Venting again and again

[cath55555]

I'm having another psychosis episode and I can't fucking take it. my friends all know but I'm too scared to reach out. my mum knows. hell- even my cats know something is up, judging by how they're acting. I want to cry but no tears will come. I want to scream, but I hold myself back. I want to die, but I am a coward.

this happens again and again.

I can't take another day of feeling like this. I feel so wounded... the Dr's only had an appointment on Oct 13, which is over 2 weeks away... I don't know if I'll make it until them without having a complete breakdown and CTB, or at least attempting to. I'm so scared. scared all of the time. I'm having a fucking terrible day. I don't even live anymore, I exist at best. why the fuck can't I just go in peace...

 

[FuneralCry]

That must be really awful what you are going through, I find it cruel how people have to suffer so much in this existence. But anyway I wish you the best, it's certainly understandable just wishing to be at permanent peace from it all.

 

[am1485]

Sorry you're having a psychosis episode. Maybe you can go to the ER instead of having to wait two weeks? It sounds like you need some sort of help now. Maybe they will admit you inpatient and be able to treat you. But anyway, yeah psychosis can be scary I understand how it feels as I am schizophrenic. Are you on medication now?

Anyway, sorry to hear you are having such a difficult time. I wish you all the best. I hope you don't CTB while you are psychotic though. I think it's best to get treated first and think it through to make sure CTB is exactly what you want to do. Of course if you ultimately want to go that route best wishes and I hope you find peace. If you need someone to talk to feel free to PM me.

 

[cath55555]

Sorry you're having a psychosis episode. Maybe you can go to the ER instead of having to wait two weeks? It sounds like you need some sort of help now. Maybe they will admit you inpatient and be able to treat you. But anyway, yeah psychosis can be scary I understand how it feels as I am schizophrenic. Are you on medication now?

Anyway, sorry to hear you are having such a difficult time. I wish you all the best. I hope you don't CTB while you are psychotic though. I think it's best to get treated first and think it through to make sure CTB is exactly what you want to do. Of course if you ultimately want to go that route best wishes and I hope you find peace. If you need someone to talk to feel free to PM me.

I want to but if I went IP my family would probably disown me, so I'm terrified of becoming homeless on top of it all :/ I am on meds, but I'd ideally like them to be upped by my Dr to help me more. and thank you for the kindness. I've had ideation for a long time even when I've not been in an episode of psychosis so I do think it's the right choice for me. it's just difficult at the moment :/

 

[am1485]

I want to but if I went IP my family would probably disown me, so I'm terrified of becoming homeless on top of it all :/ I am on meds, but I'd ideally like them to be upped by my Dr to help me more. and thank you for the kindness. I've had ideation for a long time even when I've not been in an episode of psychosis so I do think it's the right choice for me. it's just difficult at the moment :/

I want to but if I went IP my family would probably disown me, so I'm terrified of becoming homeless on top of it all :/ I am on meds, but I'd ideally like them to be upped by my Dr to help me more. and thank you for the kindness. I've had ideation for a long time even when I've not been in an episode of psychosis so I do think it's the right choice for me. it's just difficult at the moment :/

Oh no I'm sorry. Yes I was homeless after I first went through psychosis. It is one of the hardest things you can face. I definitely don't want that for you. If your family will abandon you, I guess you will just have to wait the two weeks to see your doctor. I'm sorry I wish there was something I can do to help. :( I'm glad you are on meds though. I would definitely ask the doctor to up them when you see him. What meds are you on? I am on abilify. Anyway, hope the doctor will help you.

But I understand yeah CTB has been something I've been serious about for a long time too so I understand. I understand it's difficult at the moment but try to hang in there. At any rate, it's best to CTB when you have a clearer head. Its usually not a good idea when you are mentally unstable. But of course it is up to you. If that is what you decide to do I wish you peace. Hope you are feeling better at the moment.