Advice: To CTB or try and change?

[ClaudeRains]

I need advice. It's been about ten years since I remember feeling any sort of happiness, I dread getting up in the morning and avoid any sort of interaction. I don't think I've ever felt like I fit in anywhere. I used to feel other people rolling their eyes whenever I tried, so I gave up long ago. There's no point me being around and I hate almost every moment. I've been thinking about CTB for years just to stop it. So I have two questions:


1.) Does it every get any better? Is there anything I can do to not feel like this?

2.) If I did want to CTB what is the best way of doing so without causing too many problems for myself and my family? I don't get on with family but don't want to make it any more horrible for them if I can avoid it.

Any advice welcome.

 

[WornOutLife]

Things can get better but you gotta be 100% mentally prepared for improving your life.
For example, I've decided to try to live again in spite of being suicidal since I was 12. I could barely leave my bed and now I'm working and studying again. I feel a USEFUL human being.

As for the happiness, alcohol used to bring me lots of it but I stopped drinking so, what am I doing to be happy? Well, I just enjoy gaming and watching anime. You gotta find something that you find pleasant at least. Although when you're extremely depressed, you find most things boring and show no interest at all. That's why I say you gotta be 100% prepared mentally. Otherwise, things will never change.

If you pick the second option, your family and people who love you will suffer no matter what and they will have to deal with some problems some way or another.
For example, last year when I tried to ctb, my dad was almost arrested. The police suspected he might've tried to kill me even though I left lots of letters explaining that that was my decision! Ridiculous!

You can make things easier for everyone if you leave some videos and handwritten letters explaining why you did what you did.

Living or ctb, that's up to you to decide.

Wish you the best!

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

1. In your specific case, no idea. The standard advice of diet, socializing, meaningful work, exercise, sunlight, sleep, hobbies, etc is all I got.
2. Not really, if we do it it's basically going to suck for everyone around us. No matter the wrapping, the gift is shit.

 

[Crusader]

without causing too many problems for myself and my family?

1. Same as GenesAndEnvironment said.
2. If you are very ill and have the money, assisted suicide in Switzerland.

 

[ClaudeRains]

I'm not ill physically and don't have much money.

SN seems to tick the boxes if I was to go down that road. Are there many cons to this and is it easy to get hold of? How much would I need?

Thanks

 

[Last chance]

1)Do the opposite of what you have been doing until now.

 

[fresca]

Things can get better but you gotta be 100% mentally prepared for improving your life.
For example, I've decided to try to live again in spite of being suicidal since I was 12. I could barely leave my bed and now I'm working and studying again. I feel a USEFUL human being.

As for the happiness, alcohol used to bring me lots of it but I stopped drinking so, what am I doing to be happy? Well, I just enjoy gaming and watching anime. You gotta find something that you find pleasant at least. Although when you're extremely depressed, you find most things boring and show no interest at all. That's why I say you gotta be 100% prepared mentally. Otherwise, things will never change.

If you pick the second option, your family and people who love you will suffer no matter what and they will have to deal with some problems some way or another.
For example, last year when I tried to ctb, my dad was almost arrested. The police suspected he might've tried to kill me even though I left lots of letters explaining that that was my decision! Ridiculous!

You can make things easier for everyone if you leave some videos and handwritten letters explaining why you did what you did.

Living or ctb, that's up to you to decide.

Wish you the best!

Reading this brought me hope!! I think I'm going to try to live again.

 

[WornOutLife]

Reading this brought me hope!! I think I'm going to try to live again.

I'm so happy my words have brought you some hope!
I know what being in hell is like but trust me, if you're 100% mentally prepared, you can get out of it. There's neither shortcuts nor magical solutions. It's all on our minds.

 

[Into The Void]

What have you tired to get better with?

 

[ClaudeRains]

I've tried forcing myself to socialize but I just end up feeling like I'm wasting everyone's time.
I've tried throwing myself into work but it just makes me feel numb.
Exercise doesn't seem to make much difference.
I just feel lost.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

1) It can always get better, but it can also always get worse. It's up to you to figure out which is more likely given your entire situation and ultimately decide whether it's worth sticking around or not. Of course no matter what you conclude, life could always find some way to prove you wrong so it might still be worth staying alive even if you conclude it's not going to get any better. Only advice I got for how to feel better about it is to try to find smaller insignificant things that bring you joy maybe that can even be turned into something more meaningful for you. Go out and try as many things as you're willing to try.

2) Don't know much about this one. Maybe if you show signs of being suicidal a lot around them they'll get more used to the idea of it even if they don't like it. Another option that I don't really recommend is to make yourself so annoying to them that they might even wish you were dead. I've successfully driven friends away by being overly depressed and suicidal and even had one yell at me "THEN JUST FUCKING DO IT ALREADY". That was an amazing personal victory to me because it was like she was giving me permission. It's really dark and manipulative so don't do this if you don't want to.