I am all alone too. I have no friends anymore, I was forced to move to this horrible remote city after living in my home area for 55 years. I am running low on money, have to get subsidized housing, I was supposed to stay in my hometown area; this psycho narcissistic special needs trustee brainwashed the lawyer who had been helping me and forced me to move to this hell. I'm 180 miles away from any friends I
had. Still texting with one but he can't talk on the phone because of his spasmodic dysphonia. I had 5 friends when I moved in over 3 years ago, I've been frozen, I have PTSD and autism, agoraphobia and a very severe anxiety disorder and NO emotional support whatsoever - just a
*stupid* former friend from high school in this town who seems to have as much brains as Homer Simpson, a zombie when it comes to feelings. One friend blamed me for her helping me move and not paying enough attention and time to her spouse, her home and her mother; then the lawyer blamed ME for not appreciating what the trustee "did for me," not knowing that the woman tried to have me found incompetent and therefore in need of a conservator by a neuropsychiatrist in 2020, (as instead of writing the report in my favor in a couple week as he said he would, [along with promises of going to court for me if needed], he took around 3/4s of a year to find a way to not find me fully competent AS HE said I was when he gave me a cognitive test which was under the guise of getting help with housing from a regional center) and he used arbitrary BS reasons like that I take medication for anxiety! [he also thought I was not autistic because I did not love the smell of new tires!] so she never knew, and no one will help me tell her - and then the woman who abused me for 4 days straight non-stop with texts had me falling for a fake site, I almost fell for a Nembutal scam, I didn't know it was illegal, I should have known (it was a fake peaceful pill site, a rogue one) but I hadn't looked at my peaceful pill handbook for ages (I used to wish for an exit kit; nothing else made an impression); then after losing both this woman as a "friend" and the lawyer (and getting a county person after the trustee likely stole 50 grand or more from me), then her wife left a voicemail totally abusive calling me words I probably can't write on here, thinking I was "giving her the silent treatment" when I was just too DEPRESSED to talk. That was in Oct. of 2023. Around a year later this other friend who lived across the street from them calls me and is checking to make sure I'm okay, but the second time she did that, I called her back and she would NOT answer me, just the LITERAL silent treatment then. And I figure it was due to gossip from the others.
Meanwhile I waited/expected the two who were abusive to apologize, and we'd be friends again one day, but they
don't know HOW to apologize, so it never happened. Then a therapist I had lied and said she was quitting her practice, but in reality, I found a few months later, she OPENED UP one of her OWN! So I don't trust any therapists. I still had two friends like, one woman and one man (I'm a 58 year old hetero male); so then this past month or two months ago, the woman who Ive known all my life ends the friendship, because I insist it is NOT selfish to want to take one's life, and it IS selfish to want to keep someone alive! So she ended it and wrote "No apology" and "I have to protect myself" (?WTF?!????????) and "I wish you peace" - PEACE?!?? I just want to curse writing that.
That leaves my longest friend, who I'm getting mad at because he won't help me with a simple letter to the person who was my lawyer and SUPPOSED to be my trust protector - but she let me get bullied. I've been pushed around my whole life, my mom was schizophrenic, once took an axe to my door when I was 18 with me on the inside. She was psycho and *I* stayed around. I don't know why. And my brothers are garbage, both of them, we're dead to each other, I have no family.
I have no one who cares about anything about me. People who are workers from the county also sure don't give a DAMN about you.
So everyday I have NOTHING.
Nothing at all.
No friends, nothing.
I can't take it.
I have the TV and watch old movies; I listen to music on Spotify - but I'm all alone.
Every day I wake up, it's another day is a real CURSED environment; a prison, a - a HELL, I don't know how to get out of.
The only way out of this never-ending nightmare is death, for me.
I HATE myself for not being able to just overdose on my beta blockers or something.
I'd give anything to have Nembutal or something like it, or a gun to wipe myself out.
Instead I sit inside and I go crazy *every_damn_ DAY*. I just can't take it any more.
I want
OUT!!!!! Out of this nightmare.
Being alone
SUCKS!
I feel like the guy in the Twilight Zone episode "The Lonely."
As well as the pilot episode "Where Is Everybody?"
I'm stuck in a nightmare of loneliness and isolation too.
I'd be MUCH better off dead.
Hope it's okay I wrote all this - I wanted to say I know how it is to be alone and isolated too.
