Venting About Me & Social Anxiety

[sssiren]

Hi im new here and i wanted to make a venting post about my situation in general.
First off, i have severe Social Anxiety and i'm extremely "Introverted".
Currently i don't have any IRL friends, i just talk to my online friends via texting on discord but its not too serious, just something i like doing for fun.
I was always the quiet girl in class and all the friends i had were just temporary depending on the class, i never really talked to them due to my shyness, and obiously those friendships faded away by now:(
When i talk to people, even my dad, i can't keep eye contact and its just so painful to think about how i look to them.
Recently i been going for walks around my neighborhood, park.. sometimes its relaxing.. but i can't stop thinking about how other people see me, or what they think.. i know this is like something people always tell u to don't think and don't mind but it's super complicated for me.
Everytime i see guys/girls my age i cant help but compare myself and get sad over how i can't seem to make friends. (also i get really shy and awkward around people my age).
About dating and relationships.. i always been told im cute and i like to remember that, but the past years i've tried to talk people that i like and they seem to like me i just end up always backing out and ghosting them, and i hate this about me..
Something i really like is Fashion and making/buying clothes, i have always been into it, when i dress up and look in the mirror.. im like it looks super cute, but when im walking out its another story, its not like im not comfortable in them but i start to think they suck and i did a bad job. I think lowly of me in all aspects :( and i can't seem to fix this.

Those are some of troubles that i've had for the most of my life.
Nowadays i just sit on the computer thinking about the quick way out, im just getting tired of all this, that i don't think i will ever fix.. im not happy and i can't keep pretending i am happy.

The main reason that is holding me back are my parents, my parents have always been so good to me, and understanding of everything i do, i love them with all my heart.
My dad recently had a heart attack in 2020 and he survived but recently he's not been feeling too good.
I'm an only child so that would mean my mom would probably be alone soon :( and i hate to have that thought.

I'm lonely, and i don't seem to work in the world, i cannot hold a simple conversation or be a normal girl that socializes with other people her age. And i will never fix it i am too scared of everything that involves it:(

This will be my freshman year in college and honestly i don't know if im going to even reach that date, im just coming into a conclusion now, im very sad, and thoughts can't leave me alone lately:(

I have never taken any meds or went to therapy for kind of the same reasons i'm sorry.

If anyone reading this has similar feelings and would like to share help, talk etc. i would appreciate it a lot, thank you<3

 

[CassieHoward]

I can relate to a lot of what you're saying. It's kind of difficult to look to wrap things up for yourself (so to speak) knowing it could put your loved ones in an unfortunate predicament.

I probably can't offer any help as I'm always on a downward spiral myself, but I've been told I'm a good listener. A pleasure to meet you! : - )

 

[OldDrummer]

I was diagnosed with Autism late in life, and I can identify with *every* point you made, especially eye-contact, it's almost physically painfully, but over the years I developed various coping mechanisms.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that you are going through this. I have also been very introverted my whole life and struggled to communicate with others. I simply cannot do eye contact, it has always been unbearable for me. I do personally prefer to be alone than be around others. I know that it can be hard to carry on when you are tired of everything. I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do.

 

[OldDrummer]

Tell me that you don't feel like an alien beamed down on this planet with no idea of how to behave or interact.

 

[NorseHel]

I'm sorry to hear anxiety has such a strong grip on your life. I struggle with social anxiety myself, though admittedly to a lesser extent. All I can say is it's stopped bothering me as much in recent years (I'm 25 now), and in some ways it's improved. My self esteem has improved as well. I still have no idea how to interact with strangers, don't get me wrong. But I've made some meaningful connections, mostly online, and I've learned to accept that I'll never be a social creature, but that's okay.

I can't promise things will turn out the same way for you, but maybe it's something to think about.

 

[Journeytoletgo]

I relate. I am not social and I dread it. Most of this has to do with my past of being bullied and ostracized for my skin condition causing me to isolate. I have no social existence although I had some opportunities that I ruined. I can't connect socially i suck

 

[lostmylove]

Hi im new here and i wanted to make a venting post about my situation in general.
First off, i have severe Social Anxiety and i'm extremely "Introverted".
Currently i don't have any IRL friends, i just talk to my online friends via texting on discord but its not too serious, just something i like doing for fun.
I was always the quiet girl in class and all the friends i had were just temporary depending on the class, i never really talked to them due to my shyness, and obiously those friendships faded away by now:(
When i talk to people, even my dad, i can't keep eye contact and its just so painful to think about how i look to them.
Recently i been going for walks around my neighborhood, park.. sometimes its relaxing.. but i can't stop thinking about how other people see me, or what they think.. i know this is like something people always tell u to don't think and don't mind but it's super complicated for me.
Everytime i see guys/girls my age i cant help but compare myself and get sad over how i can't seem to make friends. (also i get really shy and awkward around people my age).
About dating and relationships.. i always been told im cute and i like to remember that, but the past years i've tried to talk people that i like and they seem to like me i just end up always backing out and ghosting them, and i hate this about me..
Something i really like is Fashion and making/buying clothes, i have always been into it, when i dress up and look in the mirror.. im like it looks super cute, but when im walking out its another story, its not like im not comfortable in them but i start to think they suck and i did a bad job. I think lowly of me in all aspects :( and i can't seem to fix this.

Those are some of troubles that i've had for the most of my life.
Nowadays i just sit on the computer thinking about the quick way out, im just getting tired of all this, that i don't think i will ever fix.. im not happy and i can't keep pretending i am happy.

The main reason that is holding me back are my parents, my parents have always been so good to me, and understanding of everything i do, i love them with all my heart.
My dad recently had a heart attack in 2020 and he survived but recently he's not been feeling too good.
I'm an only child so that would mean my mom would probably be alone soon :( and i hate to have that thought.

I'm lonely, and i don't seem to work in the world, i cannot hold a simple conversation or be a normal girl that socializes with other people her age. And i will never fix it i am too scared of everything that involves it:(

This will be my freshman year in college and honestly i don't know if im going to even reach that date, im just coming into a conclusion now, im very sad, and thoughts can't leave me alone lately:(

I have never taken any meds or went to therapy for kind of the same reasons i'm sorry.

If anyone reading this has similar feelings and would like to share help, talk etc. i would appreciate it a lot, thank you<3

I went about 8 years without any irl friends around 14-22. I've had one serious relationship though but it was based off online.

In my opinion you shouldn't think that people look at you too much, most people too selfish and fixated on their own lives to worry.

Building up confidence in yourself and social skills is a process that takes time it's not inherently built into people and it needs to be trained so I wouldn't worry too much about having a baseline that's not the best socially.

A good way to try make friends is to maybe join some clubs at college that are around likeminded people who have similar interests and take it from there.

Don't put pressure on yourself to have to make friends, it's much better to try let it form naturally rather than trying to force it, that is true also with dating. Artificial things such as tinder and stuff can be not beneficial to anyone.

It maybe difficult for you now but you've still got plenty of time to turn it around and I'd urge you to reconsider researching suicide right now .

 

[hellispink]

I understand this so much. It is also me. I am so hurt and tired of this anxiety that fills me.