Afraid to CTB

[Painless_end]

Hi, I am 30 years old. I have lived with being mentally inadequate all my life. It has become steadily worse in the past few years. I have lost jobs because I coudn't work in the confines of the workplace.

I have a bachelors degree (which I somehow barely managed to complete) but had to completely bail on getting a Masters degree simply because of my mental inadequacy.

I have a complete aversion to working within the confines of any system. Predictably, my life is already disastrous and is headed towards even worse maybe.

I don't want to live to see it. I have experienced a lot in life, I just don't want to go on anymore. My financial and social situation is growing worse by the day.

Please suggest how to overcome SI and the fear of CTB.

 

[Lady black]

It depends on the method you will use

 

[Ghost2211]

If you are having fear it may not be the right time or path for you. What about meeting with a career counselor to see if there is a line of work that you would enjoy or give you the freedoms you need?

 

[Painless_end]

If you are having fear it may not be the right time or path for you. What about meeting with a career counselor to see if there is a line of work that you would enjoy or give you the freedoms you need?

Been there, done that. Met with an extremely competent career counselor who told me quite simply what I already knew in my heart. I have no interest or affinity towards any kind of careers, jobs, hobbies, activities etc.

My brain, it is not able to develop natural affinities towards anything like that of others. My mind abhors responsbility and structure of any kind.

 

[Lady black]

So life is boring for you?

 

[Painless_end]

It depends on the method you will use

Only Accessible to me : jump from height, drown, hanging, step into oncoming traffic.

How does that matter, once SI is overcome, the method is quite simply the means to the ultimate end.

 

[Lady black]

I think jumping or hanging would be good for you if you take sleeping pills with the noose around your neck and you datnd on a chair for fullsuspension hanging, there would be no SI

 

[Painless_end]

So life is boring for you?

I wish, it is actually downright horrible for me. I live on the edge of reason and responsibility every single day.

 

[Lady black]

Oh I see. So everyday is shit for you

 

[Ghost2211]

Look into alternative lifestyles. There's more choices than work if you're willing to live outside of societies norms.

 

[Painless_end]

Come on guys, you're not helping. Please, I am requesting kindly, which easily available substance will completely dampen my SI for 30 min to give me enough time to complete CTB.

 

[Lady black]

I think if this substance would exist, nobody would be here anymore. Just think: SI is often a mixture of physical and mental thinks that make you failing. So if you take something to overcome SI, you would risk that you are not able to ctb anymore xause you are completely knocked out.

 

[Ghost2211]

We are trying to give you more productive solutions because turning off survival instinct is not like a light switch. Aside from getting completely wasted and uninhibited there really isn't much you can do if you don't have the pure willpower. If you lack the willpower to end it Then there might be part of you that just isn't ready to take that course.

I can understand and respect if you are completely done with life, but if you are in fact completely done survival instinct would be easier to overcome. survival instinct can also be things along the lines of fear of death or fear of what comes after death. Your brain might not be ready for making A choice that leads to that level of an absolute.

 

[AlreadyGone]

We are trying to give you more productive solutions because turning off survival instinct is not like a light switch. Aside from getting completely wasted and uninhibited there really isn't much you can do if you don't have the pure willpower. If you lack the willpower to end it Then there might be part of you that just isn't ready to take that course.

I can understand and respect if you are completely done with life, but if you are in fact completely done survival instinct would be easier to overcome. survival instinct can also be things along the lines of fear of death or fear of what comes after death. Your brain might not be ready for making A choice that leads to that level of an absolute.

This. 100% this.

 

[HorribleFeelings1]

there are drugs that help reduce anxiety and help with depression but I don't think there is a substance to overcome SI. SI is your body's natural instincts to survival. If SI is clearly pushing you to not commit suicide then there is obviously something wrong. Maybe it isn't time to depart yet. You shouldn't rush CTB just yet if you really want to die. However I do support you on whatever path you take so I wish the best for you (:

 

[Painless_end]

We are trying to give you more productive solutions because turning off survival instinct is not like a light switch. Aside from getting completely wasted and uninhibited there really isn't much you can do if you don't have the pure willpower. If you lack the willpower to end it Then there might be part of you that just isn't ready to take that course.

I can understand and respect if you are completely done with life, but if you are in fact completely done survival instinct would be easier to overcome. survival instinct can also be things along the lines of fear of death or fear of what comes after death. Your brain might not be ready for making A choice that leads to that level of an absolute.

I am afraid of pain and all the consequences of a failed attempt. I want to do it painlessly.

I have low threshold for physical or mental pain tolerance.

 

[HorribleFeelings1]

I am afraid of pain and all the consequences of a failed attempt. I want to do it painlessly.

I have low threshold for physical or mental pain tolerance.

So it's pain keeping you than SI?

 

[Ghost2211]

I am afraid of pain and all the consequences of a failed attempt. I want to do it painlessly.

I have low threshold for physical or mental pain tolerance.

if that is the only thing preventing you then there are plenty of methods that would be minimally painful. Methods that would be 100% painless tend to be difficult to obtain, so those are off the table for me at least. For the most part things that are going to kill you are going to cause at least a minimal discomfort, as it is a natural mechanism for us to be aware of things that are a threat to our system. In the end you need to determine if the end justifies the means, and look through the list of methods and see what best suits you or is least scary.

for example hanging scares the crap out of me, but I could easily drink SN

 

[Painless_end]

if that is the only thing preventing you then there are plenty of methods that would be minimally painful. Methods that would be 100% painless tend to be difficult to obtain, so those are off the table for me at least. For the most part things that are going to kill you are going to cause at least a minimal discomfort, as it is a natural mechanism for us to be aware of things that are a threat to our system. In the end you need to determine if the end justifies the means, and look through the list of methods and see what best suits you or is least scary.

for example hanging scares the crap out of me, but I could easily drink SN

The only one that really feels like it is hanging, I dont think I could do drowning or any of the others. Although I don't know. Time will tell.

I wish CTB was painless. I wish it was as easy as pressing a certain point on your body, and bam, you're gone.

 

[WhiskeyLulabuy]

Hi, I am 30 years old. I have lived with being mentally inadequate all my life. It has become steadily worse in the past few years. I have lost jobs because I coudn't work in the confines of the workplace.

I have a bachelors degree (which I somehow barely managed to complete) but had to completely bail on getting a Masters degree simply because of my mental inadequacy.

I have a complete aversion to working within the confines of any system. Predictably, my life is already disastrous and is headed towards even worse maybe.

I don't want to live to see it. I have experienced a lot in life, I just don't want to go on anymore. My financial and social situation is growing worse by the day.

Please suggest how to overcome SI and the fear of CTB.

If your that afraid of it then maybe it's not your time iv been in a similar situation and has taken me a few years to be completely happy to CTB
If you want to talk it through on here drop me a message I'm in the uk so may be a time difference

 

[Flippy]

Much like you I managed to pass my degree but it was touch and go for a while and I honestly thought that my depression had pretty much decimated any possibility of that. Fortunately I also experienced extreme highs so were it not for that I don't think I would have had the capacity to somehow get a 2:1 on a wing and a prayer.

Later after I had been receiving meds and was not suffering the extremes of mood I saved up and started a master's. That's when I started experiencing extremely low moods again. Sadly I don't seem to get anything like the highs now. I had to give up on my Master's, it really upset me after all the hard work to save up the money!

I had some really shit experience in my work too. It only served to confirm to me that I'm always going to be functionally different to other people unless I pretend to be dumb or shallow. Engage in the office politics which just holds no appeal or interest to me. So employment isn't too good for to me either.

The issue about taking stuff to overcome the SI is that they are also likely to halt your plans. They are the sorts of things that help often curtail the urges too. Hard to feel like ctb when you are relaxed and maybe a bit blissed out. I thought of nitros oxide as a potential method as I expect it to be pleasant. Though I suspect I would likely feel so good that I would probably fail but feel pretty good in the process.

One of the most effective meds for my anxiety is benzos, I'm sure they would help me suppress the SI but they pretty much wipe out the urges to ctb for me.

 

[hatelife]

why are u guys so mean to the OP, u of all guys should be nice here knowing how it is being depressed

 

[squirtsoda]

This substance you're looking for probably isn't a good thing. I'm not trying to change your mind either way, but having to overcome the SI is in my opinion probably a good thing because of the gravity of the choice you're making. I know of substances and have access to substances that do inhibit the SI and have almost killed me. While that may sound like a good thing to you right now, those substances might make you impulsive and lead you to use a hastily/poorly planned method and fail leaving your body and brain permanently damaged, and leaving you on suicide watch, leaving you more financially harmed, etc. I know because that happened to me in November.