Advice requested: Should I fake a terminal cancer diagnosis in order to prepare my family for my passing without raising the alarm?

[exitplease]

Firstly: I'm sorry if this offends anyone who has lost someone to cancer (or has cancer themselves). I honestly mean no disrespect.

I realise how ridiculous this may sound.

I really want to help prepare my family for my passing, as it's been made clear that everyone will fall to pieces and the family structure will cave in and flip inside out.

And if I change my mind about ctb I will be perceived as......the kind of person who fakes a cancer diagnosis.

I once had a friend who faked leukemia. I became really depressed in the process, thinking she was going to die. As soon as I found out it was fake I ghosted her. It's hard to describe the anger, disgust and sense of betrayal I felt. I don't want to put anyone through that if I change my mind.

There seems no better way to prepare family then to fake a terminal cancer diagnosis - it gives them time to mentally prepare for your passing, it gives you a chance to see everyone and say your goodbyes, and it won't raise the alarm or result in anyone dobbing you in.

Is this a good idea or a shit idea? Is this something you would consider doing?

 

[cloudymoon]

i think it depends on your relationship with them. if you have any contact with them (which it sounds like you do), i don't think it'd be a good idea. dying of cancer is often pretty long and painful and if they care about you whatsoever i doubt they would just not ask about your treatment or be okay with you saying you're not getting any. you would need to do a lot of research to make it believable and it would also probably be pretty noticable that you're physically fine if you see them in person. and if they found out afterwards that it wasn't cancer after all, they would just feel betrayed and would probably feel even worse about the whole thing.
i understand the desperation of wanting to make this easier on them, but ultimately, i don't think it's gonna be easy on them, whether you lie to them or not.

 

[exitplease]

Yeah, I think you're actually right I look like death tbh and am losing more and more weight, so they might believe that I'm sick. But I can't fake terminal - you can see and sense it. I'd also likely fuck up my story and it will be hard to explain why I'm choosing not to be treated.

I can't believe how hard this is. It's like there's no way of preparing them :( This is devastating.

 

[Orbitc]

Better to stay honest and good in their memories

 

[cloudymoon]

Yeah, I think you're actually right I look like death tbh and am losing more and more weight, so they might believe that I'm sick. But I can't fake terminal - you can see and sense it. I'd also likely fuck up my story and it will be hard to explain why I'm choosing not to be treated.

I can't believe how hard this is. It's like there's no way of preparing them :( This is devastating.

people who don't want to CTB will never understand and you won't be able to prepare them. it sucks, but it is what it is. people who value life will always be devastated by a loved one's death, because it's a tragedy to them. at least with CTB you can kinda explain yourself with a letter etc., although i doubt anyone will listen. meanwhile cancer is just cruel and doesn't care if you want to live or not, so it's potentially even more devastating.
obviously i don't know your family or how they will react, but i hope both you and they can find peace, no matter what happens.

 

[tiger b]

I'm not sure I could advise against being honest.

Whatever happens after your death isn't ultimately your responsibility.

 

[Kore]

I really don't think this is a good idea. You'd have to weave such a thick web of lies and it would be so easy to pull on any one of the loose threads and discover you were lying, and then ofc comes that betrayal and pain you mentioned. You'd have to do extensive research, you'd probably have to call your doctor and ask that if any family member gets in contact, that they should say absolutely nothing, you'd have to fake hospital appointments and maybe even medication? It's just… too much.

There are options such as making your ctb look accidental. Sometimes people genuinely do slip off of hiking trails, sometimes cars just go out of control into a tree, accidental overdose is a real thing… it's not too hard to have it ruled as an accident, though it would depend on your method and ensuring you have the details down. Do you have a method already chosen?

 

[Jolene79]

Don't do it. If they find out it wasn't real and you're here still, that will make you feel so much worse. I think many of us who have loved ones try figure out how we can make it better for those we care about. I just don't know how you do that.
For me, I feel the only miniscule comfort would be to make it look an accident x

 

[Styg]

Hey I understand the difficulty you're facing here, but I don't think you should fake a cancer diagnosis. While it may initially feel like you're doing the right thing by preparing your family and friends for your death, you're ultimately just creating a situation where those closed to you will feel bitterly angry as a result of the lie, on top of living with the agony that comes from losing someone. You said it yourself: you felt betrayed by the person who faked having leukaemia; would you want your loved ones to feel the same way towards you, even if you're not around to experience it? Mind you, I'm not trying to shame you or anything like that. I know that when I contemplate CTB, I try to think of ways where I can lessen the blow of my act on my friends and family, but I think that faking a cancer diagnosis for the sake of saying goodbye can do more harm than good. Ultimately, the decision is up to you: whatever you choose to do, I hope you're to find some peace and comfort for yourself.

 

[exitplease]

Thankyou so much for your honest responses guys, it's given me a lot to think about. I've decided against faking terminal cancer (LOL what a thing to hear one's self say!) My intentions were pure but you are right, it would cause more damage and might make them feel as angry and betrayed as I felt by my friend.

 

[Jolene79]

Thankyou so much for your honest responses guys, it's given me a lot to think about. I've decided against faking terminal cancer (LOL what a thing to hear one's self say!) My intentions were pure but you are right, it would cause more damage and might make them feel as angry and betrayed as I felt by my friend.

I don't know your story but I am guessing your mental turmoil is beyond hope now? Do you have physical ailments too?

I'm really not a pro lifer but I'm very much, have you tried every bloody thing on earth to improve why you feel the way you do. I think people suffer so much from mental health nightmares that very often have some biological or physical driver behind it. I appreciate you may be way beyond that and don't reply if it's too much to answer all my questions

 

[exitplease]

I don't know your story but I am guessing your mental turmoil is beyond hope now? Do you have physical ailments too?

I'm really not a pro lifer but I'm very much, have you tried every bloody thing on earth to improve why you feel the way you do. I think people suffer so much from mental health nightmares that very often have some biological or physical driver behind it. I appreciate you may be way beyond that and don't reply if it's too much to answer all my questions

Thanks so much for asking I appreciate it
I've tried everything plus more. Truly.
The only thing I haven't tried is ctb. I hear it's highly effective
Hope you're having a good day, wherever in the world you are!

 

[Jolene79]

Thanks so much for asking I appreciate it
I've tried everything plus more. Truly.
The only thing I haven't tried is ctb. I hear it's highly effective
Hope you're having a good day, wherever in the world you are!

I hear you. No one can ever understand what it's like for someone else. Yes ctb will remove most ailments! I'm not but I find some comfort in the loneliness of all this by coming on here. Good luck with everything and I hope more than anything something improves for you.