Help Afraid ECT will change my ctb plan?

[lost in my mind]

I hope I won't sound stupid or so..
My shrink wants me to go through ECT. I'm not scared about the process itself, but I'm scared af that it will make me less suicidel. I mean I don't want to go back to that place where I'm depressed but not enough to be able to CTB, idk if that makes any sense? I feel like that if won't accept to go through it, every one will think I didn't do everything to help myself and that I just chose to give up (which is kinda true cause I just can't let anything ruin my ctb plans and afraid of feeling better ugh I'm stuck).

 

[deathenvoy]

If you are not afraid of side effects give it a shot. It is easier to recover from depression than from suicidal depression.

 

[lost in my mind]

If you are not afraid of side effects give it a shot. It is easier to recover from depression than from suicidal depression.

But I don't want to recover I just want to die already I can't bear another recovery journey

 

[deathenvoy]

But I don't want to recover I just want to die already I can't bear another recovery journey

It seems that some part of you still want to recover if you are going to your doc and planing your treatment. If you really don't want to recover refuse any treatment , make exit plan and execute it. It sounds simple but I know it is complicated.

 

[Empty Smile]

My therapist recommended that to me, and I refused it. If therapy, pills, and everything else they have thrown at me didn't work, what makes them think ECT will?

To me, it's just not worth going through the bullshit over and over....

 

[lost in my mind]

It seems that some part of you still want to recover if you are going to your doc and planing your treatment. If you really don't want to recover refuse any treatment , make exit plan and execute it. It sounds simple but I know it is complicated.

I'm hospitalized for a year now, I don't want to stop the treatment unless they say otherwise, just cause I don't want to end it in ugly way. I'm there for my eating disorder so they have hard time dealing with suicidel thoughts

 

[ShadowOfTheDay]

I hope I won't sound stupid or so..
My shrink wants me to go through ECT. I'm not scared about the process itself, but I'm scared af that it will make me less suicidel. I mean I don't want to go back to that place where I'm depressed but not enough to be able to CTB, idk if that makes any sense? I feel like that if won't accept to go through it, every one will think I didn't do everything to help myself and that I just chose to give up (which is kinda true cause I just can't let anything ruin my ctb plans and afraid of feeling better ugh I'm stuck).

I can certainly relate to this. I was given the opportunity to undergo ECT free of charge. And I would gladly do it if I thought it would actually help. But I have only personally known one person who went through this "procedure," and I can only tell you what he told me:

He said that he still has suicidal thoughts every day, but no longer has the motivation to act on those thoughts. So, instead of trying to kill himself, he spends his days watching tv and chainsmoking cigarettes.

He doesn't seem interested in any more ambitious ways of spending his time.

To me, this seems like a fairly meaningless life. If this is what I can realistically hope to accomplish via ECT, TMS or drug therapy, I think I'd rather not continue living at all.

 

[Allpainnogain]

I had ECT and it did nothing for me which made me even more depressed and suicidal

 

[JadedGray]

I was offered free ECT, but I decided against it because of horror stories to do with permanent brain damage and psychosis.

 

[Fadingfast]

I can certainly relate to this. I was given the opportunity to undergo ECT free of charge. And I would gladly do it if I thought it would actually help. But I have only personally known one person who went through this "procedure," and I can only tell you what he told me:

He said that he still has suicidal thoughts every day, but no longer has the motivation to act on those thoughts. So, instead of trying to kill himself, he spends his days watching tv and chainsmoking cigarettes.

He doesn't seem interested in any more ambitious ways of spending his time.

To me, this seems like a fairly meaningless life. If this is what I can realistically hope to accomplish via ECT, TMS or drug therapy, I think I'd rather not continue living at all.

Thats what I do all day.... I'm gonna end it. I'd rather be dead than stuck in this endless cycle of zombie type activity. I'm on a ton of pills and nothings changing. I'm humiliated to the point that the mess of jumping doesn't phase me.

 

[felix987671]

I got 5 sessions of ect. It didn't help with my chronic depression and my short term memory suffered for a few weeks. That's why the doctor quit it early. For others I heard it worked. In Scandinavia they do ect first before antidepressants if I am not mistaken. Also rtms didn't work out for me, I am still depressed and pretty much out of options.

 

[PatKat]

I hope I won't sound stupid or so..
My shrink wants me to go through ECT. I'm not scared about the process itself, but I'm scared af that it will make me less suicidel. I mean I don't want to go back to that place where I'm depressed but not enough to be able to CTB, idk if that makes any sense? I feel like that if won't accept to go through it, every one will think I didn't do everything to help myself and that I just chose to give up (which is kinda true cause I just can't let anything ruin my ctb plans and afraid of feeling better ugh I'm stuck).

I am going to have ECT done also, I am afraid it will erase my memory, or damage me more. I am going to go through with it. I wish it was just a one and done. Having to go Monday, Wednesday, Friday for x amount of weeks is alot.

 

[Egddios]

ECT has helped many people.

That said, I had 9 ECT treatments in 2017 and here I am. Not hating on ECT at all, it just didn't...or rather wasn't what I expected or hoped for. Again, it has helped many people.

Btw, if you have any questions about the process/procedure, what to expect, etc, feel free to PM me.

 

[lost in my mind]

ECT has helped many people.

That said, I had 9 ECT treatments in 2017 and here I am. Not hating on ECT at all, it just didn't...or rather wasn't what I expected or hoped for. Again, it has helped many people.

Btw, if you have any questions about the process/procedure, what to expect, etc, feel free to PM me.

Thanx ! I've started the process... so far nothing has changed except the fact my memory is fucked up rn. I thought I would just forget things that happened near the session but I literally forget things from last month and so on