Academic failure, dreaming about med school and iq fixation

[achromatic]

For starters I would like to highlight that this somewhat trivial problem that I'm going to mention here is far from my top reasons to ctb, but it's bothering me nevertheless. It's not a case of " Uuu I didn't get into med school, so I'm going to kill myself" more so " The thought that I'm actually much dumber than "normal" person -haunts me every waking hour and it's been like 7 years" - that's why I have huge academic anxiety. I'm sorry if I sound silly or spoiled and I hope I'm not invalidating anyone by talking about something so insignificant. I've always wanted to study medicine (mainly because of pure interest in subject)- higher education is generally free here, so student debt is not a factor - you get admitted to a universitity based solely on your (held annual) national exam scores. You can take one after finishing highschool. My bio is high enough, but my chem score really sucks and I would have to retake the exam in spring - I already studied a lot for it, but my mind is foggy, blank and I have memory of average 80 yo. Now I'm so unmotivated that I'm unable to study at all - everything seems pointless - the game was rigged by neurobiology and I was never even a player. I hate my stupidity, my inability to reason and be logical. I do not know my actual iq score and I don't want to ever know - it would crush me beyond repair. My officially done Wachsler score is above average on verbal part ( which is insignificant, affected by upbringing and knowledge) never did the more important part, because I chickened out and straight up refused to do it - I was 15 at that time. I worry that everything is a pipe dream because I'm simply too dumb. I deeply hate modern propaganda of - you can do anything you'll set your mind to/dream big - or similar bullshit, but maybe I'm doing something opposite here - setting myself up for failure- I'm so afraid of it that I self -sabotage. I'm well aware that studying medicine would not be a magical cure here and I know many of you succeeded academicaly and are still suffering deeply. Maybe I just want to prove to myself that I'm capable enough. I'm mainly venting, but any advice would be much appreciated.

 

[cowie]

You seem pretty intelligent, and you mentioned poor memory. Maybe mental illness is clouding your brain or a medical issue.

Even if on an objective level, you personally don't think you are smart enough, you have to believe that you are. You have to be your biggest advocate. There will always be people who are smarter, even if you had a really high IQ.

Sorry if this came off annoying or patronizing. Even if you don't get into the program you want, I think you can still find something worth doing. You may be able to provide tremendous value somewhere you haven't thought of yet.

 

[MidnightDream]

I completely understand where you're coming from.

I dropped out of school when I was 16, always believed myself to be unintelligent and incapable of academics. I decided when I became a bit older that I wanted that to change, and I embarked on a very different path. I'm now at university studying a very difficult degree, not medicine, but along those lines, and every day I question if I made a mistake. Even though I was given a place on the course, I find myself struggling daily with brain fog, and I wonder how I will ever be able to consume the information required to even pass my first year exams, let alone ever make it into practice.

Please find solace in the fact that medicine is the most difficult thing you can study, it's not just intelligence that determines success. There are many very very intelligent people that would never cope with the demands of the degree, and many people of average intelligence who would manage it. I don't know where I personally fall on that scale anymore, but even though I am studying the thing I never thought I could, that hasn't validated me or helped me in the slightest - if anything I feel even less intelligent now.

 

[jodes2]

I'm sure you can do it, you've come this far

 

[leeloosnow]

i've seen a lot of really dumb shit transpire in the medical community, both as a patient and as a caregiver. you're way ahead of the game imo. do yo thing!

 

[Alayna]

Someone once close did med. It was a huge slog and she didn't do well initially, despite being one of the brightest ppl I've ever met. It was circumstances getting her.

Knowing you a little bit, I'd say it your limiter would 100% be mindset. It's a punishing degree work-ethicwise (which you say you're struggling with). And unfortunately, memory is quite important. Although that might become easier as it transitions from theory to clinical work, if you're more inclined to remember actual experiences than readings? As to chemistry, again I think it becomes less important as the degree goes on and you specialise more. But having a better background would doubtless help and give confidence if you're able to do some side reading under all the fog.

All in all, it sounds corny but I think capacity to work matters more than natural intelligence. Given the length and intensity of the degree you'll have to have a long and honest conversation with yourself and hopefully others about whether you'll be able to put in the hours consistently. Bc it's hard to catch up with the sheer volume if you have a bad month and fall behind. But if you believe you can do it, all that considered, go for it. A noble profession, and I'm sure you'd be great.

Just thoughts, take with a grain of whatever:)

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EDIT: Sorry if it was insensitive to some members of the community to say that effort beats "intelligence", therefore implying that their difficulties are for want of trying. But I believe that above some baseline level of cognitive ability, hard work wins out. I simply doubt that in this particular case AC would be limited in their profession by their IQ.

 

[GreyCTB]

You talk about memory issues. Have you ever tried picking up a book that teaches you mental tricks to remember things more easily?
I found one for really cheap once, it helped me perform better in university (physics major). I had 8 entire chapters of my thermodynamics book memorized, and probably could've memorized the whole book if I kept going. I got better at solving exercises too.
Maybe something like that could help you. If you want I can teach you everything I learned from that book over DM's. It's so easy to learn even little kids will be able to pick it up in a day

 

[achromatic]

Thank you all for your insight

 

[Obliviate]

I wanna go to medical school too. It's so nice meeting people here who wanna become doctors but are held back due to various reasons. and LMAOOO idk what country you live in but damn no loans? I live in the US so I am beyond fucked here. All the odds are against me and becoming a doc whether MD or Phd was my only dream so now what's the point? I have literally nothing else to live for.

 

[Ceterum]

Please find solace in the fact that medicine is the most difficult thing you can study, it's not just intelligence that determines success.

I beg to differ in one regard, that's intelligence. It's all about learning, less about intelligence, rest assured ;)

 

[MidnightDream]

I beg to differ in one regard, that's intelligence. It's all about learning, less about intelligence, rest assured ;)

That's what I meant by saying 'it's not just intelligence' :)

 

[Ceterum]

That's what I meant by saying 'it's not just intelligence' :)

fair enough.

But just as hint @op : if you go for med, consider if you want a work-work balance instead of a work life balance - although I cannot speak for countries other than my own, I assume it's kinda the same all over the place

 

[ncmxm]

@GreyCTB If you don't mind, could you please tell what the title of the book is?


@achromatic I don't have a lot of advice, but I want to tell you that I relate a lot to you

From what you've told, I think it's possible that you're preventing yourself from trying because failure would destroy your self-esteem and confirm your fears about your intelligence

I think maybe the best course of action for you would be to work on two things, to find ways to make studying easier (for example, vitamins, good sleep hygiene, and trying new memorising techniques could help with memory problems), and to uncouple your opinion on your intelligence from whether you're able to study medicine or not. I'm by any means not saying that you will fail, just that it'll be easier for you to try if you don't have this thought of "if I can't do it, I'm stupid" looming over you

I wish you success and peace of mind

 

[StolenLife]

Look, I will be honest with you, as someone who is currently still enroled in med school myself... It's for the normies. It's not for people like us who have to deal with brain fog and meds that put us to sleep. As a doctor, you have lives depending on you at all times. It's stressful and burnouts are common. I will most likely have to quit due to the stress. You have to study your whole life and memorize everything. You think you will be the one who will be known for achieving such a thing while batting with a mental illness and celebrated due to that, but you won't. Med school students are toxic and mental illness is still stigmatised among those circles.
But then again maybe you are different than me, I don't know, no one knows.
I wish someone told me that earlier so that my dreams are cut off shortly instead of wasting years and years on an impossible goal. Sorry if I sounded rude but I would have said the same thing to my younger self if I could.

 

[Celerity]

Have you considered any allied health fields? Medical school isn't for everyone. Honestly, after weighing the pros and cons, I don't think I'd go even if I could be a successful doctor. The stress they put up with just isn't worth it.

As for not thinking you are intelligent, you should also consider that you are necessarily comparing yourself against the top students in the class. Most people by definition will look inferior by comparison.

 

[achromatic]

Thank you all again for your input, I didn't expected so much reaction to this post, but I'm grateful.
I'm going to try my hardest - simply because I don't even have anything left to loose right now.
I don't know what to respond to all of you individualy, but it's given me food for a thought and I'm reading everything carefully.
I considered other healthcare jobs. I did pharm actually - it was fine and my grades were okay but I was forced to resign due to health reasons. I was kinda unhappy with job prospects - obv there's nothing wrong with working in pharmacy, but it's probably not for me. The lenght and demands of this degree are not really proportional with prospects, since reasarch jobs are kinda mythical here after pharm (for less than 1%) - they prefer engineers.
I would have gotten in into vet school, but 1) my parents didn't allow me to go so far from home 2) I wouldn't manage to study to retake exams for med school at the same time
@ItsForTheBest Let's not take things with grain of salt in recovery subforum you are so nice to me, thank you

Tbh I worded it incorrectly in my post - my let's call it " intellectual inferiority" it's not related only to med students or anything - it's with me even during everyday mundane tasks and conversations. I also have to admit that my former classmates who are now in dental or med school were very diffrent from me, I'm not even talking about intelligence, while they were sometimes party people, they also had good work ethic and certain "put togetherness" that I lack.
@StolenLife I'm so sorry it turned out like this for you. I hope you'll manage to continue if you want to. You don't sound rude and I quite enjoy hearing honest opinions.

 

[Celerity]

Thank you all again for your input, I didn't expected so much reaction to this post, but I'm grateful.
I'm going to try my hardest - simply because I don't even have anything left to loose right now.
I don't know what to respond to all of you individualy, but it's given me food for a thought and I'm reading everything carefully.
I considered other healthcare jobs. I did pharm actually - it was fine and my grades were okay but I was forced to resign due to health reasons. I was kinda unhappy with job prospects - obv there's nothing wrong with working in pharmacy, but it's probably not for me. The lenght and demands of this degree are not really proportional with prospects, since reasarch jobs are kinda mythical here after pharm (for less than 1%) - they prefer engineers.
I would have gotten in into vet school, but 1) my parents didn't allowed me to go so far from home 2) I wouldn't manage to study to retake exams for med school at the same time
@ItsForTheBest Let's not take things with grain of salt in recovery subforum you are so nice to me, thank you

Tbh I worded it incorrectly in my post - my let's call it " intellectual inferiority" it's not related only to med students or anything - it's with me even during everyday mundane tasks and conversations. I also have to admit that my former classmates who are now in dental or med school were very diffrent from me, I'm not even talking about intelligence, while they were sometimes party people, they also had good work ethic and certain "put togetherness" that I lack.
@StolenLife I'm so sorry it turned out like this for you. I hope you'll manage to continue if you want to. You don't sound rude and I quite enjoy hearing honest opinions.

Pharm is a shit show. I looked into that for a short time and backed out very quickly. Does your school have any advisors who can help you look at other options? Depending on your state and the surrounding hospitals, other clinicians besides doctors may live pretty comfortably.

 

[achromatic]

Pharm is indeed a shit show.
No, my school never had any advisors or anything similar and I'm probably barely enrolled currently - if you miss either one lab exercise or two seminars, you are practically doomed. I have no chances of returning or switching degree till next fall. It's not like you can pick classes or do part of something.

 

[Celerity]

Pharm is indeed a shit show.
No, my school never had any advisors or anything similar and I'm probably barely enrolled currently - if you miss either one lab exercise or two seminars, you are practically doomed. I have no chances of returning or switching degree till fall. It's not like you can pick classes or do part of something.

I would probably get dunked on by a lot of these same advisors for suggesting this, but I have found hanging out on Reddit helpful. You get to hear a lot of people bitch about the problems they have with their jobs, so you can decide for yourself if you could handle it. On the positive side, some users will even give you advice on if/how you should join their profession.