Help Advice for coping with abusive home?

[AfraidofEverything]

While I will CTB someday, my goal is to stay around until things get unbearable or my quality of life suffers.

Right now I'm home and have nowhere else to go. My parent decided to go full time work at home and it has been real unpleasant. Reason being due to how verbally and emotionally abusive they get. It only seems to be getting worse and more frequent.

For those of you who were or are in a similar situation, do you have any advice for coping? How did you heal after they tear you down? Are there any strategies I can do? Anything at all would help.

I'm just finding it difficult to exist with so many meltdowns, my anxiety is worse and sleeping is hard.

 

[InezSerrano]

I know this is played out but therapy.

 

[motel rooms]

I used to spend a lot of time at the library as a kid. Even just walking around aimlessly is better than being around people who hate you.

 

[InezSerrano]

I used to spend a lot of time at the library as a kid. Even just walking around aimlessly is better than being around people who hate you.

Oh yeah, this is great advice. Lot's of librarians are really cool, at least in my experience, maybe I got lucky. Also if you're in school there is similar advice.

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

Not sure if this is completely applicable, but the general principle might be. This obviously isn't anything new, but I started using this mental framework recently and it seems more reliable than the other ones I've tried. In typical GAE fashion I have to mention my inceldom and vent before actually giving the shitty "advice".

So, I have/had/have had/hadv'st've pain from not having any chance at all to ever have a girlfriend. Now, I tried: Sour grapes, abandoning hope, distraction, etc. Nothing managed to hold up for long. This hasn't been tested long enough, but I have a good feeling.

The technique is simply to take a bigger, more theoretical problem and replace the "closer to home", emotionally driven one. So for me, every time I think of that I don't have a gf, I very quickly jump to two points. 1. The reason I don't have a gf is because I am unattractive due to the second point (got lucky with this, in this particular example). 2. I have no purpose, I have no reason to live.

2. Is obviously a much bigger problem than not having a gf, to me at least. Quick proof: would you rather have a reason to live or a gf? Even though some may actually answer gf, everyone would still be better off with the purpose (better off = less suicidal?). Having a completely meaningless life would overtake whatever the relationship gives in a matter of weeks or months, I am sure of it. Heard stories of men with amazing gfs who kill themselves due to a lack of purpose.

Anyway, you might have something like that. Something that doesn't give you emotional pain/distress, but still overshadows the abuse by how gigantic/awful/absurd it is. Preferably something that is close to impossible to fix (otherwise I imagine anxiety/stress could form). The goal is to find a huge problem that doesn't affect you emotionally, if that makes sense.

Anyway, don't what I say seriously. I am not a "professional"...

 

[summers]

While I will CTB someday, my goal is to stay around until things get unbearable or my quality of life suffers.

Right now I'm home and have nowhere else to go. My parent decided to go full time work at home and it has been real unpleasant. Reason being due to how verbally and emotionally abusive they get. It only seems to be getting worse and more frequent.

For those of you who were or are in a similar situation, do you have any advice for coping? How did you heal after they tear you down? Are there any strategies I can do? Anything at all would help.

I'm just finding it difficult to exist with so many meltdowns, my anxiety is worse and sleeping is hard.

Not sure if you're able to, but what about an adult training or certification program? Most states/cities have these totally for free. It would get you out of the house and a skill that would eventually allow you to make enough to live on your own (sorry if you can't do this due to a disability).

Also, are you helping out around the house, cleaning, washing clothes, etc...?

 

[MyStateKilledMe]

I know this is played out but therapy.

No! No!

Therapists don't help victims at all. They ALWAYS take the parents' side, unless the abuse is physical and there are signs of injury. I grew up in an abusive home too, with the abuse being mostly emotional, and tried telling my therapist about it. She just mocked me or pretended not to understand me each and every time. I quickly learned where her loyalty resided, and stopped telling her about it. I just turned to alcohol, cold medications, and inhalants.

One resource who may be of some help is a SCHOOL counselor. While independent therapists are loyal to the person paying them (e.g. the parents), school counselors are loyal to the school. And no school wants an abused students there; it's bad for their reputation. So a school counselor may be of some help. He/she may teach the patient skills to fight against the abuse, or even work with the state to have them removed from their home altogether.

 

[timf]

We had woods and a swamp nearby and I spent a lot of time outdoors. I finally went in the Army. This was over 50 years ago.

 

[Crazy4u]

are you able to avoid your parent? I had the same problem when I was younger. I used to hide in my room, keep quiet and spend time in the internet

 

[Red]

I went through a phase of doing absolutely any extracurricular activity I could possibly get into when I had this problem in my mid teens. Joined every after school club I could get into, even went to church with my grandmother and church related youth activities (despite being decidedly atheist by this point) for time too, which got me out of the house and doing community products and going on outings n stuff too.

Sports, hobbies, social groups - anything that will get you out for a bit with the guise of being constructive. Even led to weekends away and trips that lasted more than just a couple of hours, really helped me disconnect from that awful home environment!

It really shouldn't be that way for anyone as it's obviously completely topsy turvy- home should be your safe space! But getting out of there, even momentarily, is preferable to staying and will not only provide some distraction but might perhaps help you build/strengthen your support networks outside the home to better prepare you for when you're in it! Anywhere you can get direct help or advice is also worth a try.

I agree with other suggestions such as making sure that you're of visible use while you are home too so there's less for the parent to complain about - if they can see that you are contributing and making things easier for them it might make them less likely to kick off.

Good luck! I hope that things settle down for you soon

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

Oh yeah, this is great advice. Lot's of librarians are really cool, at least in my experience, maybe I got lucky. Also if you're in school there is similar advice.

Yes. Yes we are.

 

[myopybyproxy]

I used to spend a lot of time at the library as a kid. Even just walking around aimlessly is better than being around people who hate you.

seconding libraries and long walks when the weather is good. my family is not abusive but sometimes I just sit somewhere outside or in the car in a parking lot just waiting for time to pass - eventually I force myself to return. it's kind of pathetic how overdramatic I am about it considering they are trying to be helpful. I just don't feel safe around them.

 

[9BBN]

I found it hard to cope while living at home. Assuming you've already tried communicating your aggravation and setting boundaries, you should leave home. Especially if you find yourself with suicidal thoughts at home, that's a sign you'd rather be dead than living there. The longer you stay, the more trauma you'll potentially have to relieve when you're older. And the quicker you leave home, the more time you'll have to build a support network outside and gain independence.