Venting Abysmal self esteem

[d3j3ct3dl0s3r05]

Does anyone else have excruciatingly low self esteem? Like to the point where you barely even see yourself as human and nothing more as an object brought upon this Earth to suffer and be a burden upon everyone you come across. I also see myself as horrendously ugly and psychologically damaged and not worth loving. Good is that I'll at least be able to CTB easily without being held back by thoughts of "family" or "friends". Just wish it was easier to get SN or similar in Oceania

 

[The Burning Fool]

My body is a corpse in progress. Dust and ash, making up a strange, momentary pattern in the wind. All of what we falsely perceive as the material world is ultimately worthless, therefore having any kind of self-esteem would be on another level of being delusional.

 

[toofargone6969]

Yes. I relate to everything you said. I feel like a shell of who I once was both physically and mentally. I'm a disgusting waste of space and can hardly stand to look in the mirror. I have not a shred of self esteem or worth left. It's been all gone for a long time. I'm sorry you feel this way too. This can't be a way to live. It's not sustainable.

 

[ultrasharpy123456]

Yes. I was in the bathroom today when I remembered something. I remembered when I was in a hotel room and my sister left her card for us to use to buy food with. When e went out to get something to eat after our sister found we didn't use the card the whole day since none of us had any money my sister turned and snapped at me. She said something like, "When I leave the money for you to use, use it. I don't know what you're trying to do..." and blah blah or something else like that. And she was angry and said it in a mean tone. Thing is... I had no idea she even left that card there in the first place.

And I was thinking, I should have told her not to yell at me and I had no idea she left money for us. And then I was thinking, "No maybe I shouldn't have." And then that's when it dawned upon me that I have terrible self-respect and self-esteem. I realized that don't respect myself.

And then there are times hen I think I'm respecting myself too much and take it too far and snap at innocent people and get angry. I verbally abuse them and say things I shouldn't have. I end up feeling remorse and going, "What have I done?" Of course I've made horrible decisions. So I live with the fact that I am the scum of the earth.

 

[RedDoor]

I feel you, i always feel less to others. I want to exit this world to relief myself and the people around me. No matter what people say i just know that they are lying. im nothing, i will never be and maybe i don't even want to be

 

[pole]

i feel like my self-esteem is not existent at this point. i feel so worthless and less than others.

what's great is that i have stopped caring about pleasing people and chasing attention, love, or a desire to be liked. i don't care anymore about how i physically look to others and what they may think of me.

it feels all of what once held me down is gone with my self-esteem having been destroyed. the care, just how intense i felt about how others perceived of me, it's gone and it feels really good and calming for the first time ever.

everything i do is for myself and for once, i don't take a step forward worrying how others will feel or doing it for someone else. instead, i do it for me and with myself in mind.

sounds stupid and it is destructive, but hitting that new low in terms of self-esteem has changed me in a way that i am finally comfortable with feeling. it pushes me closer to CTBing while helping me manage the storm until my time comes.

 

[Hollowman]

i feel like my self-esteem is not existent at this point. i feel so worthless and less than others.

what's great is that i have stopped caring about pleasing people and chasing attention, love, or a desire to be liked. i don't care anymore about how i physically look to others and what they may think of me.

it feels all of what once held me down is gone with my self-esteem having been destroyed. the care, just how intense i felt about how others perceived of me, it's gone and it feels really good and calming for the first time ever.

everything i do is for myself and for once, i don't take a step forward worrying how others will feel or doing it for someone else. instead, i do it for me and with myself in mind.

sounds stupid and it is destructive, but hitting that new low in terms of self-esteem has changed me in a way that i am finally comfortable with feeling. it pushes me closer to CTBing while helping me manage the storm until my time comes.

Very relatable