Aight, the bus is on the way

[LifeOfTheCursed]

After weeks of contemplating my death and post-poning a couple of days i'll finally ctb in a couple of hours.

I'll be dropping off the rooftop of a 9 story building, i've always wished i could just climb on top of a building with a drink and listen to music. First time i climbed this rooftop was after the new year's as i was planning to kms. But i started crying when i saw the stars so clear and the view around me lmao.

I just came back from the rooftop, it's 6AM here and the only reason i haven't jumped yet is because there's a lot of cars in the parking lot, and while i know landing on one of those may save my life, i'm more afraid of not fucking up someone's chasis.

Honestly, seeing people's usernames here with a line on top is such a weird feeling. On my first post there was this gal/guy who was joking about grabbing a death note. Seeing that name with a line and accidentally reading their last post was.. weird. I only hope that whatever came next, be it afterlife, rebirth or nothing at all.. i only hope she is thankful of what came next.

My psychosis symptoms have been limited too lately as i've made peace with death. That or i have completely lost touch with reality. Which has been a good reason why i kept post-poning my death but they will come back eventually. It's a matter of time and stress, and the next days will be filled with stress i'm sure

I wish it was different, i wish i could have chased my dreams because if i was offered the CHANCE to just live a normal life and do what i had in mind you all wouldn't hear me from these posts you'd hear me from the news. All these stories i want to share. All these visuals inside my head i want to draw down on paper and digitally... but it is what it is. I've come to terms with letting them go. Wasted potential for sure. But that's the potential of them being succesful. Because they ARE good stories and i will be proud of what i have created till the end of time

You all are open minded so i want to say this: i'm not a religious person, i have lived my life the way i see fit and not trying to satisfy a god or do things a certain way because i may get in heaven. I see heaven as more of a fake promise... but i am willing to bet i will end up in hell. Not "dante's hell" as i ctb i'll become a tree torn apart by crows. The regular ass hell that i imagine is filled with blue flames that barrely "light up" the place. If i will rebirth, or if there is absolutely nothing after that would be...sweet, but if hell await me then so be it, i'd rather suffering with no hope instead of having hope for the better days that will never come

Y'all take care of yourselves, if you ctb do it sober and with a clear mind. Always try and turn around your miserable life. But if there is no opening for a good life, if you just can't see a way out i cannot blame you for whatever you're planning to do. But at least make sure you ain't causing trouble to anyone else (outside of the emotional grief that will follow, we have no control over that)

If there are any grammar mistakes sorry but i ain't re-reading allat

 

[Princess_Kitty]

I want to wish you best of luck and I hope you find peace on your last journey.

 

[breezeboy]

Im sorry it's come to this for you.
If you have any stories or drawings you'd like to share before you go I'd love to see. If you don't have access at the moment though I understand.

I wish you the best in whatever comes next. Safe travels

 

[Redacted24]

The view must be amazing. And your careful reconnaissance of the landing is thoughtful of others and for your succeess as well. I wholeheartedly agree that folks should have the right to ctb as long as their act doesn't injure others.
Sorry we're losing a decent person like you, but wishing you all the success in finding the relief you're seeking. See you in the next place!

 

[rozeske]

Am sorry it came to this end for you. I hope you won't feel any pain in your last moments and I hope you will finally find the peace and freedom you are searching for

 

[LifeOfTheCursed]

Im sorry it's come to this for you.
If you have any stories or drawings you'd like to share before you go I'd love to see. If you don't have access at the moment though I understand.

I wish you the best in whatever comes next. Safe travels

I don't have the time to write down 7 volumes worth of text from one of my stories which include a lot of changes in face expressions and fight choreography but i can tell you here what they are about

Nobody was my first goof story that i wrote back when i was 13, this was more of a videogame-to-comic adaptationnof my first terraria world lmao, but you can't blame me i was young. It was going to be focused on the meaning of life and it's fragility, as long as losing and finding purpose and motivation in life as the story follows the greedy fool "enchanted by the ripper" who was once seeking only easy to grab treasures develop into a proper man who would properly chase his destiny (finish the game) as well as finding meaning in the little things such as building a terrarium from scratch

The Risk Of Rain was another adaptation when i was young, but this time it was focused on men who did not get to chose their destiny as they get "drafted" into a war. They wanted to live a certain way, Dan Hailstorm "the Commando" wanted to become a Mercenary, the Bandit wanted to continue his journey of becoming a Bounty Hunter so on and so forth, only for their dreams to shatter along with the spaceship. This one was my first story to follow two different story-lines at the same time so it was nice to test just how well i can develop the story pacing

The Lives Of The Cursed. My baby and my pride. First GOOD original story, god snapped his fingers and everyone on Earth who tells a lie turn into eldritch monsters. But the story itself focuses on human bonding and grief, there is no plot on how one guy tries to bypass the "rule" so that they can lie to another. There are only honest men and women living there. Very few, about 30 to 40. Heavy themes of love, grief, every definition of being intimate with someone, but as well defying a gods rules, a girl tells her lover that she want to paint his body after they makeout, an act of sin in terms of catholicism but in the moment an act of pure love as it's the moment their bond has been formed days before her death, when the grief hits in. A whole arc of grief, how different people deal with it and how in a small community the unfortunate loss of a loved one is enough to shake the very core of a normal life. There is a lot more going on in this story such as God cutting the arm he snapped his fingers with, the holy spirit posesing it and going on a journey to find a certain girl who has not sinned, give her a child and RESTART the world with "no sins from the very begining"

Edge Of The Earth is more of a one-shot story, the earth is flat with a mountain in the middle of the world as the sun "goes around the mountain". It follows the story of a human looking robot, a military project who has escaped it's confinements, along with a girl that wields a 50. Cal Sniper Rifle. This story's main theme is identity, purpose, and AI Technology as a whole, no matter how many upgrades the robot gets or how many weapons, there is this Bounty Hunter that follows them with just a revolver, rifle and Machete. One of the key scenes in this story is when the hunter hides behind cover, he runs after the robot and as the robot aims his gun and shoots the hunter, the hunter aims his revolver, SHOOTS THE BULLETS MID-AIR WITH HIS OWN BULLETS AS HE RUNS, and as he came close cuts the robot's arm off JUST AS THE GIRL SHOOTS THE HUNTER'S ARM OFF WITH HER SNIPER. It's supposed to mean that no matter how advanced the AI will be, it's straight forward and predictable. And humans will always find a way to counter it

God DAMN i write a lot, i've got a couple more stories but i'm too tired to write their concepts now

 

[SaveOurLastGoodbye]

I wish I had the energy to write a story. Unfortunately I haven't had the motivation or drive in quite a long time due to my depression and other issues.

If you are truly intent on doing it tonight, may the end come swiftly and painlessly as possible for you. It saddens me that you and your talent will be gone from this world, but I truly wish you the best.

 

[breezeboy]

Thank you for sharing!
"The Lives of the Cursed" sounds like my type of story for sure.
Me and my brothers played terraria growing up so I'd definitely fuck with that comic.

It's gonna pain me to never read them all the way through now. I won't forget them

 

[LifeOfTheCursed]

Thank you all for the kind words, i'll be going then, the bus is coming

 

[breezeboy]

I hope you've found your peace. Rest easy now

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope that you find the freedom you search for, best of luck in your plans.

 

[over.the.rainbow]

Sorry your life came to this. I hope you have found peace. If your attempt failed for any reason, please know you always have a place here.

 

[CocoToxBase]

Sorry this shit world has driven you into this decision but I hope you find peace, whatever is out there after death surely anything is better than living in this hell world.

 

[Tears in Rain]

If you went through with it, I hope you found peace.

 

[LifeOfTheCursed]

Yea i stopped at the last moment, saw some kids below me and i decided to step back.

Today was awful just like i predicted, it took me half an hour of laying on the floor to process it all and just calm down

BUT while i was on the rooftop i did looked around the building more, i've found a nice spot where i can drop with no cars. So for you to inagine the layout properly: i was planning to drop on the main street but there are a lot of cars parked there at night so i can't do that, on the opposite side there are all the other apartment complexes so if i stay too long i'll be seen and i'll end up just running away from whoever saw me, but on the right side, between my building and the next apartment complex there is a small-but-wide "alleyway" where i can drop on concrete with nothing to obscure my fall. So at the very least i have no other reasons to post-pone it except for my survival instinct.

I genuinely want to go for a mcdonald or for a casual walk rn my head hurts like hell

 

[rozeske]

Yea i stopped at the last moment, saw some kids below me and i decided to step back.

Today was awful just like i predicted, it took me half an hour of laying on the floor to process it all and just calm down

BUT while i was on the rooftop i did looked around the building more, i've found a nice spot where i can drop with no cars. So for you to inagine the layout properly: i was planning to drop on the main street but there are a lot of cars parked there at night so i can't do that, on the opposite side there are all the other apartment complexes so if i stay too long i'll be seen and i'll end up just running away from whoever saw me, but on the right side, between my building and the next apartment complex there is a small-but-wide "alleyway" where i can drop on concrete with nothing to obscure my fall. So at the very least i have no other reasons to post-pone it except for my survival instinct.

I genuinely want to go for a mcdonald or for a casual walk rn my head hurts like hell

Welcome back, don't be hard on yourself, it's not as easy as it looks. Take it easy, rest and treat your self. I hope your next days will get better until you finally get your freedom.

 

[LifeOfTheCursed]

Welcome back, don't be hard on yourself, it's not as easy as it looks. Take it easy, rest and treat your self. I hope your next days will get better until you finally get your freedom.

I really did treat myself lmao, two whole menus and a combo. Despite everything going on i'm blessed with having 60 kilos no matter the calories

 

[SVEN]

Every good wish, however things pan out. You can rehearse, change your mind or do the deed and be sure that we wish you well. I'm sorry your existence has brought you to this point. Go well.

 

[Tears in Rain]

Yea i stopped at the last moment, saw some kids below me and i decided to step back.

Today was awful just like i predicted, it took me half an hour of laying on the floor to process it all and just calm down

BUT while i was on the rooftop i did looked around the building more, i've found a nice spot where i can drop with no cars. So for you to inagine the layout properly: i was planning to drop on the main street but there are a lot of cars parked there at night so i can't do that, on the opposite side there are all the other apartment complexes so if i stay too long i'll be seen and i'll end up just running away from whoever saw me, but on the right side, between my building and the next apartment complex there is a small-but-wide "alleyway" where i can drop on concrete with nothing to obscure my fall. So at the very least i have no other reasons to post-pone it except for my survival instinct.

I genuinely want to go for a mcdonald or for a casual walk rn my head hurts like hell

Posters here before have said to aim for at least 150ft high to jump from. If storeys= 10-15ft, then 9 storeys = 90-135ft.

Obviously people have ctb from lower than 150ft. Just letting you know.

 

[LifeOfTheCursed]

Posters here before have said to aim for at least 150ft high to jump from. If storeys= 10-15ft, then 9 storeys = 90-135ft.

Obviously people have ctb from lower than 150ft. Just letting you know.

Thanks, i do know that, but it's a matter of how you are going to land too. Even if you jump off from the 4th story if you land on your head it's game over. I plan on jumping like this line / head downward. Even if my body does change the position mid-air it will be more likely i'll land on my back.

Because i don't plan on jumping normally, the building has this waist-level fence, so what i plan is doing a gate-vault over it and fall, this way my body will already be in the / position and even if i do spin around mid-air, it's very likely i'll land on my back, fully absorbing the shock and shattering my ribs, spine and vital organs