Help Afraid to CTB

[suicidenow]

I am afraid of CTB but I know that I no longer want to live and want to sleep forever. Can someone please tell me the pros of suicide and how to overcome the fear of the process of CTB.

I feel so alone because I can't talk to people about suicide without them threatening to not be my friend anymore. So I'm just pretending to be fine when I'm depressed af.

I also had SN taken off me because I stupidly told my nurse about it. I'm so angry now that it's gone; it was my safety blanket. I hate everyone and I hate existing.

 

[FuneralCry]

I also just wish to permanently sleep, I understand feeling so tired of suffering in this existence, I hope you find peace eventually.

 

[CantDoIt]

Hey, I'm sorry you're going through this. Ctb is a really scary thing and most people one way or another will be afraid of it.

Here are some thoughts:
*Everyone dies eventually, whether that is now or later
* Remember why you feel like this and your reasons for wanting to do what you're doing
* Look up near death experiences, they can be comforting
* Finally, there are certain drugs like Benzos that can make it easier

I don't know about pros, that depends on what you want to ctb. I guess those reasons could be for considered pros.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

I don't even consider it a choice. For me it is a non-negotiable neccessity. I know the day will eventualy come regardless, so no reason to prolong the suffering.

 

[Evelyn Lane]

I am afraid of CTB but I know that I no longer want to live and want to sleep forever. Can someone please tell me the pros of suicide and how to overcome the fear of the process of CTB.

I feel so alone because I can't talk to people about suicide without them threatening to not be my friend anymore. So I'm just pretending to be fine when I'm depressed af.

I also had SN taken off me because I stupidly told my nurse about it. I'm so angry now that it's gone; it was my safety blanket. I hate everyone and I hate existing.

Are you afraid of death or are you afraid of the pain before dying? There's a difference.

I think it's helpful to keep in mind that almost all ways of dying are painful or uncomfortable, including SN. What I think is that you want to be dead but aren't ready to die yet. That's totally acceptable, just wait till you're ready. The method I've picked is uncomfortable and maybe even painful too, but I'm giving myself time to get ready mentally.

Suicide is a gloomy process, you probably have good things in your life still, maybe that's what it is. You don't feel like you're at your end yet. For example, you're not on the verge of being homeless or something like that.

Think about it.

 

[andreamysk]

It's a shame that you have to pretend to your friends that you're fine when you're depressed (unfortunately most people can't really understand something they don't experience firsthand). I understand that the 'possibility' of being able to CTB can be a relief (an escape option available in times of desperation). However, it seems to me that there is a difference between the freedom to do CTB and actually doing it. I believe that pros and cons cannot be listed in abstract and absolute terms: they should always be declined on a case-by-case basis, on a single life, on a single condition. I believe that here we have all experienced/are experiencing suffering of some kind, which seems unbearable to us (probably not always: otherwise we wouldn't even have the strength to write something on this forum): I hope you will feel at least less alone here, because we know perfectly well how you feel. It's absolutely normal that you are afraid of CTB: it's our default mode. Everyone goes through a personal journey to overcome this fear (maybe you are not ready yet, and you still have to travel that road a little: you have time). Ultimately, you have to be sincerely convinced that you can never, ever, improve (it's hard to lie to yourself about this, because a tiny hope, that damned little one curled up at the bottom of Pandora's box, lives in everyone).

 

[suicidenow]

Are you afraid of death or are you afraid of the pain before dying? There's a difference.

I think it's helpful to keep in mind that almost all ways of dying are painful or uncomfortable, including SN. What I think is that you want to be dead but aren't ready to die yet. That's totally acceptable, just wait till you're ready. The method I've picked is uncomfortable and maybe even painful too, but I'm giving myself time to get ready mentally.

Suicide is a gloomy process, you probably have good things in your life still, maybe that's what it is. You don't feel like you're at your end yet. For example, you're not on the verge of being homeless or something like that.

Think about it.

I'm afraid of the pain before/process of dying. If I was afraid of death, I wouldn't want to CTB.

Is it possible to overdose on sleeping pills (diphenhydramine hydrochloride) and CTB?
I tried taking 3g of it, but I called the ambulance because I was scared of dying alone, and it was my first time attempting. I don't know what would have happened if I didn't call the ambulance.
However, what I will say was that I did not feel any pain or anything when I overdosed on sleeping pills, I just lost consciousness when the ambulance arrived, and woke up around 2 days later.
On a different note, I don't want to hang myself because I see the veins pop out on my forehead, my eyes get red and obviously the pain of struggling to breathe...

The only thing that makes it hard for me to CTB is the annoying love and care that my parents have for me, like when I told them about my desire to CTB, my dad wanted to pause his work and drive 5hours to wait with me until the SN arrived because he's scared to lose me.
It's strange how they view me as their world but I view myself as nothing.
I don't want them to suffer over my death, I just want to leave in peace.

I live a very blessed life but I'm insecure, a victim of sexual and domestic violence, lonely, single, not at uni and not working. All the pressures of society to go to uni, get a good job, get married and have children overwhelms me and makes me want to CTB because I feel like a failure as I dropped out of uni due to having Schizoaffective disorder and Complex PTSD triggers :/

 

[Evelyn Lane]

I'm afraid of the pain before/process of dying. If I was afraid of death, I wouldn't want to CTB.

Is it possible to overdose on sleeping pills (diphenhydramine hydrochloride) and CTB?
I tried taking 3g of it, but I called the ambulance because I was scared of dying alone, and it was my first time attempting. I don't know what would have happened if I didn't call the ambulance.
However, what I will say was that I did not feel any pain or anything when I overdosed on sleeping pills, I just lost consciousness when the ambulance arrived, and woke up around 2 days later.
On a different note, I don't want to hang myself because I see the veins pop out on my forehead, my eyes get red and obviously the pain of struggling to breathe...

The only thing that makes it hard for me to CTB is the annoying love and care that my parents have for me, like when I told them about my desire to CTB, my dad wanted to pause his work and drive 5hours to wait with me until the SN arrived because he's scared to lose me.
It's strange how they view me as their world but I view myself as nothing.
I don't want them to suffer over my death, I just want to leave in peace.

I live a very blessed life but I'm insecure, a victim of sexual and domestic violence, lonely, single, not at uni and not working. All the pressures of society to go to uni, get a good job, get married and have children overwhelms me and makes me want to CTB because I feel like a failure as I dropped out of uni due to having Schizoaffective disorder and Complex PTSD triggers :/

Overdosing is an unreliable method. You can try, but there's no guarantee you'll die from it. And also, there's no guarantee you'll die without major discomfort.

 

[Kheled Zaram]

Hey, I'm sorry you're going through this. Ctb is a really scary thing and most people one way or another will be afraid of it.

Here are some thoughts:
*Everyone dies eventually, whether that is now or later
* Remember why you feel like this and your reasons for wanting to do what you're doing
* Look up near death experiences, they can be comforting
* Finally, there are certain drugs like Benzos that can make it easier

I don't know about pros, that depends on what you want to ctb. I guess those reasons could be for considered pros.

I don't have fear of death as a thing, but I'm afraid to take the wrong decision by killing myself before I have the opportunity to make something important in this life, maybe for another person that I can help in some way that "I was somewhat chosen to do". I don't want to became a failure if I go home before my correct time.

And yes, I understand this can be ludicrous to read because it can lead to think that I have absurd ideas of self importance, but the fear to not complete some unknown thing yet to do make me struggle with this. This lack of confidence of to be or not to be right focused is exhausting

The pristine and super strong willing to kill myself that I was feeling years ago is now obstructed by the doubts, but for me is hard to manage because at same time I wish to die and be free. All this can be more easy if I can recover that absolute certainty to be justified to kill myself I was in the past. Of course, maybe this is only cowardice that I don't want to admit, what is stopping me for now, however in my previous attempt I was so determined that I wish to feel again that total peace of mind to be justified to kill myself and to success.

I have wish to die from many years ago and I almost achieve to kill myself when I was younger, I still have the scars of that time and the memory of a sea of blood flowing from my body... I was sure to die and happy to do it in that time, when I start to feel losing my life by exanguination I was excited but not in fear. However, and due to what I was to go through since my not successful suicide, and specially due to one thing I prefer not to mention, I am in front of a crossroad and wishing to feel beyond any doubt what pathway is the correct to choose.