Venting Accepting the end and pain ill cause others

[MrDarkness]

I plan on leaving soon, I can't say when, but my biggest issue is I've seen how much death can hurt others, I don't want my death to hurt others, it cant be avoided, I wake up everyday knowing the clock is ticking and I'm running out of time. Why does it have to so hard, I wish everyone could forget me, I wish I could rot away alone, fuck I've never been like this before, knowing that when I attempt full hanging I'll probably die. Fuck man

 

[Reike3]

Hi my friend,
I'm so sorry to hear that you're feeling this way and that the cruelty of life has pushed you to this point. I totally understand how that can eat you up inside as I'm thinking about the exact same stuff every time I'm considering CTB. That being the reason to postpone it every damn time. I unfortunately don't have a solution but I've been thinking about writing either one very long note to my wife and son or several ones trying to explain why it was inevitable and that they don't bear any responsibility at all. It won't stop people from beating themselves up but it definitely has the potential to ease their pain afterwards at least to some degree. On top I've been thinking about writing down all my banking information, all accounts, passwords, logins, phone and computer logins etc along with instructions so my family at least has easy access to the tiny financial ressources I saved up to pay formaybe a cheap funeral and 1-2 months of mortgage.

All that can only slightly ease pain if it does so at all. Don't have a better idea how to stop other people from hurting. I kinda doubt it's possible to really prevent/stop, beginning to realize that only easing it very slightly seems to be the only option.

Hoping to hear from others and their thoughts and ideas, maybe we can put together a list of things to ease pain on loved ones. It seems to be your biggest reason to not CTB so far as it is mine as well. Sometimes can be a good thing cause it keeps you from going through with it but sometimes you just wanna CTB so god damn badly and you feel trapped and feel like you kinda can't. A real catch 22 - damned if you do, damned if you don't...

Sending lots of love and strength to you and all the other souls feeling the same way! May we all find peace & happyness somehow wherever that may be.

 

[アホペンギン]

I understand why you feel like this, I feel the same way. It will hurt so much to see you go.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's a reason as to why I'm against life being forced here in the first place as if nobody had to exist then there would be no loss and no suffering at all, losing people is simply inevitable as long as one exists here, we are all destined for nothing but to cease existing, I bet that eventually most of us won't even exist in the memories of those who continue to stay here. But anyway best wishes with your plans.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

It's so hard to leave this world and it's almost impossible not to hurt others. I have to deal with similar problems.

 

[Glandular]

I unfortunately don't have a solution but I've been thinking about writing either one very long note to my wife and son or several ones trying to explain why it was inevitable and that they don't bear any responsibility at all. It won't stop people from beating themselves up but it definitely has the potential to ease their pain afterwards at least to some degree

I'm in the same situation. I will write multiple individual letters to all my loved ones - at least trying to explain that they had nothing to do with it and that I hope they can move on. I don't expect them to accept it right away (or ever) but eventually maybe they understand. I will also leave a message for the police to make their work easier.
Last will is also important.
I also hope that those left behind will be comforted by the fact that I planned it for so long - that I didn't just do it out of the blue. Explaining everything thoroughly leaves them with options. They can either choose to ignore most of it or investigate as much as they like. Whatever helps them.

 

[MrDarkness]

I understand why you feel like this, I feel the same way. It will hurt so much to see you go.

Dw you will have to deal with me for a bit longer lmaooo