Are you afraid of death or are you afraid of the pain before dying? There's a difference.
I think it's helpful to keep in mind that almost all ways of dying are painful or uncomfortable, including SN. What I think is that you want to be dead but aren't ready to die yet. That's totally acceptable, just wait till you're ready. The method I've picked is uncomfortable and maybe even painful too, but I'm giving myself time to get ready mentally.
Suicide is a gloomy process, you probably have good things in your life still, maybe that's what it is. You don't feel like you're at your end yet. For example, you're not on the verge of being homeless or something like that.
Think about it.
I'm afraid of the pain before/process of dying. If I was afraid of death, I wouldn't want to CTB.
Is it possible to overdose on sleeping pills (diphenhydramine hydrochloride) and CTB?
I tried taking 3g of it, but I called the ambulance because I was scared of dying alone, and it was my first time attempting. I don't know what would have happened if I didn't call the ambulance.
However, what I will say was that I did not feel any pain or anything when I overdosed on sleeping pills, I just lost consciousness when the ambulance arrived, and woke up around 2 days later.
On a different note, I don't want to hang myself because I see the veins pop out on my forehead, my eyes get red and obviously the pain of struggling to breathe...
The only thing that makes it hard for me to CTB is the annoying love and care that my parents have for me, like when I told them about my desire to CTB, my dad wanted to pause his work and drive 5hours to wait with me until the SN arrived because he's scared to lose me.
It's strange how they view me as their world but I view myself as nothing.
I don't want them to suffer over my death, I just want to leave in peace.
I live a very blessed life but I'm insecure, a victim of sexual and domestic violence, lonely, single, not at uni and not working. All the pressures of society to go to uni, get a good job, get married and have children overwhelms me and makes me want to CTB because I feel like a failure as I dropped out of uni due to having Schizoaffective disorder and Complex PTSD triggers :/