Venting After obsessing over a someone, my toxic behavior got me blocked by multiple people, I find it difficult to focus on anything else.

[GXMU]

I've been obsessing over one person for almost a year now. We had a lot of things in common - knew the same YouTubers, liked the same games, got the same niche references, I loved her. Come November 2022 and I get jealous over one of this person's other friends, who she seemed much closer to. I eventually went on a tirade to her about it, which she rightfully saw as a bit manipulative; making her feel bad for something she had no control over. But I was obsessive - at that point I'd already lost another close friend of mine due to a self-harm related outburst, so I needed a friend. She always had work to do though, so all I could do was sit back in misery. I couldn't take it. I eventually pursue her approval, which she wouldn't grant me because I had done nothing to earn it, but I never got a glimpse of what I was supposed to do. She gets tired of me, shows obvious malice towards me, doesn't respond to my texts, it's awful for me. Come January, we aren't friends, but I wanted her back so badly. Come February, I convince her to come back, but she's still distant, and says outright that she doesn't want to be friends in any traditional sense of the word. Eventually she ghosts me, I try to force a confrontation with her about it, but it only made it worse. She blocked me and convinced some of my friends to block me.

In the present day I feel really ashamed of it all. I feel like it's all my fault, and sometimes I want to CTB because of it. She seemed like a once-in-a-lifetime person, and she's gone now - probably forever.

 

[FuneralCry]

This forum doesn't really "encourage" suicide, supporting people's decision's that they've already chosen for themselves isn't "encouraging", it's just being supportive and this website accepts suicide as being a perfectly logical choice, it's a place to discuss suicide without all the stigma and pro-life toxic positivity, it's not forcing and pushing people to suicide, people choose to be on here and if someone decides to end their existence then that's their decision.

Supporting someone's decision when they plan to die is just being compassionate and respectful, it would be insensitive and insulting to say "don't do it, life gets better" when someone is planning to ctb, if you are looking to be told things like that then maybe you are on the wrong site as this isn't a pro-life toxic positivity site. But there's the recovery section for those who want to stay here, maybe you meant to post this thread in there. To me though when people label this site as "encouraging" suicide it comes across as someone pro-life who is against the right to die as nobody is told that they must die on here, only people have their decisions respected if that's what they want.

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

You deserve better than her honestly… The word "friend" is often thrown around without a deep meaning to it. I do remember having a "friend" who swore she had never done anything wrong to me and one day we happened to bump into another ( after not speaking for a couple of years) and she said she was so happy to have seen me and we chatted for a bit and then she asked for my phone number etc and I did give her mine and stuff and then later on I messaged her on what's app and a few days later she called me to hang out with her etc and we decided to bury the past (whatever had happened in the past) and she decided that she didn't want to talk of what happened in the past and in which way I respected.

Later on we hanged out a few times etc and it wasn't when until she started acting funny and not responding to my texts etc even having saying on the phone a few months earlier how she always see me as a sister.

Personally I have no problem with people not wanting to be friends anymore as people change etc or I wouldn't care who they are friends with because but it was the lies and the dishonesty that came from it. If you don't want to be friends then why not just say it (we are all adults here). I had done the same thing prior and she even asked my mum why I had stopped talking to her because I was young and it's something that I decided not to ever to do again to a friend etc (and it had hurt her).

Tbh I wish that day that I bumped into her she had never asked me for my new phone number because the least bit of decency a person can do is being honest with someone who she had been friends with for over a decade but then most people lack common decency. She was even talking to some of the people she had said some really terrible things about that if those people were to find out they wouldn't even talk to her but you know they truly deserve one another.

I like calling out the hypocrisy when I see it and oh the way we even began friendship was because she said she wanted to be my friend and I thought she was cool and that's why we were friends for such a long time until she became friends with people who had sinister intentions and she was used in their games but then she is an adult and she can make her own decisions just like how she wanted to be friends with me after this whole (fall out) from a few years prior.

Personally Jealousy is not something that I would use in my situation because there is nothing to be jealous of people who spent majority of the time gossiping and bitching about other people.

OP maybe she blocked you because she didn't want to hear the truth. The word obsessive seems to be overused now and in my case I have never been obsessed over a friend but rather just used to enjoy this friendship ( even though it had changed a lot in the last few years). I don't think it's manipulative to call out a situation as it is but rather the dishonesty about the whole situation and if she was so proud about the other friends then she would have been upfront about it rather than hide it.

And one of this so called friends that she is friends with now happens to be a guy who said wanted to sleep with her I guess he will be at her whimp all the time because he would be so desperate to hold on to that "friendship" since he had expressed his desire to sleep with her to me before.

I don't believe in once in a life time friendship at all as people change, grow old - believing in that will end up being delayed disappointment etc and I had people that I had become way more closer to than her in the past few years and after this I realised it was even a mistake for us to have exchanged numbers because if you regard someone as a friend you won't be part of an expose' and also exposing things that you did together…. (this leaves such a bad taste in my mouth)… I do even remember avoiding her other close friend who I bumped into after she had nasty fallen out with at the time because I didn't want to get involved with her other friend and I thought my loyalty lied with her but then I guess people are different just because you are willing to do something for a friend doesn't mean they will do it for you.

Don't have high hope for friends because that will mostly lead to great disappointments.

Anyway OP I hope my story inspires you and I wish you the best in your journey to ctb.

Edit- Please don't ever try to ctb over a friend unless there is way more deeper reasons than that. Friends are so easy to make if you really want to but personally for me I'm just not interested in friendships anymore.

 

[Rational man]

I'm sorry to hear your despair. This forum does not encourage anyone to ctb. I think you have a deeper insight into the situ which you share. From my view, i think people can be fickle and unreliable as is the case for me. When i became ill, just one friend kept in touch. I sometimes think that we have high expectations.about people when.in fact humankind is essentially flawed like me. I get unconditional love.from cat. I.hope it works out well for your life.