Story after that mental breakdown u can see on my account

[TheWorstLife]

soooooo, u giys prolly saw me like ohh i need to kill myself! which i still do ngl, but like im able to be calm about it now. so basically in my outrageous stupor, i tried to hang myself in many places. i tried the doorknob and realized that was stupid since i have a sphere handled doorknob, i next tried in my closet on the bar hanging my jackets, and my little stand with all my clothes on it was in the way and i couldnt fall low enough, so i thought a little and decided.. the shower curtain bar. i grabbed my belt, my headphones for the last music id listen to, and then i went for it. tied it tight around my neck and then clipped the belt tight on the bar. (for context its one of those canvas belts with no holes and instead you click it down and itll stay like that.) i then stepped down off the bath tub and well.. i honestly bent the fucking bar i literally gagged and decided that hanging myself would not be for me, there was no fucking way id be able to do it. i thought i was gonna puke. is that normal? did i tie it wrong in my quickened pace? i think im fucking dumb because once the junkie girl im living with finds this bent shower bar she will immediately know since she saw this fucking website on my phone already. LMAOOOO how cooked am i? do i say, "oh no i was just looking 4 somewhere to do pullups?" i could get taken to the mhu for this ngl. i genuinely am such a pussy i cant even follow through with anything. was thinking of drinking the lysol but thankfully im smart enough to not give myself stomach ulcers or just scorch my intestines or something.. idk why im like this but ngl its funny, especially if you ARENT me. im a laughing stock. i wish i wasnt but can i change it? not really since im so damn impulsive when im distressed like that.