each other I would not be seeing him. Since she gave me the all clear tho him and I started something. Not a relationship, especially since I was moving in 2 months, just purely sexual and still being able to have a friendship. Him and I actually formed a pretty good friendship, and the time came to move.
Renae and I moved in and everything was really great, and I continued to have a friendship with this guy. We would visit our hometown occasionally, and I would meet up with him and we'd have some time together. I'd text him and call him some nights and we'd talk. During living with Renae her and I got close too, our friendship became way stronger, but when this guy would text me or call me when I was around her or I would talk about him vaguely she would get pissy and upset and I could tell something was up. I just waited for her to come and talk to me because I thought we had cleared it all up in our deep talk about it.
Eventually, I bring him up again and she just goes silent, walks to her room after giving me the silent treatment for 15 minutes then locks herself in her room for the rest of the day. Next day I'm coming home from some stressful stuff so I come home crying and before I enter the house she comes out and tells me she needs to talk to me. She tells me that me having any kind of relationship (not necessarily romantic) did make her uncomfortable and it really DID upset her originally, but she was over it now but that's why she had been so pissy. I felt like absolute shit for a while after that because I really did just fulfill the stereotype of friends fucking your ex.
After that I just really did not talk about him in front of her, would not let her come into my room when I was on the phone with him, and would still meet up with him when we went to our hometown. A month had passed and I brought him up vaguely to her and she was not happy, she told me she actually just didn't want me to talk about him, not even mention his name as it just upset her to bad.
So I was just completely over it, because if she had told me these things in the beginning I would've never even let myself get this close with this guy. So I did what I would have done originally, I dropped him completely. Especially since Renae and I were living together now, just a single wall apart 24/7, I didn't need that drama. It did hurt a bit because he really was a good friend. I actually did shrooms a week after dropping him and cried for an hour because I felt like a such a dick for ghosting him like that, even more because I knew our friendship was mutual so I'm sure he felt like he did something wrong or something. So I have no contact with this guy at all anymore.
Now onto the next thing, her and I work together to. We both are employed at the same place and have the same schedule so I can drive her, because she does not have her license and honestly refuses to get it. We have a coworker, let's call him Aiden. We start hanging out with Aiden because he's kinda chill and also smokes weed. Renae and I smoke ALOT of weed. One night he spends the night in her room and I'm not stupid so I ask her after he leaves, "Did you fuck?" and she tells me no and I trust her so I believed her. Well two days later at work she drops the news on me, "oh yeah btw, me and Aiden did fuck." I was a little shocked she would lie to me about that because I thought she knew I wouldn't judge her. I'm actually very happy for her that she's exploring a healthy sex life but let me describe Aiden. Aiden is an ex meth head who got clean barely 5 months ago, just got out of a horrible dependent relationship with another meth head, he's balding at 23 from the drug use, has stinky breath and a shitty tattoo of a penguin smoking (I love janky tattoos as I have a few but this one's next level). So obviously I think my 18 yo, beautiful friend deserves a bit better. BUT she's a grown women now and can make her own choices.
One night Ranae yells at me, and when someone yells at me I go silent. So I go silent but we hang out with our friend and they want to pick up Aiden and I really didn't want to see him that night since I was a mess. I thought we'd drive around for a bit, smoke with him then drop him off. No, he came back to our house and I made it very clear I wouldn't be driving him home. He told me "No worries, I'm not spending the night I have a ride home." That was a huge relief off my shoulders as I really did not want to. The only person I'll drive around for free is Renae. So I go to bed, next morning he's still there and guess who has to give him a ride home…me! So I drive him home after knowing fully well he just flat out lied to me, and Renae later told me he never had a ride to begin with and was fully planning on spending the night. Now that pissed me off, I hate when men lie to me. Makes me feel like a fucking idiot honestly. So I told Renae I would no longer be giving him rides unless he apologized to me as he does not get to come into my home and lie straight to my face. That day I also find out from coworkers he just wants me to leave them alone when he's over, so now when he comes over I don't even try to smoke with them or interact with him because he obviously isn't there to attempt to talk to me. After I stopped joining them when we hung out he would send Renae to ask if he could hit my vape, have some weed to smoke or use the torch. So I really don't like him. As he's made it really clear to me that he really isn't there for anything but having sex with Renae, which is okay as they are both clear with that.
Worst part is Aiden does not keep his mouth shut, he automatically told one of our coworkers THE night they fucked for the first time so pretty much all of the staff is very aware that Aiden and Renae are fucking on the side. To the point our manager jokes about it. At first Renae even had the audacity to be upset at me, but I kept so silent about it I didn't even tell one of our closest friends.
Then Renae gets a UTI, a really really bad one. So I tell her you better not have sex with Aiden and what does she do? Has sex with Aiden (if you aren't aware DO NOT have sex with a UTI, it won't worsen it but will prolong the healing process) So with her already awful UTI and not letting it heal properly she ends up in the ER. So obviously she misses some work and since I'm her roommate I get to be the bearer of bad news to our general manager, and I just tell her the truth as she's a women who has struggled with ovarian cancer so if anyone would understand it would be her not to mention lying to your boss about medical stuff isn't a good idea as they will get the medical excuse of absence and get the truth either way. Renae also tells Aiden, what does Aiden do? Tell our coworkers so now YAY all the staff knows now that Renae has a raging UTI! And who does she blame for it? ME! double yay, so she was very shameful when she came back and redirected it as anger towards me.
Renae is very aware I do not like Aiden. One day we get the all clear to leave work but she wants to stay and help Aiden finish his work. I tell her I'm not helping and am going to go clock out. She says "hey come on he's our friend!" And I said "No, he's your friend. He's made it very clear to me he's not" and I go and clock out and wait for her outside. When she finally comes out she does not talk to me the whole way home, slams the front door in my face, doesn't talk to me at all at home until she drops into my room and asks "hey can I smoke?", smokes in my room then goes over to Aidens.
Or the other day when we were in the car and I asked her, "now that Aiden has his own place- (yeah this 23 yo just moved out of his parents house)- could you maybe meet up there a little more" and she almost blew up on me. Went on a whole rant about how she doesn't even know if he like her, and that she pays rent too, and on and on. So I tried to deescalate by telling her he can still come over I just want her to ask. That really set her off. She was pissy with me the rest of the day, until Aiden texts her and say "hey now that I have my own place you should come over here more" and suddenly she was fine.
So now I don't even really bring up Aiden at all because if I do she gets very quiet and upset with me, especially when it's not a positive comment. But we see him everyday at work and she goes over to his place constantly. Kinda impossible to not bring him up whether it's positive or negative. She doesn't even tell me when she's going over to his house, usually she tell me a whenever she's going places but I just have to find out by realizing she's not anywhere in the house.
Anyways that's my weird dilemma, not that bad and honestly I can't do shit about it since she has bpd (aka she has to work it out in her head before anything can be done). Not blaming her at all it's just how it is, when I come to her with something this personal she just breaks down. So trying to make her understand I'm frustrated is impossible unless she's open to understanding it and doesn't take it as a personal attack.
One more problem is she really isn't an adult, she's not good with money and is actually over 100 bucks in debt to her sisters bf on rent. Can't drive, can't go into stores alone. She can't even pay for her own food, and I don't mean she makes me pay, she's just to scared to swipe her credit card herself so she hands me her card and I do the whole process for her. The other day we were at the store and I asked her to try to do it herself, as a little nudge to face her anxiety about these thing and she started crying. Can't talk to employees at Walmart to ask where something is, and down right refuses to ask a McDonald's worker to fix and order when's it's wrong. She stills wants it to happen tho, so I do it for her. I don't mind it most of the time but after a while it does straight up inconvenience me. when her family asks what she wants to do in the future and she says "I'm just going to kill myself." Which if anyone would understand ITS ME. Like girl I literally have a plan I'm just waiting for the right moment. Not to mention I have a major social anxiety disorder so I get a lot of the stuff she's going thru.
So any advice on what to do would be nice, I'm not gonna let this ruin our friendship I just am not sure what to do right now because I've tried the slow and healthy boundary approach. Even trying to push her in the right direction occasionally but it's just not working. Also I just needed to talk about this.
Anyways I moved out at 17 with one of my friends, her sister and her sisters' boyfriend. My friends name is Renae.
Renae and I go way back, we've known each other since 3rd grade but never really became friends until our junior year in highschool. We became very close from that point and I think we both had moments where we had small crushes on each other haha. Anyways one day she asks me if I would like to move with her, her sister and her sisters boyfriend to a town 3 hours away from our hometown. Our hometown is very small, small redneck town where your business is everyone's business. So I was desperate to get out, so I said yes.
We had concrete plans to move away all together, but we still had around 2 months until we moved.
So during those 2 months a guy and I started talking, except this guy had been involved Renae (another small town perk). They never had sex but they were very close and honestly didn't have a bad "break up", if you could call it that. He started texting with me and before anything got physical I asked Renae, "Are you okay with me fucking around with this guy? I know you too have history and if it upsets you at all I won't do it." Because GOD I hate the stereotypes of girls getting with their friends ex's or bfs. Not to mention she's my first friend that I want to have a healthy dynamic with. Her and I had a very deep talk about it because I wanted her to be able to set boundaries with me and be honest. She told me she had no problem with it and just wanted me to have fun. I made it very clear I didn't want to date him just have a fwb kinda situation.
I even told the guy that if she had a problem with us seeing each other I would not be seeing him. Since she gave me the all clear tho him and I started something. Not a relationship, especially since I was moving in 2 months, just purely sexual and still being able to have a friendship. Him and I actually formed a pretty good friendship, and the time came to move.
Renae and I moved in and everything was really great, and I continued to have a friendship with this guy. We would visit our hometown occasionally, and I would meet up with him and we'd have some time together. I'd text him and call him some nights and we'd talk. During living with Renae her and I got close too, our friendship became way stronger, but when this guy would text me or call me when I was around her or I would talk about him vaguely she would get pissy and upset and I could tell something was up. I just waited for her to come and talk to me because I thought we had cleared it all up in our deep talk about it.
Eventually, I bring him up again and she just goes silent, walks to her room after giving me the silent treatment for 15 minutes then locks herself in her room for the rest of the day. Next day I'm coming home from some stressful stuff so I come home crying and before I enter the house she comes out and tells me she needs to talk to me. She tells me that me having any kind of relationship (not necessarily romantic) did make her uncomfortable and it really DID upset her originally, but she was over it now but that's why she had been so pissy. I felt like absolute shit for a while after that because I really did just fulfill the stereotype of friends fucking your ex.
After that I just really did not talk about him in front of her, would not let her come into my room when I was on the phone with him, and would still meet up with him when we went to our hometown. A month had passed and I brought him up vaguely to her and she was not happy, she told me she actually just didn't want me to talk about him, not even mention his name as it just upset her to bad.
So I was just completely over it, because if she had told me these things in the beginning I would've never even let myself get this close with this guy. So I did what I would have done originally, I dropped him completely. Especially since Renae and I were living together now, just a single wall apart 24/7, I didn't need that drama. It did hurt a bit because he really was a good friend. I actually did shrooms a week after dropping him and cried for an hour because I felt like a such a dick for ghosting him like that, even more because I knew our friendship was mutual so I'm sure he felt like he did something wrong or something. So I have no contact with this guy at all anymore.
Now onto the next thing, her and I work together to. We both are employed at the same place and have the same schedule so I can drive her, because she does not have her license and honestly refuses to get it. We have a coworker, let's call him Aiden. We start hanging out with Aiden because he's kinda chill and also smokes weed. Renae and I smoke ALOT of weed. One night he spends the night in her room and I'm not stupid so I ask her after he leaves, "Did you fuck?" and she tells me no and I trust her so I believed her. Well two days later at work she drops the news on me, "oh yeah btw, me and Aiden did fuck." I was a little shocked she would lie to me about that because I thought she knew I wouldn't judge her. I'm actually very happy for her that she's exploring a healthy sex life but let me describe Aiden. Aiden is an ex meth head who got clean barely 5 months ago, just got out of a horrible dependent relationship with another meth head, he's balding at 23 from the drug use, has stinky breath and a shitty tattoo of a penguin smoking (I love janky tattoos as I have a few but this one's next level). So obviously I think my 18 yo, beautiful friend deserves a bit better. BUT she's a grown women now and can make her own choices.
One night Ranae yells at me, and when someone yells at me I go silent. So I go silent but we hang out with our friend and they want to pick up Aiden and I really didn't want to see him that night since I was a mess. I thought we'd drive around for a bit, smoke with him then drop him off. No, he came back to our house and I made it very clear I wouldn't be driving him home. He told me "No worries, I'm not spending the night I have a ride home." That was a huge relief off my shoulders as I really did not want to. The only person I'll drive around for free is Renae. So I go to bed, next morning he's still there and guess who has to give him a ride home…me! So I drive him home after knowing fully well he just flat out lied to me, and Renae later told me he never had a ride to begin with and was fully planning on spending the night. Now that pissed me off, I hate when men lie to me. Makes me feel like a fucking idiot honestly. So I told Renae I would no longer be giving him rides unless he apologized to me as he does not get to come into my home and lie straight to my face. That day I also find out from coworkers he just wants me to leave them alone when he's over, so now when he comes over I don't even try to smoke with them or interact with him because he obviously isn't there to attempt to talk to me. After I stopped joining them when we hung out he would send Renae to ask if he could hit my vape, have some weed to smoke or use the torch. So I really don't like him. As he's made it really clear to me that he really isn't there for anything but having sex with Renae, which is okay as they are both clear with that.
Worst part is Aiden does not keep his mouth shut, he automatically told one of our coworkers THE night they fucked for the first time so pretty much all of the staff is very aware that Aiden and Renae are fucking on the side. To the point our manager jokes about it. At first Renae even had the audacity to be upset at me, but I kept so silent about it I didn't even tell one of our closest friends.
Then Renae gets a UTI, a really really bad one. So I tell her you better not have sex with Aiden and what does she do? Has sex with Aiden (if you aren't aware DO NOT have sex with a UTI, it won't worsen it but will prolong the healing process) So with her already awful UTI and not letting it heal properly she ends up in the ER. So obviously she misses some work and since I'm her roommate I get to be the bearer of bad news to our general manager, and I just tell her the truth as she's a women who has struggled with ovarian cancer so if anyone would understand it would be her not to mention lying to your boss about medical stuff isn't a good idea as they will get the medical excuse of absence and get the truth either way. Renae also tells Aiden, what does Aiden do? Tell our coworkers so now YAY all the staff knows now that Renae has a raging UTI! And who does she blame for it? ME! double yay, so she was very shameful when she came back and redirected it as anger towards me.
Renae is very aware I do not like Aiden. One day we get the all clear to leave work but she wants to stay and help Aiden finish his work. I tell her I'm not helping and am going to go clock out. She says "hey come on he's our friend!" And I said "No, he's your friend. He's made it very clear to me he's not" and I go and clock out and wait for her outside. When she finally comes out she does not talk to me the whole way home, slams the front door in my face, doesn't talk to me at all at home until she drops into my room and asks "hey can I smoke?", smokes in my room then goes over to Aidens.
Or the other day when we were in the car and I asked her, "now that Aiden has his own place- (yeah this 23 yo just moved out of his parents house)- could you maybe meet up there a little more" and she almost blew up on me. Went on a whole rant about how she doesn't even know if he like her, and that she pays rent too, and on and on. So I tried to deescalate by telling her he can still come over I just want her to ask. That really set her off. She was pissy with me the rest of the day, until Aiden texts her and say "hey now that I have my own place you should come over here more" and suddenly she was fine.
So now I don't even really bring up Aiden at all because if I do she gets very quiet and upset with me, especially when it's not a positive comment. But we see him everyday at work and she goes over to his place constantly. Kinda impossible to not bring him up whether it's positive or negative. She doesn't even tell me when she's going over to his house, usually she tell me a whenever she's going places but I just have to find out by realizing she's not anywhere in the house.
Anyways that's my weird dilemma, not that bad and honestly I can't do shit about it since she has bpd (aka she has to work it out in her head before anything can be done). Not blaming her at all it's just how it is, when I come to her with something this personal she just breaks down. So trying to make her understand I'm frustrated is impossible unless she's open to understanding it and doesn't take it as a personal attack.
One more problem is she really isn't an adult, she's not good with money and is actually over 100 bucks in debt to her sisters bf on rent. Can't drive, can't go into stores alone. She can't even pay for her own food, and I don't mean she makes me pay, she's just to scared to swipe her credit card herself so she hands me her card and I do the whole process for her. The other day we were at the store and I asked her to try to do it herself, as a little nudge to face her anxiety about these thing and she started crying. Can't talk to employees at Walmart to ask where something is, and down right refuses to ask a McDonald's worker to fix and order when's it's wrong. She stills wants it to happen tho, so I do it for her. I don't mind it most of the time but after a while it does straight up inconvenience me. when her family asks what she wants to do in the future and she says "I'm just going to kill myself." Which if anyone would understand ITS ME. Like girl I literally have a plan I'm just waiting for the right moment. Not to mention I have a major social anxiety disorder so I get a lot of the stuff she's going thru.
So any advice on what to do would be nice, I'm not gonna let this ruin our friendship I just am not sure what to do right now because I've tried the slow and healthy boundary approach. Even trying to push her in the right direction occasionally but it's just not working. Also I just needed to talk about this.
