AresCohere
Professional Insomniac
- Apr 10, 2023
- 158
I've now been in uni for a few weeks or so, and it's been hard. I thought maybe leaving my family and being free from them for a bit would help, but just being in an unfamiliar location so far away from everything I've ever known has made my state plummet. Even if I've had brief moments of "joy" it's always stripped away as if I'm simply not allowed to feel anything but pure dispare. One of my roommates is a complete ass who yells and screams slurs all the time. Everything I see is new and terrifies me, even if all the classes I'm taking are just review of highschool stuff.
I'm so far away from my "friends" (or whatever was left of them, my family (even tho I think they are glad in gone, they don't even seem mildly upset), and just… everything. I feel so much more alone now, so much more separated. I spend almost all my time in my tiny room in the dorm, often with my roommate there so I never have privacy (hence why I don't post much anymore).
I did join some "club" to try to get to know people but going to the tri-weekly meeting are a drag. I don't think I'll CTB soon as I haven't fallen as far down as h was a few months ago, but the thoughts are there.
I also thought maybe going half a continent away would make the ghosts stop following me but that's simply not true. I still see the walls staring back with their black eyes, or sometimes just the distorted afterimages. I still get "calls" back to that god damn hospital. I don't know why I keep seeing things other don't, I think others are just blind. No wonder why my mind torments me. No wonder…
I'm so far away from my "friends" (or whatever was left of them, my family (even tho I think they are glad in gone, they don't even seem mildly upset), and just… everything. I feel so much more alone now, so much more separated. I spend almost all my time in my tiny room in the dorm, often with my roommate there so I never have privacy (hence why I don't post much anymore).
I did join some "club" to try to get to know people but going to the tri-weekly meeting are a drag. I don't think I'll CTB soon as I haven't fallen as far down as h was a few months ago, but the thoughts are there.
I also thought maybe going half a continent away would make the ghosts stop following me but that's simply not true. I still see the walls staring back with their black eyes, or sometimes just the distorted afterimages. I still get "calls" back to that god damn hospital. I don't know why I keep seeing things other don't, I think others are just blind. No wonder why my mind torments me. No wonder…
