Afraid to hurt ppl

[let.me.let.go87]

I was doing better. Like ECT had made me feel good for a while. I felt like living actually. But not for long. I'm back to normal me. It didn't last but like two months hardly. Not even. But that little glimpse of hope has left me with this fear of hurting ppl when I Ctb. This longing desperation not to want to traumatize anyone else but my ctbing and everything is different. I am successfully hiding it this time. I don't care to seek help anymore. I'm just done. Like I'm so damn disappointed that ECT wore off so fast that I no longer care to try. I literally no longer care. I no longer even want to live. I do not give a shit. One let down after another I am fucking done. But I really just wanna go without anyone getting hurt and idk how to do that. Unless I make everyone hate me and then they'll all be happy when I'm h gone

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

ECT didn't even work for me. There is no way to cbt and not hurt anyone. Only reason I am still here.

 

[let.me.let.go87]

ECT didn't even work for me. There is no way to cbt and not hurt anyone. Only reason I am still here.

I felt great for like a month. Like maybe six weeks but after the second month my caseworker didn't show up one session and it's been off every since and I can't get back three sessions later it's made no difference I can tell it's not coming back either and I'm not asking them to increase the frequency I'm in school now I read too much about people who increased the frequency again had serious risk to the memory loss. I haven't experienced that yet. I don't need to now. And all the cases I read about people having it a second time it didn't work anyway

 

[F@#$]

What is ETC?

 

[let.me.let.go87]

What is ETC?

Electro convulsive therapy

Electro convulsive therapy

Or shock therapy

 

[F@#$]

Oh my,that's really a thing? I thought it was just in movies. Is it actually helpful? I read your post, sounds like it might have worked for a while. Seems like an awfully strange way to "help" someone.

 

[BlackEyedDog]

Ive never had ETC but from some of the posts ive read on here people reported that it didnt work or only worked for a short time.

 

[let.me.let.go87]

Oh my,that's really a thing? I thought it was just in movies. Is it actually helpful? I read your post, sounds like it might have worked for a while. Seems like an awfully strange way to "help" someone.

It did seem to be great for a couple months but it stopped working now I'm hiding shit from everyone all the time if they knew they would commit me I can't tell them obviously

It did seem to be great for a couple months but it stopped working now I'm hiding shit from everyone all the time if they knew they would commit me I can't tell them obviously

Yeah I found it strange at first myself

 

[feelinggloomy]

My son refused ECT and I often wonder if that was a mistake but when I read these posts I realize it wasn't. So I'm thankful for those posting and I'm sorry it didn't last

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

I felt great for like a month. Like maybe six weeks but after the second month my caseworker didn't show up one session and it's been off every since and I can't get back three sessions later it's made no difference I can tell it's not coming back either and I'm not asking them to increase the frequency I'm in school now I read too much about people who increased the frequency again had serious risk to the memory loss. I haven't experienced that yet. I don't need to now. And all the cases I read about people having it a second time it didn't work anyway

Dont know what my frequency was but I have memory loss from it. Mostly around the time I did the treatments.
I'm sorry you're so depressed. I commisurate and wouldn't wish this horror on anyone.

Oh my,that's really a thing? I thought it was just in movies. Is it actually helpful? I read your post, sounds like it might have worked for a while. Seems like an awfully strange way to "help" someone.

It's used as a last resort for severe depression.

 

[divinemistress36]

I have a lot of memory loss from ECT . A lot of years before of memories I dont remember

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand feeling so tired of existing, it's so cruel to me how there's all this suffering. But anyway I wish you the best.