Help AFRAID TO LIVE AFRAID TO DIE

[Living sucks]

I am sick. Afraid to say from what but it makes life hard to live. I can't eat normal or live normal and everyone thinks I'm mentally ill. I've tried taking my life but failed using potassium. I wish to not wake up every single night. I can't take my life bcuz i get scared when i start to feel my heart struggle or feel pain. I almost succeeded once with potassium injected to a picc line with heparin also. Don't know how i survived. Add in my husband left me and I've lost everything my health looks body home job my entire life is gone with no regaining it .. family loves me but can't help me. I have nothing to look forward to each day i live in hiding from the elements that hurt me waiting to pass. I'm sick from mold and chemicals and everyone thinks it's in my head. I can't avoid these things and I'm sick everyday
I wish i had someone to help me survive this and understand. I want to die but can't execute it. I live in fear daily and my family thinks I'm mental. I'm afraid to keep living and afraid to die so i just hide everyday somehow waking up even tho my body has disintegrated in the 3 years I've been sick.
I have to find alternate housing and being alone scares me bcuz i don't eat and wait to die when i have no one.
I live in AZ and need someone to care and understand and not judge i need help.
I'm not even sure why I'm posting as this ordeal is beyond anyone's comprehension even my own. I'm dying and thought to be mental it kills me. Life was so simple when i had health if you have health you have everything I'm lost

 

[faust]

I am sorry you are struggling in your life...
At the same time I noticed some phrases which I would like to quote the most:

"I'm sick from mold and chemicals and everyone thinks it's in my head"
People say that everything is in your head when they know they cannot do anything and so wipe away all the responsibilities.
One of the worst phrases to say when a person is struggling.
It is more than okay to be sick of these things. Many people simply die from mold. Especially black aspergillus.
What kind of chemicals are we dealing with?
It is not a joke and if such a reaction takes place, you are not obliged to tolerate this.

"I live in fear daily..."
I know how it is and you are not alone with this.
Did you take any therapy or maybe visited any doctors? If something wrong with you, at least you may know what is wrong, this knowledge won't be based on your or anybody's assumptions.
I would suggest finding out what is the actual problem first.
Because then some things may become clear to you. We cannot even say your fears are unjustified.

The decision will be yours anyway, I found it necessary to mention what to start from.
Wishing you all the best and thank you for telling us about your problems!

 

[Living sucks]

That is the problem. I'm sick from mold and chemicals and been diagnosed by specialists in this field but I'm beyond even the level of sickness they've ever seen and cannot recover my immunity is destroyed. It's beyond explanation. Drs can't help me and I'm dying slowly from malabsorption my gut is so badly destroyed. It's hard to explain and harder to understand. Very few people are like me literally no one I'm all alone in this
hence living sucks

 

[faust]

That is the problem. I'm sick from mold and chemicals and been diagnosed by specialists in this field but I'm beyond even the level of sickness they've ever seen and cannot recover my immunity is destroyed. It's beyond explanation. Drs can't help me and I'm dying slowly from malabsorption my gut is so badly destroyed. It's hard to explain and harder to understand. Very few people are like me literally no one I'm all alone in this
hence living sucks

That is awful... Is your malabsorption partial or you are scarcely getting nutrients?

 

[Living sucks]

That is awful... Is your malabsorption partial or you are scarcely getting nutrients?

Getting nearly no nutrients can't digest foods aged 40 years in 2 literally dying and not exaggerating about it

 

[faust]

Getting nearly no nutrients can't digest foods aged 40 years in 2 literally dying and not exaggerating about it

I believe you. I read some cases when people were dying due to this. Your thoughts are utterly normal in this case, it is same as knowing you will die soon anyway. I wish you could get euthanasia because technically it is a physical issue which is causing a lot of distress. No one has to suffer...