Angst Filled Fuck Up
Visionary
- Sep 9, 2018
- 2,975
Youth really is such a brief window of time. You generally don't stop to think about it in your twenties. You assume that everything in life is still ahead of you and that there is only bigger and better in store for you. You worry about how you'll establish yourself, what job or career you'll pursue, what your future family may look like. These things feel so important at the time. But years later, I look back on that shit and laugh. It seems trivial - like everyone around me was trying too hard to "play adult" too early on. We all had the weight of the world on our shoulders back then, because your twenties are such a defining time. It's basically when everything materializes. Or so I thought.
But life can be cruel. It doesn't give much of a shit who you are, if you're unlucky, you'll end up on the scrap heap despite your best efforts to create a decent environment for yourself. I never got the happy relationship, the kids, the career, the degree. None of it came to pass. Now I'm older with an undiagnosed condition and I pretty much just exist in a vacuum, without any of the good stuff that is supposed to happen to you, but with all of the bad. I've got the achy back, but no marriage. I've got the acid reflux, but no career. I've got the medical debt, but no 401k. Life is more cyclical than "always more, always better." Sometimes you're up, sometimes you're down. And either of those can occur at any point along the line.
We're living longer than ever. We have a reasonable chance at making it to 80, or even 90 or above. But who would want to be "old" for 40 or 50 years? After 40 you're basically already washed up for all intents and purposes, and I can't really dream up any valid point to going on and on. If you don't have kids to raise, you're without purpose and it seems silly to be a graying loser who nobody really needs or cares about.
I'm struggling to find any benefit to aging. Maybe you gain some wisdom. But so what? It's a meager consolation for wrinkles, cancer, cardiovascular problems, becoming uncool and irrelevant, and falling off people's romantic and sexual radars. Maybe the worst part is that you're supposed to be "over" all the petty desires of youth at a certain point. But I realize I'm not there yet. Not that I'm even that old. But it seems difficult to just forget about everything fun, shallow, hedonistic or whatever else. Perhaps I'm just not evolved enough. I don't know. But I do know I'm still pretty youthful at heart and that I can't reconcile growing old without there being any tangible reward to offset it. All I see are negatives.
Thank you for reading my rant. I do feel slightly better. Maybe that's something.
But life can be cruel. It doesn't give much of a shit who you are, if you're unlucky, you'll end up on the scrap heap despite your best efforts to create a decent environment for yourself. I never got the happy relationship, the kids, the career, the degree. None of it came to pass. Now I'm older with an undiagnosed condition and I pretty much just exist in a vacuum, without any of the good stuff that is supposed to happen to you, but with all of the bad. I've got the achy back, but no marriage. I've got the acid reflux, but no career. I've got the medical debt, but no 401k. Life is more cyclical than "always more, always better." Sometimes you're up, sometimes you're down. And either of those can occur at any point along the line.
We're living longer than ever. We have a reasonable chance at making it to 80, or even 90 or above. But who would want to be "old" for 40 or 50 years? After 40 you're basically already washed up for all intents and purposes, and I can't really dream up any valid point to going on and on. If you don't have kids to raise, you're without purpose and it seems silly to be a graying loser who nobody really needs or cares about.
I'm struggling to find any benefit to aging. Maybe you gain some wisdom. But so what? It's a meager consolation for wrinkles, cancer, cardiovascular problems, becoming uncool and irrelevant, and falling off people's romantic and sexual radars. Maybe the worst part is that you're supposed to be "over" all the petty desires of youth at a certain point. But I realize I'm not there yet. Not that I'm even that old. But it seems difficult to just forget about everything fun, shallow, hedonistic or whatever else. Perhaps I'm just not evolved enough. I don't know. But I do know I'm still pretty youthful at heart and that I can't reconcile growing old without there being any tangible reward to offset it. All I see are negatives.
Thank you for reading my rant. I do feel slightly better. Maybe that's something.
i wished it was unavoidable in a way, even 20-25 year olds are aging quicker they reckon and on average, likely living longer for the sake of the advances in modern medicine, i wished life was more swift in a way, at 40 i would be considered a mature student myself, i feel done with this shitshow too, have for a while, and it sucks so bad, i feel a young sprightly 40 tho, but knowing i have another plus 40 yrs of this shit is enough to bring out anxiety lol, i feel this post so much, so wanted to chime in with my piece, you make some very valid points here op, they are saying tho that people are living longer and ageing quicker on average, maybe due to the fast paced nature of our current society, i wish you well angst, you still gots it, rock it my guy, flaunt it lol, you always give me a chuckle here, love you pal 
