A Theory of Hate and Acts of Hate

[GoodPersonEffed]

I researched hate because I recognized that, whether I want to or not, I feel it and I have it toward certain people and groups, sometimes mixed in with compassion, empathy, understanding, and forgiveness. I found this quote and it really resonated with me. I wonder how others respond to it.


"Acts of hate are attempts to distract oneself from feelings such as helplessness, powerlessness, injustice, inadequacy, and shame. Hate is grounded in some sense of perceived threat. It is an attitude that can give rise to hostility and aggression toward individuals or groups. Like much of anger, it is a reaction to and distraction from some form of inner pain. The individual consumed by hate may believe that the only way to gain some sense of power over his or her pain is to preemptively strike out at others. In this context, each moment of hate is a temporary reprieve from inner suffering."

- Bernard Golden

 

[Stavrogin]

Those who know not how to hate, also know not how to love - they are impotent.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Those who know not how to hate, also know not how to love - they are impotent.

I'm curious, how do you know that? Is it something you feel? Something you've heard?

I've often heard that love and hate are two sides of the same coin, but as I read the quote I shared, I'm not so certain they're necessarily related or have the same roots, such as what processes cause them and what chemicals are released.

 

[TAW122]

This is an interesting take on the emotion and state of "hate". My interpretation is slightly different though. It is a certain characteristic, action, behavior, or representation of said target (individual or group) that offends and disgusts the person. Yes, the person who 'hates' said target could also perceive said target as a threat.

 

[Stavrogin]

I'm curious, how do you know that? Is it something you feel? Something you've heard?

I've often heard that love and hate are two sides of the same coin, but as I read the quote I shared, I'm not so certain they're necessarily related or have the same roots, such as what processes cause them and what chemicals are released.

I'm a very ignorant individual, so I should probably add 'perhaps' to the end of every statement or truth claim I make. But as I see it, whether dimly or not, one hates that which threatens or harms what one loves. The harm, or possibility of harm, being inflicted upon the beloved provokes a righteous anger if you like; similar to how some have said, and do say, God is Love and yet it is said that he still hates with a righteous hatred. If there is to be such a thing as True Love then it walks hand in hand with Hate.

Perhaps.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

This is an interesting take on the emotion and state of "hate". My interpretation is slightly different though. It is a certain characteristic, action, behavior, or representation of said target (individual or group) that offends and disgusts the person. Yes, the person who 'hates' said target could also perceive said target as a threat.

Thanks. I think it's interesting, too.

Now that I've read your perspective, I'm curious. The offense and disgust are not experienced by all but only some of who witness or experience the characteristic, action, behavior, or representation of one's target of hate. Therefore, from your lived experience, has the hate you've felt always, sometimes or never been rooted in helplessness, powerlessness, injustice, inadequacy, shame, or something similar?

Your use of offense and disgust resonated with me. I recently posted about feeling disgust and offense over the actions of certain leaders who claim but do not exemplify virtues and values that I love because I deeply value (and, @Stavrogin, I am protective of). When I posted this thread, I recognized that I feel some hate toward them, mixed with empathy and forgiveness and feelings of altruism toward them. Looking at the list, I can see how my feelings of hatred and disgust (I called their actions profane) stem from senses of injustice and powerlessness/impotence.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Hatred is a real a visceral thing. It's not good, but it is real and honest. You don't hate with your hand or your mind, you hate with your heart. It's not worthy of admiration but it is worthy of respect.
We all hate and to deal with it in a healthy way, I believe we should be able to see this, accept it and deal with it realistically and honestly, even as it shames us.
To feel it truly without revelling in it; to not deny it, but neither to glorify it. To understand that you can hate and love at the same time; that hatred is not mutually exclusive with compassion.
Hatred is just a feeling.
Feelings are complex interactions of the brain and endocrine system based on experience and memory. This indistinction between physical, mental and emotional is often called the heart, el corazon, because it is too weird to define properly, it just is.
So you can feel all sorts of conflicting things at the same time, and if you seek to rationalize those conflicts, you will usually fail, because feelings don't work like that.
That often leads to feelings of guilt and I think that is normal.
Those who do not hate at some time of their lives are either saints or fools.

But... hatred is destructive and never leads to any positive resolution from a practical viewpoint. If you can accept and understand it, it's best to find a way to either let it go or express it honestly.
Then let it go.
Otherwise it invariably turns inward.

NB. I reply because I feel hatred and anger, indeed, it has powered my survival. And that shames me, but I accept it as necessary. However, now I feel it is time to try and let go, to understand and to accept and see beyond. Because hate is not me, just something that I feel.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I would add to the description I quoted that hatred brings a sense of empowerment. Therefore it would follow that if one feels threatened, they feel vulnerable, and hate brings power to offset vulnerability or awareness of it.

 

[dieornottodie]

I researched hate because I recognized that, whether I want to or not, I feel it and I have it toward certain people and groups, sometimes mixed in with compassion, empathy, understanding, and forgiveness. I found this quote and it really resonated with me. I wonder how others respond to it.


"Acts of hate are attempts to distract oneself from feelings such as helplessness, powerlessness, injustice, inadequacy, and shame. Hate is grounded in some sense of perceived threat. It is an attitude that can give rise to hostility and aggression toward individuals or groups. Like much of anger, it is a reaction to and distraction from some form of inner pain. The individual consumed by hate may believe that the only way to gain some sense of power over his or her pain is to preemptively strike out at others. In this context, each moment of hate is a temporary reprieve from inner suffering."

- Bernard Golden

i dont think it is a distraction, i mean distraction is relative, for instance being glad might be a distraction from being sad,
i think hatred is part of the human experience,
i have a strange experience with it
there is another realm. a realm of darkness, hatred is part of it, it fuels the self with loads of energy capable of pushing oneself into reaching their objective

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

i dont think it is a distraction, i mean distraction is relative, for instance being glad might be a distraction from being sad,
i think hatred is part of the human experience,
i have a strange experience with it
there is another realm. a realm of darkness, hatred is part of it, it fuels the self with loads of energy capable of pushing oneself into reaching their objective

You may be interested in the theoretical Laws of Emotion, which posits that all emotions spur one to next actions. It also covers why we don't remain satisfied unless we consciously work to do so. It also addresses primary and secondary emotions.

The original paper was published in 1984 I think and is available in a free PDF, it's not necessary to purchase the book. It's quite well laid out and describes how we're not as rational as we want to be not have as much free will as we like to think.

 

[dieornottodie]

we're not as rational as we want to be not have as much free will as we like to think.

i love ur quote
thank you for the reply

 

[Pryras]

I researched hate because I recognized that, whether I want to or not, I feel it and I have it toward certain people and groups, sometimes mixed in with compassion, empathy, understanding, and forgiveness. I found this quote and it really resonated with me. I wonder how others respond to it.


"Acts of hate are attempts to distract oneself from feelings such as helplessness, powerlessness, injustice, inadequacy, and shame. Hate is grounded in some sense of perceived threat. It is an attitude that can give rise to hostility and aggression toward individuals or groups. Like much of anger, it is a reaction to and distraction from some form of inner pain. The individual consumed by hate may believe that the only way to gain some sense of power over his or her pain is to preemptively strike out at others. In this context, each moment of hate is a temporary reprieve from inner suffering."

- Bernard Golden

I resonated with that quote. My hatred stemmed from mainly helplessness. I didn't want to feel so small so holding on to the absolute disdain towards someone gave me a semblance of power over them.

I'm an emotionally fueled human being so it's impossible to avoid strong emotions, like hatred when it comes out. It's exhausting to have, but I'm not lying to myself that I wish any of these particular men love in my heart. Compassion maybe, because someone who lacks basic decency definitely needs some help mentally. Only someone so unstable and dysfunctional could cause that level of damage to someone else.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I researched hate because I recognized that, whether I want to or not, I feel it and I have it toward certain people and groups, sometimes mixed in with compassion, empathy, understanding, and forgiveness. I found this quote and it really resonated with me. I wonder how others respond to it.


"Acts of hate are attempts to distract oneself from feelings such as helplessness, powerlessness, injustice, inadequacy, and shame. Hate is grounded in some sense of perceived threat. It is an attitude that can give rise to hostility and aggression toward individuals or groups. Like much of anger, it is a reaction to and distraction from some form of inner pain. The individual consumed by hate may believe that the only way to gain some sense of power over his or her pain is to preemptively strike out at others. In this context, each moment of hate is a temporary reprieve from inner suffering."

- Bernard Golden

Interesting quote, though I feel it could be used to justify a lot of the hate in this world. That said, it definitely rings true for me though.

Warning: incomprehensible rant/ramble:

I've become the exact hateful caricature that the people around me in California despise. By modern definitions I'm a racist, fascist, homophobe, every kind of phobic and bigot you can imagine but I really wasn't always this way. I genuinely used to feel so much empathy for my fellow humans until something scarred me and I was told to just accept it because the people who hurt me might be lower class than me. I thought it was a universally accepted thing that even when people are acting hateful, that we should still try to be nice to them lest we become them. To me it seems like that doesn't matter anymore. Everything gets trounced by identity politics and accusations of systemic injustice and it's all become just a big game of who can be more of a victim to cry for. To me, this media obsession with hunting down and shaming hateful people is only encouraging people like me to double down on their views because so many so-called "woke people" come off as extremely disingenuous like they're just trying to inflate their own egos by going after who they perceive to be obvious bad guys.

For example, when I was in elementary school I was bullied and called gay even though I wasn't. Fast forward to college and the same people who called me gay now blast LGBT pride on Facebook and have become full on SJWs. They've always been bullies but now they just changed who they decide to bully. I know people can change but people like these really come across as fake to me like they want to make the world a better place but without actually trying. Like I get that bad people are bad but the way things are happening right now isn't going to change them for the better. It's making things worse. SJWs feel hate too but they don't want to admit that they'd rather see all their enemies dead like any other hateful group. At least racists are honest about wanting the people they hate to die but sjws have to skirt around the edge of just saying that because it goes against their beliefs even though they really want it. People who didn't consider themselves racist before now openly embrace racism because they were called out on microaggressions or honest mistakes or whatever and decided that if they're the future of society is going to be like that, then might as well let them think what they want. That's how I see it too.

Who knows though? Maybe I'm just evil and always have been. What was once empathy for everyone turned into only empathy for people just as evil as me. I hate myself for this. I hate myself for being like this but I also hate people who treat racists like this. I'm just a miserable rotten person who needs to be killed. I bet anyone who disagrees wishes I'd die and that the people like me would also kill themselves but I doubt they'd admit it.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

@Dr Iron Arc, I found your rant comprehensible and courageous. The comment about "woke" folk and social justice warriors being old bullies with new targets really rang true. Reminds me of the Greek chorus and villagers with torches and pitchforks.

I think of Karl Popper's warning that we should be tolerant, but to not tolerate intolerance, otherwise tolerance ceases to exist. I also think about how Americans have for so long been the United States of the Offended, and it's reaching such a pitch, yet it's so easy to point a finger and say "J'accuse!" and be an offensive fucker oneself, utterly blind to their own offensiveness in other ways, perhaps being verbally abusive, even physically abusive. It's dangerous when one feels so utterly right. I recognize that in myself, that it becomes dangerously myopic or myopically dangerous when I feel so self-righteously right, when I hate the person rather than the behavior, when I want to knock them down rather than to seek dialogue, understanding, and mutual healing, or at least some form of beneficial change. We Americans are so impatient, we want to be heard and we want it changed NOW, when in fact it can take a while for a message to sink in and get through, and then the person may be willing to change or be open to dialogue; no one likes being forced, and the focus turns to the force rather than the beneficial desire for change that motivated it.

It is human to hate. Acting out in hate, not so good. And that was one of my points in the OP, that I feel a mixture of things, not just pure hate, but lots of other non-toxic things at the same time. You seem to feel a conflicting mixture of things as well, unless I misinterpret. It's what gets fed that often wins, but perhaps wins only temporarily, because repressing and ignoring something can lead to it growing to such unwieldy proportions that when one least expects it, it no longer sits in the back seat and offers directions, it climbs over into the front seat and takes over the steering wheel and the gas pedal. If hate is there, it's there for a reason, and those reasons need attention. In that way, hate, like anger, can be a helpful guide and even positive motivator. The other feelings, like compassion and empathy for example, temper it and keep it from being a destructive force, destructive of others and of the self, in regrettable ways that cannot easily be undone or healed once unleashed, and sometimes not at all.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Thanks for your reply. It's the type of thing I've never seen get uttered before yet never knew I always wanted to see. You're right to assume I'm very conflicted too. I can only hope that eventually people start to at least get over the simple hurdle that empathizing with someone hateful and trying to understand them doesn't mean agreeing with them because otherwise the empathizers who do that are gonna become those people. At least, that's what I think happened to me...