Aftermath of a failed attempt

[DrownedOctopus]

I spent some time hospitalized after my last failed attempt. and now I'm on meds. This is the first time I've ever been hospitalized because of this or on any type of medication.
This is the first time anyone has even found me, and now EVERYONE knows what's been going on with me.
They all reacted as I suspected, and for the most part are trying to sweep it under the rug with the assumption that the meds are working.
Started with celexa, now I'm on prozac and xanax.
And literally none of it is helping, I feel worse.
Honestly, I completely understand why people kill themselves after getting on medication because fuck living like this. I felt better than this on my own, now I'm taking meds that make me regret not just slitting my own throat because that'd be better than living this way.
I'm starting to wonder if meds even actually work or if it only works on some people because they think it will. A placebo effect.
I gave it a shot, but it seems so fucking pointless if the outcome is the same.
I still want to kill myself.

 

[Slate128]

And you just want to shut everyone out and make them forget what happened...

I'll be trying new meds pretty soon. I know they won't work.

 

[Kringle's Curse]

Sorry this happened to you. That's why I'm trying to be extra careful and trying my best to put on a fake smile every day.

 

[Dead beat dad]

I'm sorry to hear that this has happened to you and you're now in this awful place friend.
Aside from meds and seemingly well meaning but unhelpful people in your life are you getting any professional counseling or therapy?

 

[Orin]

The same goes for me. Before ever taking psych meds, i only ever had one ctb-ideation, and it wasn't even serious (no planning, etc). After psych meds, i think of it constantly.

 

[DrownedOctopus]

And you just want to shut everyone out and make them forget what happened...

I'll be trying new meds pretty soon. I know they won't work.

I'm not making anyone forget or trying to. They ask me a million times a day how I am and why I tried to do it. I always give them an honest answer, I always answer, and I honestly am tired of it yes.
But I don't shut them out.

 

[Extremly kind <3]

I spent some time hospitalized after my last failed attempt. and now I'm on meds. This is the first time I've ever been hospitalized because of this or on any type of medication.
This is the first time anyone has even found me, and now EVERYONE knows what's been going on with me.
They all reacted as I suspected, and for the most part are trying to sweep it under the rug with the assumption that the meds are working.
Started with celexa, now I'm on prozac and xanax.
And literally none of it is helping, I feel worse.
Honestly, I completely understand why people kill themselves after getting on medication because fuck living like this. I felt better than this on my own, now I'm taking meds that make me regret not just slitting my own throat because that'd be better than living this way.
I'm starting to wonder if meds even actually work or if it only works on some people because they think it will. A placebo effect.
I gave it a shot, but it seems so fucking pointless if the outcome is the same.
I still want to kill myself.

What was your method....?

 

[DrownedOctopus]

Sorry this happened to you. That's why I'm trying to be extra careful and trying my best to put on a fake smile every day.

I did the same, I was only found because of some mistake and I fell while unconscious.
Now with the meds it's hard to fake anything, it's so much worse now than before.
Hoping the best for you, though.

The same goes for me. Before ever taking psych meds, i only ever had one ctb-ideation, and it wasn't even serious (no planning, etc). After psych meds, i think of it constantly.

That's awful, and I'm sorry that's your experience as well.
I hear too much about how meds make suicidal ideation worse, and I wonder if they ever even work.

What was your method....?

Hanging

 

[Kringle's Curse]

I did the same, I was only found because of some mistake and I fell while unconscious.
Now with the meds it's hard to fake anything, it's so much worse now than before.
Hoping the best for you, though.

Terribly unfortunate :( wishing you the best as well.

 

[Lara Francis]

I spent some time hospitalized after my last failed attempt. and now I'm on meds. This is the first time I've ever been hospitalized because of this or on any type of medication.
This is the first time anyone has even found me, and now EVERYONE knows what's been going on with me.
They all reacted as I suspected, and for the most part are trying to sweep it under the rug with the assumption that the meds are working.
Started with celexa, now I'm on prozac and xanax.
And literally none of it is helping, I feel worse.
Honestly, I completely understand why people kill themselves after getting on medication because fuck living like this. I felt better than this on my own, now I'm taking meds that make me regret not just slitting my own throat because that'd be better than living this way.
I'm starting to wonder if meds even actually work or if it only works on some people because they think it will. A placebo effect.
I gave it a shot, but it seems so fucking pointless if the outcome is the same.
I still want to kill myself.

Hi.
Sorry to hear that you are feeling so bad.
Ive never been sure about meds myself and believe that they often make you feel even more suicidal in the first 6 weeks of taking them whilst your body gets use to them.
I have tried so many and been in hospital numerous times to "keep me safe!" so i can relate to your frustrations.
Hugs x

 

[DrownedOctopus]

Hi.
Sorry to hear that you are feeling so bad.
Ive never been sure about meds myself and believe that they often make you feel even more suicidal in the first 6 weeks of taking them whilst your body gets use to them.
I have tried so many and been in hospital numerous times to "keep me safe!" so i can relate to your frustrations.
Hugs x

I know it takes a while for things to start working, and I have been trying to give it a shot.
I just completely sympathize with those who actually ctb after starting medication. It's weighing heavily on my mind right now, and I'm not certain I'll do any different.

 

[Lara Francis]

I know it takes a while for things to start working, and I have been trying to give it a shot.
I just completely sympathize with those who actually ctb after starting medication. It's weighing heavily on my mind right now, and I'm not certain I'll do any different.

Relatable.They only ever mask the problems anyway.I feel like some things can never be overcome as the loss (breavement) in my case is too much and suicide is the only option left personally.

 

[Broken Chimera]

I'm sorry your life is going the way it is rn. I tried a couple of meds before, and they never did anything positive. I know I'll never try any more pills. They don't help me even after being on them for some time, so I know where you're coming from.

 

[DrownedOctopus]

Relatable.They only ever mask the problems anyway.I feel like some things can never be overcome as the loss (breavement) in my case is too much and suicide is the only option left personally.

I'm sorry to hear that. I agree that some things can only be masked and not fixed. It's unfortunate, but I think the outcome in many cases like this.

I'm sorry your life is going the way it is rn. I tried a couple of meds before, and they never did anything positive. I know I'll never try any more pills. They don't help me even after being on them for some time, so I know where you're coming from.

All I ever hear are negative stories about meds. Why does anyone even bother with it anymore?

 

[WaterUnder]

The same goes for me. Before ever taking psych meds, i only ever had one ctb-ideation, and it wasn't even serious (no planning, etc). After psych meds, i think of it constantly.

Me, too!
How long have you been on the meds @DrownedOctopus ?

 

[DrownedOctopus]

Me, too!
How long have you been on the meds @DrownedOctopus ?

A month or so at this point

 

[WaterUnder]

A month or so at this point

Although meds didn't work for me, my brother did have some success with them, but he had to try different ones. That being said, I truly do understand where you're coming from. That failed attempt feeling compounded by seeing all those people you never thought you'd see.

 

[Dartz]

Medicate or stimulate, it's a vicious cycle. I'm so sorry you got dragged into it. Pills don't fix a fucking thing in my experience :/

 

[Broken Chimera]

All I ever hear are negative stories about meds. Why does anyone even bother with it anymore?

Because that's the only solution that the average person can think of. And whatever they think has to be the truth. Even though there's proof to the contrary. They have to have the pills forced into their mouths before they can understand.

 

[DrownedOctopus]

Although meds didn't work for me, my brother did have some success with them, but he had to try different ones. That being said, I truly do understand where you're coming from. That failed attempt feeling compounded by seeing all those people you never thought you'd see.

This is actually the first story I've heard of someone having success with meds. I'm glad it worked for him, but I honestly feel like they just keep making me worse despite my efforts to fix it.

Medicate or stimulate, it's a vicious cycle. I'm so sorry you got dragged into it. Pills don't fix a fucking thing in my experience :/

It seems to be the case anyways. It's fucking dreadful

Bec


Because that's the only solution that the average person can think of. And whatever they think has to be the truth. Even though there's proof to the contrary. They have to have the pills forced into their mouths before they can understand.

Everyone knows best don't they lol. Everyone is an expert. I think the solution nowadays is pump everyone full of meds until they're zombies and can't think for themselves.

 

[WaterUnder]

This is actually the first story I've heard of someone having success with meds. I'm glad it worked for him, but I honestly feel like they just keep making me worse despite my efforts to fix it.

It seems to be the case anyways. It's fucking dreadful

Did the doctors just assume you have MDD and anxiety? Did they do any blood studies, to check for hypothyroidism or anything?

 

[DrownedOctopus]

Did the doctors just assume you have MDD and anxiety? Did they do any blood studies, to check for hypothyroidism or anything?

I mean they drew blood
They didn't tell me why even when I asked. I assumed it was to check if I was on drugs. They also collected a pee sample I assumed was for the same thing.
I spent a total of 5 minutes with a psychiatrist the entire time I was in the hospital too.
I had to reiterate the same story like 50 times to different nurses and counselors, but that's all that happened. There was no point in hospitalizing me, I was even allowed to be alone in my room with the door shut. With things I could have used to hang myself from the door.

 

[WaterUnder]

I mean they drew blood
They didn't tell me why even when I asked. I assumed it was to check if I was on drugs. They also collected a pee sample I assumed was for the same thing.
I spent a total of 5 minutes with a psychiatrist the entire time I was in the hospital too.
I had to reiterate the same story like 50 times to different nurses and counselors, but that's all that happened. There was no point in hospitalizing me, I was even allowed to be alone in my room with the door shut. With things I could have used to hang myself from the door.

Yeah, your stay was pretty lame. Five minutes I hope you give yourself some tlc. You deserve it.

 

[DrownedOctopus]

Yeah, your stay was pretty lame. Five minutes I hope you give yourself some tlc. You deserve it.

I'm trying to do what I can, but everything seems pointless.
The whole ordeal was stupid and just a complete waste of time and space.
And thank you

 

[deathenvoy]

You have to go through shit load of meds to find one that is working. During last 2 years I was on 20 different medications and only recently find that prozac easies my depression and mirtazapine helps me sleep. I still have depression and still want to die if my problems won't be solved but my quality of life is better now.

 

[DrownedOctopus]

You have to go through shit load of meds to find one that is working. During last 2 years I was on 20 different medications and only recently find that prozac easies my depression and mirtazapine helps me sleep. I still have depression and still want to die if my problems won't be solved but my quality of life is better now.

Lol idk how reassuring that is. Not very much, but if it helps I suppose it's worth trying.
Seems like such a long time of trying for a marginal benefit, though.