Help Advice needed

[needtogo]

My pelvic pain is getting worse by the day and I'm completely going mad. I've written a few posts about my situation but it is legitimately irrevocable. Each day is getting worse and my mind is forcing my body to suffer. All my intrusive thoughts are the awful and I have burning everywhere in my body.

I'm suffering horribly and it's unethical at this point to prolong what's happening to me. I'm at a mental health facility and I can't take any more of their classes. I'm triggered by literally everything and I need to wipe out my mind.

They check my mail which sucks but I need to ctb. I keep going back and forth but I believe the moral thing to do is to ctb. I understand the devastation it will cause but I am in hell. This needs to stop.

im not in possession of a lot of money at the moment (~150 bucks readily available) and for the most part I'm monitored a fair amount. I probably have at most 8 hours if nobody checking on me.

what would you do in my situation? If I discharge from here, I'll go back to my parents, but they won't let me discharge. I can fake acting better but it's so fucking hard. It needs to end. I'm trapped.... just so confused on what to do

 

[Responsibleresident]

Tell them the truth.

 

[needtogo]

Tell them the truth.

I've told them what I'm going through and it's all just bullshit. They say I need more therapy and need to go to more groups. I feel horribly patronized. I'm being taught how to think. I had my way of thinking and it led to incredible success until I was chemically castrated by a horrible doctor which led me to pain and madness. No method works for me. They just keep saying bullshit and I'm fed up.

 

[Responsibleresident]

I've told them what I'm going through and it's all just bullshit. They say I need more therapy and need to go to more groups. I feel horribly patronized. I'm being taught how to think. I had my way of thinking and it led to incredible success until I was chemically castrated by a horrible doctor which led me to pain and madness. No method works for me. They just keep saying bullshit and I'm fed up.

Can you challenge your psychiatric hold in court? No prescriptions aided your pain?

Chemically castrated?

 

[needtogo]

Can you challenge your psychiatric hold in court? No prescriptions aided your pain?

Chemically castrated?

Was given lexapro because I expressed I wanted to get to a lower level medication from remeron due to it causing erectile dysfunction. Lexapro proceeded to induce anorgasmia and genital anesthesia. Was numb for 6 weeks until it came back as pain and I have had pain for like 4 months now. Imagine someone constantly grabbing your sack or kicking you in the dick while setting your ass on fire. 24/7. The treatment for it is to be relaxed, stretches, and internal work aka shoving dildos up my ass or wands and pressing on my insides to "release" trigger points. I have to keep violating myself to "heal" myself.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

I think if you attempt to ctb there, you're likely to fail and end up there even longer with even more restrictions.

If it were me, I would act as if I'd made the decision to live with a goal of working toward thriving, and play the games, knowing it would help me reach my goal of getting out. I would work on a "plan" for post-release: what it looks like when I'm in crisis, how to self-soothe, support system for crisis, what to do/who to call when I'm in crisis, therapy/group plans, what tools I've learned from inpatient to use once out, etc. I'd show up to groups and participate, pretend that their bullshit is beneficial. I'd set a goal of one to two weeks to prove I've turned the corner they wanted me to and am ready to take all that shit to the outside. I would say that I'm going to learn to make friends with the pain, listen to what it is trying to teach me, bullshit like that, and how the crap they teach totally helps to accomplish that.

That's my advice.

Edit: I'd also say that the treatments you described in a comment above, I would tell them that I think they help, but I need the privacy and comfort of my own home to work with it, that I really want to work with it, but in privacy.

 

[needtogo]

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

I think if you attempt to ctb there, you're likely to fail and end up there even longer with even more restrictions.

If it were me, I would act as if I'd made the decision to live with a goal of working toward thriving, and play the games, knowing it would help me reach my goal of getting out. I would work on a "plan" for post-release: what it looks like when I'm in crisis, how to self-soothe, support system for crisis, what to do/who to call when I'm in crisis, therapy/group plans, what tools I've learned from inpatient to use once out, etc. I'd show up to groups and participate, pretend that their bullshit is beneficial. I'd set a goal of one to two weeks to prove I've turned the corner they wanted me to and am ready to take all that shit to the outside. I would say that I'm going to learn to make friends with the pain, listen to what it is trying to teach me, bullshit like that, and how the crap they teach totally helps to accomplish that.

That's my advice.

Thanks for the reply. So it's set up as me being here for a long ass time. Even if I go to groups and pretend I'm good it could be literally several months before I achieve more freedom. I can't take several more months of this. That's what's fucked up. I'm trapped...

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Thanks for the reply. So it's set up as me being here for a long ass time. Even if I go to groups and pretend I'm good it could be literally several months before I achieve more freedom. I can't take several more months of this. That's what's fucked up. I'm trapped...

Please be sure to see my edit in the precious comment, and now adding one below to this comment.

How did it get set up for you to be there so long? Is it an involuntary commitment? What kind of program is it? If you feel comfortable saying, what country are you in? If in the US and it's involuntary, you can request a hearing. Some states' hearings are worse than others, especially CA, where they can force people to take meds.

Edit:

I suggest checking out psychologist Seth Farber and perhaps contacting him, but would not bring up ctb plans. I have strong reservations about him. The anti-psychiatry organization he has been affiliated with has ties to Scientology, and he comes across as a nut job. But he is a known anti-psychiatry advocate and has testified on behalf of people on psych holds. Check him out for yourself, come to your own conclusions. Perhaps there is some help there, perhaps he's someone to steer clear of.

 

[needtogo]

Please be sure to see my edit in the precious comment, and now adding one below to this comment.

How did it get set up for you to be there so long? Is it an involuntary commitment? What kind of program is it? If you feel comfortable saying, what country are you in? If in the US and it's involuntary, you can request a hearing. Some states' hearings are worse than others, especially CA, where they can force people to take meds.

Edit:

I suggest checking out psychologist Seth Farber and perhaps contacting him, but would not bring up ctb plans. I have strong reservations about him. The anti-psychiatry organization he has been affiliated with has ties to Scientology, and he comes across as a nut job. But he is a known anti-psychiatry advocate and has testified on behalf of people on psych holds. Check him out for yourself, come to your own conclusions. Perhaps there is some help there, perhaps he's someone to steer clear of.

It's a voluntary place in the United States. There's a whole system at play to get me to "graduate". It's basically a residential place with "groups" and "activities". The people here are honestly very chill for the most part. I just know that my mind and body are actively torturing myself to get me to ctb sooner than later.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

It's a voluntary place in the United States. There's a whole system at play to get me to "graduate". It's basically a residential place with "groups" and "activities". The people here are honestly very chill for the most part. I just know that my mind and body are actively torturing myself to get me to ctb sooner than later.

If it's voluntary, I'm wondering why you do not exercise your right to leave, especially considering that you said they are teaching you how to think, you do not have the capacity to fake that it's working, and your choice is to ctb.

Given this new information, in response to your original request, my advice is to state your intention to leave the facility and set the release process in action. No games of playing along or faking it required. You are not helpless in this situation, you are not legally under their control, and that's great.

 

[W0ND3R_DOG]

I am not sure how helpful this will be but I have awful pelvic pain. I came to find out that I have Pelvic Floor Dysfunction, issues with my bladder, urethra, and basically my whole female reproductive system as well as something called Myofascial Pain Syndrome. I know you said you were low on money and in a mental health facility, but if there is any way you can see about getting a visit with a pelvic floor doctor, urologist or urogynecologist they might be able to help you reduce your pain. Pelvic Floor Physical Therapy has improved my quality of life greatly. Sadly that is just one of many chronic illnesses I have and even though the pelvic pain is better I still want to ctb due to all of the other health issues. I hope you can get the help you need and not just cbt because of the pelvic pain.

 

[needtogo]

I am not sure how helpful this will be but I have awful pelvic pain. I came to find out that I have Pelvic Floor Dysfunction, issues with my bladder, urethra, and basically my whole female reproductive system as well as something called Myofascial Pain Syndrome. I know you said you were low on money and in a mental health facility, but if there is any way you can see about getting a visit with a pelvic floor doctor, urologist or urogynecologist they might be able to help you reduce your pain. Pelvic Floor Physical Therapy has improved my quality of life greatly. Sadly that is just one of many chronic illnesses I have and even though the pelvic pain is better I still want to ctb due to all of the other health issues. I hope you can get the help you need and not just cbt because of the pelvic pain.

I have been seeing a pelvic floor specialist for 3 months now. Not really helping much. All the stretches, internal work, all that Jazz. The issue is that the pain is tied into my anxiety/anger, so given I'm constantly in this state, it's self perpetuating. And the anti anxiety meds I'm on make me have to drink water and to pee all the time. So it's a constant hassle. Nice to talk to someone else who has it and know how its nightmarish. But even if I were to get it u dee control, my mind has already gone.

If it's voluntary, I'm wondering why you do not exercise your right to leave, especially considering that you said they are teaching you how to think, you do not have the capacity to fake that it's working, and your choice is to ctb.

Given this new information, in response to your original request, my advice is to state your intention to leave the facility and set the release process in action. No games of playing along or faking it required. You are not helpless in this situation, you are not legally under their control, and that's great.

I can't leave because I have nowhere to go except my parents place and my parents wouldn't support me leaving, so I'm pretty much indirectly here involuntarily. My parents wouldn't know what to do with me back home and I'd end up back at a hospital. That is not an option. I need to find a way to CTB reliably so that does not happen. I mean maybe I can try to just take a lyft late at night to a local town and try to score some F or something but that's so risky given they would know I'm gone pretty quick. Maybe my best bet is to earn car privileges and drive to my home state to purchase a shotgun? I have no criminal record, I've been at a hospital twice but both were voluntary/observation. So I think I'd clear the background check. Plus I'm over 21 so maybe that is the way to go?

 

[W0ND3R_DOG]

I have been seeing a pelvic floor specialist for 3 months now. Not really helping much. All the stretches, internal work, all that Jazz. The issue is that the pain is tied into my anxiety/anger, so given I'm constantly in this state, it's self perpetuating. And the anti anxiety meds I'm on make me have to drink water and to pee all the time. So it's a constant hassle. Nice to talk to someone else who has it and know how its nightmarish. But even if I were to get it u dee control, my mind has already gone.

I am sorry your pelvic floor PT has not been helpful for you. I am in the exact same situation with the anxiety/anger/depression affecting the status of my pelvic floor pain. I often find the more anxious I am the worse it can be, but also if I am anxious I have to pee all the time too. I have been on many mental health medications and while some have caused me to have to pee all the time others have actually helped with my overactive bladder issues. I also did Myofacial pain release therapy for a while that was quite helpful, but is nothing like pelvic floor PT and it can be hard to find a center that does it. Amitriptyline and Nortriptyline both made me not have to pee as much though too high of a dosage made it difficult to pee which sucked. I currently use a dosage of Nortriptyline for both pain relief and overactive bladder issues. Gabapentin also made me not have to urinate as much but it was not helping my pain and mixed with the Nortriptyline was giving me additional side effects. Keep trying and hopefully, you can find something that works for you. I have been dealing with bladder and pelvic issues since I was a kid and I am now 26, it will always be a daily struggle but it should get to the point where it is at least manageable.

 

[needtogo]

I am sorry your pelvic floor PT has not been helpful for you. I am in the exact same situation with the anxiety/anger/depression affecting the status of my pelvic floor pain. I often find the more anxious I am the worse it can be, but also if I am anxious I have to pee all the time too. I have been on many mental health medications and while some have caused me to have to pee all the time others have actually helped with my overactive bladder issues. I also did Myofacial pain release therapy for a while that was quite helpful, but is nothing like pelvic floor PT and it can be hard to find a center that does it. Amitriptyline and Nortriptyline both made me not have to pee as much though too high of a dosage made it difficult to pee which sucked. I currently use a dosage of Nortriptyline for both pain relief and overactive bladder issues. Gabapentin also made me not have to urinate as much but it was not helping my pain and mixed with the Nortriptyline was giving me additional side effects. Keep trying and hopefully, you can find something that works for you. I have been dealing with bladder and pelvic issues since I was a kid and I am now 26, it will always be a daily struggle but it should get to the point where it is at least manageable.

Thanks for the advice! I did try gabapentin and had a bad reaction but maybe those other two could work.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I can't leave because I have nowhere to go except my parents place and my parents wouldn't support me leaving, so I'm pretty much indirectly here involuntarily. My parents wouldn't know what to do with me back home and I'd end up back at a hospital. That is not an option. I need to find a way to CTB reliably so that does not happen. I mean maybe I can try to just take a lyft late at night to a local town and try to score some F or something but that's so risky given they would know I'm gone pretty quick. Maybe my best bet is to earn car privileges and drive to my home state to purchase a shotgun? I have no criminal record, I've been at a hospital twice but both were voluntary/observation. So I think I'd clear the background check. Plus I'm over 21 so maybe that is the way to go?

The car privileges idea has potential if you want to pursue ctb.

Also, are you close to a large enough city that has Amazon drop off points? You could order SN, then get a Lyft or drive to a hotel.