Venting About that PhD... I have a voice in my mind telling me to do it...

[mistersinister]

At my freshman year, I did want to do a PhD. 3 years later, when I was blackpilled, I don't want to do a PhD anymore. I just want to do a MS and go home. But there is a voice saying "wake up... you are 5'5', ugly and Asian'... you NEED to do a PhD to get a chance in marriage..."

What should I do?? I'm in my senior year, I just want to be done with this academia SHIT

 

[AreWeWinning]

I don't know if this is going to help you, but just some random thoughts you may want to consider.

What are your reasons for wanting to CTB? If it's the pressure or expectations of your parents or whomever for you to do a PhD, you might be better off not doing it. But then you'll still have to work on getting rid of, or fighting that pressure.

If it's your own expectations, but you still put too much pressure on yourself, i.e. you don't feel capable of doing it, then you might want to look somewhere else where you can excel. It doesn't have to be a PhD. If you can get really good at something, it almost doesn't matter what it is.

If you have the mental capacity to do a PhD (it's not an easy thing to get), and you feel suicidal for other reasons, then this might be a nice goal to have regardless of anything else. Like don't worry about marriage, or anything else. Just say to yourself you'll finish the PhD no matter what, and then you'll reassess. It'll probably keep you alive until then, because you have something to fight for.

 

[21stcenturycamus]

I understand your problem, I have the same dilemma myself about doing a PhD after my masters. However, I decided that I would wait and work for a few years in my field before jumping on to a PhD. When considering doing a PhD, you are talking about a VERY long term commitment as well as the stress associated with it for years. Personally, I decided against it because I am still quite young and quite talented when it comes to academics. I would not want to do it before I am sure that I am passionate about my subject and committed to finishing as it usually takes years. You should also consider that after the PhD, you'll most likely become a university teacher and whether you want that for your future.

 

[YourNeighbor]

It depends on your field and what you want to do. If you want to be done with academia, a Ph.D. might not make much sense (again, depending on your field). Most people get Ph.D.s to pursue careers in academia and research.

An M.S. may make little sense either (again, very much depending on what you want to do with it), but if you're considering grad school, better to try to get into a Ph.D. program and get your M.S. there (can always quit after), as you will be much more likely to be paid for it.

 

[catahuyouk]

I want to say that phd is not necessary. It can be tough and you may still find that you are in a difficult position (hard to find jobs etc.) after getting your phd. I think you should have some talk with your parents to access the situation and you can consider gap a year or something like that.

Good luck.

 

[EraseRewind]

I've had the same thoughts, during my first year I set my goal hiding out in university and of studying right through to PhD, since graduating I've lost enthusiasm for the MSc I'm studying and I can see little point in what I'm doing other than it being a goal that is keeping me going.

I'm certainly getting the feeling that the MSc will give me only a slight edge in a jobs market that I can't possibly compete in due to my past and my age and I'm expecting poor results due to my laziness this year. If you are doing well in your course and you don't have anything that could affect you getting a job then a PhD may be good for you if your young enough, an MS should at least give you the opportunity to find out if you would be comfortable with some research in your field, but that would mean sticking with academia.

The only positive for me is that I've not had to face real life and as September approaches the fear of continuing to live and go to further study is rising significantly, I'm also completely convinced I've studied the wrong subject and should have researched more throughly before I started at this age. So I would say follow your heart and if you enjoy your subject/field try and enjoy the journey, even if the academia sucks at the moment, if your young then you have time to find out. I wish you well in your journey.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

How your PhD will be structured is highly dependent on which county you're in. From the way you've described your degree, I'm assuming you're from North America? On top of that, there will be a few ideosynchraties depending on whether you're in Canada or the USA too.

No matter where you live, you will be making poverty wages for the duration of your PhD. Depending on the country and the university, your institution may provide you with some relief, either in the form of offering you access to student housing (which can potentially be cheaper) subsidising medical costs, if you're in a country requiring health insurance, or waving property taxes if you're staying in a rental property.

However, the assistance won't be palpable when you're struggling to stay afloat. Even in European countries, the stipends don't go very high- sure you won't be paying income tax, but you're still going to be in the bottom of the barrel in terms of wages- and you will likely be working yourself to the bone while others your age have a stringent, agreed upon employment schedule.

I've heard that if you're in the USA or Canada, your PhD can last up to 6 years. That's completely insane, to expect one to combat rising costs and inflations on meager breadcrumbs of a salary. However, if you're in Europe, expect your PhD to take around 3 years or so. I'm not sure about Asian countries, but I assume they also have hard limits on funding and how long you will be expected to research for your thesis.

To get accepted into a program, you also need to have significant research experience, and I'm not sure if universities in North America provide you with that. It seems most people had to volunteer to obtain the experience that would please admissions committees, when I've read stories of PhD candidates who study in those countries. Here, we have to do a research dissertation to graduate, so you've already gotten a taste for what is expected in postgrad.

Academia is very cutthroat and competitive. You will probably be forced to travel often and come across some poncey characters who you may or may not get along with. There is little room for failure, as a constant, overbearing presence hangs above you, threatening to lurch down and seize your livelihood and throttle your career at any moment if you don't tailor your research to what a journal fancies.

It can cost upwards of 3000 pounds just to submit an article to a journal for review, and there's a good chance that it will be immediately rejected if the journal has a high "impact factor." Such a lifestyle breeds stress and creates animosity when you can't live up to a idealised, ornate image that's been imposed upon you by supervisors.

I am not sure if this is the case in humanities, but from how it's been described to me by my professors in STEM (mainly medical researchers) the academic sector is a fucking jungle.