Afraid to CTB.

[pariah]

Dad is really problematic. Narcissistic. Hard to understand. But I don't have any choice than tolerate him. Dependent on him for sustenance. CTB seems liberating but I am afraid to. Social skills are garbage due to mental illness and temperament. Been NEET for 11 years. Tried going to college few times it was mess each time. I just don't think I can do anything now. I feel intimidated by groups of people in college. They seem to have social group. Always feel like incompetent outsider. Anyone here afraid to CTB? How are you dealing with situation?

 

[Deleted member 19654]

Are there any volunteering opportunities where you are? I used to volunteer at the food bank before the pandemic and it slowly was helping to bring my out of my shell and helped with social anxiety. I could focus on doing something good instead of obsessing over my problems. For me it was a small step into trying to do something with my life. Plus I guess it helps with things like future jobs etc because you gain skills and whatnot.

what holds me back from ctb is fear of failing it and becoming more hopeless. I flip flop between recovery and wanting to ctb. I'm just trying to take it day by day and whatever happens, happens.

 

[Dead beat dad]

Dad is really problematic. Narcissistic. Hard to understand. But I don't have any choice than tolerate him. Dependent on him for sustenance. CTB seems liberating but I am afraid to. Social skills are garbage due to mental illness and temperament. Been NEET for 11 years. Tried going to college few times it was mess each time. I just don't think I can do anything now. I feel intimidated by groups of people in college. They seem to have social group. Always feel like incompetent outsider. Anyone here afraid to CTB? How are you dealing with situation?

Hi brother I'm sorry to hear about your conundrum, it sounds like you've been battling with this for such a long time, and props to you for having the strength to do that.
There is a line in the song 'old man river' that seems to express how I feel and I think this somewhat relates to your scenario ;
'Tired of livin', scared of dyin'... '

A singular thought that comes to mind that may be practical, it may be useless but if you like the idea of education or training, can you do this online or distance learning to reduce some of the social impact being around people has?

Love and respect to you my brother.

DBD

 

[pariah]

@Maxtothemax I looked into volunteering opportunities before but nearest ones are more than 200 miles away. Fear of failing to properly CTB troubles me as well.

@Dead beat dad Yes man tired of livin, scared of dyin Will look into online courses.

Thanks you guys

 

[everydayiloveyou]

Do you have social anxiety disorder? I was in a similar situation, but once I got a retail job, things improved a lot. Not completely, but I feel more independent and I'm not a NEET, so that in itself is pretty great. Plus making money is cool, even if it's just a little bit.

I'm scared to ctb too, but who isn't? I think it's a fear of uncertainty more than anything. It can also be the guilt too. What exactly scares you about ctb? Is it a fear of missing out, having regrets, the pain, how your family will respond, the afterlife, etc.? The source of your fear can say a lot about your situation.

Being a NEET is doing you zero favors right now though! Have you ever gone to therapy or taken meds? Your issues might be significantly reduced if you can get away from your dad, it sounds like you aren't thriving in your current condition with him. You'll have to go back to school and get a job or two in order to do that fully though. It's a scary risk to take but it's the only way you can experience a normal life and really make a final judgement as to whether you wanna keep giving it a shot or not.

 

[pariah]

@everydayiloveyou I experience strange unpredictable anxiety, psychotic and mood disorder. I am taking antipsychotic and mood stabilizer. Been taking medicine for 11 years.

I am just afraid of dying and failing to successfully CTB.