Afraid of medication

[MidnightCat]

Hi...

I kinda need help.

I have BPD and depression, it always hit hard... But I was able to fight back till my 30's, then my energy just ran off.

I'm going to the doctor and she's been giving me medication to try, but I can't really take it properly as I'm afraid to do so.


I understand I'm ill, but the thought of something going wrong in my brain and short-circuiting or something scares me deeply. I'm suffering but the idea of ending being another person, or getting brain damage terrifies me.

Does someone relate? Does someone has any tips or experiences?

I really need to give them a try, as it became clear I'll not survive this without some external help from medication...

Thanks for sharing your time with me.

 

[real human being]

I understand your worries, they are valid and I relate to your dilemma. Have you tried therapy and other solutions? Medication like antidepressants is not the only way that you can try to get out of depression.

 

[deadtomorrow]

I'm pretty sure OCD medication and anti depressants made me retarded.
I used to be a very smart kid but now i'm just very stupid and can't do the things i used to before
It also destroyed my sex drive, testosterone production and my ability to feel pleasure and made me more depressed than before
You have a valid reason to feel this way, they are trying to supress that with medications that will make you feel worse

 

[space-jester]

i've been medicated for a few years now (im mid 20s and have gen. anxiety for context) and i take a very low dose only 5mg. i think it has genuinely helped me a lot, its a lot easier for me to do somethings that usually i would have been terrified to do. it's not a cure all, i still struggle a lot but i feel much better. that said, i do have a few issues like minor twitches and weight gain, but to me I think my pros out weigh my cons.
but i think ultimately, if you dont feel comfortable with taking medication, don't do it. theres more than one way to skin a cat, and medication can be just one of the ways that can help.
I def think maybe talking to someone regularly about ways to deal with it can be really good, and honestly the meds only help with the symptoms themselves. trying to find either an irl or online support group could help a lot, its easier to climb up if youre also helping others up too. (thats in my opinion at least <:J )
i wish you the best of luck in all your endeavors and i hope that things look up for you soon.

 

[moondazed]

Hi...

I kinda need help.

I have BPD and depression, it always hit hard... But I was able to fight back till my 30's, then my energy just ran off.

I'm going to the doctor and she's been giving me medication to try, but I can't really take it properly as I'm afraid to do so.


I understand I'm ill, but the thought of something going wrong in my brain and short-circuiting or something scares me deeply. I'm suffering but the idea of ending being another person, or getting brain damage terrifies me.

Does someone relate? Does someone has any tips or experiences?

I really need to give them a try, as it became clear I'll not survive this without some external help from medication...

Thanks for sharing your time with me.

i was pretty anti med my whole life. SSRIs did nothing but mess me up more and i avoided them or therapy for a long time. I started taking regular meds 2 years ago (i'm 33) and my life has substantially improved. i do feel a bit robotic and a little slower, but i feel more stable. ultimately the stability has done more for my life than my sharp wit ever did.

im on 40mg mirtazipine (for anxiety/depression but not an SSRI, my sex drive is fine. they make you sleepy and hungry, so can cause weight gain and not often prescribed for that reason) and 18mg methylphenedate a day (stimulant, not easy to get). i work in STEM and I do alright now, so my brain works but not quite like what it used to. drug use/partying played a role in that, so i cant really blame it on my meds. I'm not happy per say, but I'm 80% less panicked day to day, so it works for me in that way.

meds are one option, diet and routine is another arguably more important one. i personally couldnt get the routine or diet down until i got on meds. i'll admit i feel a little trapped on them though, and i dont like that.

 

[DyingToDie123]

DBT is supposed to be crazy effective for BPD. (Or so I've been hammered on the head with by people who insist I have it.) I don't particularly like it for reasons I can detail but others swear by it. Might be worth trying if you think you can keep yourself alive (assuming you want to). Depending on the severity, 30-day residential, groups with phone consults, or even self-study can be helpful.

I have depression (specifically dysthymia with occasional MDD) for sure and BPD maybe. wrt meds, there's part of me that says it can't hurt to try, you can always come off of them. Realistically you're unlikely to get severe, irreversible side effects you hear about on antipsychiatry forums. When I cared about taking my meds I got an app (MyTherapy I think?) that vibrates like every 3-5 minutes telling me to take them until I do. Motivation can be hard, but you won't know if they work if you don't take them! I wouldn't treat it as a forever thing, just as an experiment, and commit to what/how many you're willing to try and for how long ahead of time, and what circumstances would make you drop them early.

Good luck!

 

[Scattered-Soul]

I don't wanna scare you further but since you asked about other people's experiences I might as well share mine. 4 years ago my mental health got to a point where it felt like it was either taking meds or death, I didn't feel like I could survive living like that. And back then I was very pro-med and had full trust in psychiatrists, I thought the worst that could happen was for them not to work or to experience some mild unpleasant side effects that would go away after you stop the meds, I had heard only good things about them. Long story short, I experienced severe adverse effects pretty much from the first pill, my doctor kept me on them thinking that it was just the mental illness, an underlying cause or that it would go away. No one listened to me even when I felt like my soul and identity were completely gone and I had acid poured in my brain. I finally managed to stop them after 9 months and it's been more than 3 years since then but I never recovered, I kept declining and I'm currently severely disabled and a shell of a human being. It's a miracle that I can still type this. I don't wanna give a more detailed description of my current symptoms since I'm sure that if I did that you'd never wanna try meds in your life.

That being said, my case is extremely rare (even though it'd be nice to not be reduced to "oh it's just the minority, who cares"), most people either experience benefits or meds don't do anything for them. The reason why I even went to that specific psychiatrist was because my best friend recommended him to me since he was the only one who managed to help her mother who was dealing with pretty severe depression. I also had a classmate who took the same meds as me, for the exact same reason and around the same time as well, she didn't experience any side effects and they helped her immensely. You see that it's all strictly individual. But again, every person thinks "surely this won't happen to me" but it's still a possibility.

I think the best you can do is get some genetic testing to estimate which meds would be right for you, this doesn't guarantee that you won't experience damage but it's still better than nothing. And don't trust doctors blindly, trust your own gut first, I'm simply offering this as advice. I also agree that you wouldn't know unless you try, there's a huge possibility that meds could greatly benefit you and save your life.

 

[Kundalini Guy]

If you can live comfortably without meds now then DON'T take them. Only take them if life is pure hell and you really want to CTB, see if it helps. These medications are a way for psychiatry to lure you in to their cult, once you get on them, getting off will be extremely difficult.

 

[NumbItAll]

I don't wanna scare you further but since you asked about other people's experiences I might as well share mine. 4 years ago my mental health got to a point where it felt like it was either taking meds or death, I didn't feel like I could survive living like that. And back then I was very pro-med and had full trust in psychiatrists, I thought the worst that could happen was for them not to work or to experience some mild unpleasant side effects that would go away after you stop the meds, I had heard only good things about them. Long story short, I experienced severe adverse effects pretty much from the first pill, my doctor kept me on them thinking that it was just the mental illness, an underlying cause or that it would go away. No one listened to me even when I felt like my soul and identity were completely gone and I had acid poured in my brain. I finally managed to stop them after 9 months and it's been more than 3 years since then but I never recovered, I kept declining and I'm currently severely disabled and a shell of a human being. It's a miracle that I can still type this. I don't wanna give a more detailed description of my current symptoms since I'm sure that if I did that you'd never wanna try meds in your life.

That being said, my case is extremely rare (even though it'd be nice to not be reduced to "oh it's just the minority, who cares"), most people either experience benefits or meds don't do anything for them. The reason why I even went to that specific psychiatrist was because my best friend recommended him to me since he was the only one who managed to help her mother who was dealing with pretty severe depression. I also had a classmate who took the same meds as me, for the exact same reason and around the same time as well, she didn't experience any side effects and they helped her immensely. You see that it's all strictly individual. But again, every person thinks "surely this won't happen to me" but it's still a possibility.

I think the best you can do is get some genetic testing to estimate which meds would be right for you, this doesn't guarantee that you won't experience damage but it's still better than nothing. And don't trust doctors blindly, trust your own gut first, I'm simply offering this as advice. I also agree that you wouldn't know unless you try, there's a huge possibility that meds could greatly benefit you and save your life.

It is hard to really conceptualize this risk until it happens, but unfortunately it does happen. Between such adverse reactions, side effects, and withdrawal effects, there is significant risk involved with psychotropic drugs. Doctors usually ignore these risks and blame the patient (as in your tragic example) when something goes wrong. The potential reward is that the drugs work slightly better (in the short term) than placebo, on average, and it usually takes many trials to figure out the right combination. Not very enticing.

Btw, I think I may have experienced that same acid feeling in the brain. It felt like it was burning a hole in my brain so I stopped after a couple pills. Totally safe.