a terrifying thought

[aneurysm]

I have been wanting to CBT for years now, and despite managing to get all the necessary material, I have never been able to get myself to actually do it.

I just tried to partial-hang myself and wasn't able to get through it. Despite the fact that the time is ideal and it'll be hard in the future to find such a good anchor.

I once had an easy method, but I no longer do. Every time I have an opportunity, I fuck things up.

And the thought of full suspension hanging feels distant in the future. Just like my dreams before I realize they were never going to happen.

I was reading a thread on Fate, and most of you seem to believe in fate. What if the fate of some of us is to fail at killing ourselves despite desperately wanting to. WHAT IF SUICIDE IS AN ILLUSION and the idea that we have control over when we die is actually a lie, just like all the lies we told ourselves years ago about our dreams ever coming true. What if for some of us, suicide is just another dream that is doomed to fail and we are actually destined to live our live tolerating suffering.

Yes, suicide is technically within reach of everyone. So is success. So is happiness. Technically, nothing stops anyone from anything. But that's only theory. Technically, most problems are extremely easy to solve. But only in theory. What if the idea that I can kill my self if I want is only an illusion?

Most of us want a painless method because we believe it'll be easier to die. What if it's an illusion? I had an easy way out, but it made me too comfortable to actually kill myself. Difficult methods such as hanging are too uncomfortable. But they have one thing in common, they both prevent suicide.

This is terrible. I just realized that I am destined to suffering. This is truly terrifying.

 

[The end !]

Trying to escape suffering strengthens it . Thus , the very idea of eternal suffering should alleviate it since it suggests no way out

 

[WornOutLife]

I think there are less painful methods than others but I understand what you mean.
For instance, the best method for me is SN. However, would I be really able to drink it if I had it in front of me? Who knows...

CTB is way too hard.

 

[Makko]

Suicide is a temporary solution to a permanent problem.

 

[signifying nothing]

What if it's not fate or some unknown force/entity that's in control - what if it's other people that are in control of what you do and whether you can ctb? To me that is the more terrifying possibility.

 

[aneurysm]

What if it's not fate or some unknown force/entity that's in control - what if it's other people that are in control of what you do and whether you can ctb? To me that is the more terrifying possibility.

To be honest, by "fate", I mostly refer to people. It's a fact. There are people in this life who feed on others suffering for survival. These people are simply more powerful.
I feel like there are many species of humans, despite our apparent simil. Some species of humans are more canibalistics than others and feed more on others. I know this is an extremely weird conception of things but here we are.

Also, I feel like family and people around us always subconsciously know what is on our mind and if someone actually manage to kill himself, it means the people around him allowed it somehow.

 

[EmbraceOfTheVoid]

To be honest, by "fate", I mostly refer to people. It's a fact. There are people in this life who feed on others suffering for survival. These people are simply more powerful.
I feel like there are many species of humans, despite our apparent simil. Some species of humans are more canibalistics than others and feed more on others. I know this is an extremely weird conception of things but here we are.

I felt this quote from a old anti-natalist thread on here was appropriately related to your comment about people who trample over others get farther in life. Read at your own discretion.

for countless of hundreds of millions of years (maybe even more than that). With humans or without humans. With capitalism or without capitalism. Why? One of the laws of thermodynamics some people don´t know exist but maybe is one (if not **the**) most powerful in our universe is **entropy**. What is it? Well, it basically consists of the fact that it is easier to break something than fix something. It´s easier to create and spread a plague than cure it. It´s easier to write a corrupt law for your own benefits than to create a good one with no loopholes. It´s easier to take a good life than a evil life. You see this in action in our universe constantly because shit breaks contantly, but nothing **ever** miraculously improves. Have you ever noticed that?



This, collaborating with the existence of natural selection and game theory, has given birth to a psychopathic (evil) and psychotic (delusional, strongly prone to optimism bias, wishful thinking, false beliefs, etc) species. We enslave those weaker than thus, both [animals](https://youtu.be/LQRAfJyEsko?t=3315) and humans, the majority of which are forced to work shitty labor jobs, with a childhood involving neglect, trauma, ostracism, bullying, and a generally poor quality of life. This is the 'pulse' of our species, we abuse our children, teenagers and the weak and traumatize them to have the same evil, systematic nature we have. Note: this is **not** exclusive to humans; you can see this sort of behavior in lions, tigers, and other great predators that exhibit this kind of evil behavior, even if irrationally. And the worse is that I believe if another animal species raised to sentience and became "advanced", they would be the same as us.

Let us say, just imagine if having actual concern for humanity or life is even possible with the idea of extreme success as a CEO or high-ranking corporate figure. It's just complete fantasy. The degree to which this is a fantasy, is like someone saying "An antelope could be just as successful being a carnivore as a Lion can." You simply don't arrive at the positions in those places without being 'carnivorous' towards human beings. Because if you were, you would suffer from the same thing that natural selection punishes a Lion that sucks at killing things would suffer from-- you'd just starve and die, because this is a [**competition**](https://youtu.be/95c5GTp__AU). A kind, benevolent, caring, concerned, charitable CEO would just get eaten alive. The laws of biology(which, **reminder**: Human beings are subject to) and the laws of physics, **prevent** good people from becoming CEO's or high ranking corporate figures. It's simply the way the universe works.

Evil **always** works its way to the top in **any** system given enough time-- there's no other way for it not to, in a competition game which says, "The *sneakiest*, most *dominant*, selfish person climbs, while the most *honest*, most *humble* and *selfless* person gets climbed on."

Entropy constantly empowers that which is empowered by virtue of being the perfect distillation of evil, like the Lion, like the predator, like the apex psychopath who is, has always, and will always sit on the throne of all sentient systems in this block of spacetime moving towards greater entropy. Evil thrives once it achieves power because the powerless must work against entropy, where evil only plows forward exhibiting its nature effortlessly. Good must go *against* nature to be good. Evil does not need to do anything special to go *with* nature.


I know this is gonna be a long read, but it is needed to explain the hellish conditions we are in this universe. The problem is **not** capitalism, the problem is **not** humanity itself, the problem will **never** be what the majority of people tell you the true cause of all problems and all the suffering in this world the is nature and the laws of the universe we exist in. It uproots evil and gives it a way to conquer good and use it for its advantage. **This** is the reality that Disney and most media tries to obfuscate to you with systematically spread happy ending stories, even politics and other distractions are there to obfuscate the hellworld that we live in. People have always been trying to find a problem, when the problem is simple: we are in *Hell.*

Almost no one holds this reality up for examination daily. We are allergic. Most of us have near-zero understanding of the gravity, and those who have glimmers, ignore this fact about the quality of our reality because it's not conducive to living another day. Why must we live another day? Because genes which give rise to culture, all of which is determined by game theory which more or less says, "Psychopathy wins and holds dominion over this game". Natural selection is a game where evil wins, not good. Good is kept around for the purpose of evil wearing it's skin like a mask. Good is not adaptive, in the precise way that the cow in cow hell has no adaptive trait. It's alive. It will bear children. Those children will bear children. But nothing "adaptive" is going on. How? The fact of the matter is, a psychopathic species has kept the herbivore alive for its own gain. This is the precise relationship that evil has to goodness. Goodness is kept alive. Buddhism is kept alive. Any genuine benevolent religious idea, is kept alive. All because evil, which is powerfully [camouflaged](https://i.imgur.com/ri1sTPL.gifv),dominates reality and presses onto it in a way which goodness can never overcome.

There´s *even more* material that I could just keep elaborating on, but the true information is that this life is some kind of evil dystopian hell with no winning moves, because almost all of them empower evil. The worse is that we are delusional evil apes that evolved with brains to blind us to the true, *crushing* gravity of the situation we found ourselves into in this spherical concentration camp. If we were to take our delusional apes glasses off and truly take enough time to analyze our circumstances here on Earth, we would just yell **HOLY FUCKING SHIT** and jump off a window. If everyone was truly aware of *how* bad things are, suicide rates would skyrocket worldwide. Everyone would be killing each other, and everyone would be killing themselves. It would be a suicide epidemic of *biblical* proportions. And everyone would be doing it, not just the poor people, but the CEO´S and other powerful "kings" of Earth, because even **they** would be horrified with the revelation.

TL;DR: Life´s even worse than you think and we are in Hell.

 

[lost_soul83]

My sentiments exactly! We are IN HELL! So prepare yourselves for the shit storm of a lifetime!

 

[MindFrog]

Also, I feel like family and people around us always subconsciously know what is on our mind and if someone actually manage to kill himself, it means the people around him allowed it somehow.

It's scary but somehow It makes sense.

 

[rosedavinci]

I have been wanting to CBT for years now, and despite managing to get all the necessary material, I have never been able to get myself to actually do it.

I just tried to partial-hang myself and wasn't able to get through it. Despite the fact that the time is ideal and it'll be hard in the future to find such a good anchor.

I once had an easy method, but I no longer do. Every time I have an opportunity, I fuck things up.

And the thought of full suspension hanging feels distant in the future. Just like my dreams before I realize they were never going to happen.

I was reading a thread on Fate, and most of you seem to believe in fate. What if the fate of some of us is to fail at killing ourselves despite desperately wanting to. WHAT IF SUICIDE IS AN ILLUSION and the idea that we have control over when we die is actually a lie, just like all the lies we told ourselves years ago about our dreams ever coming true. What if for some of us, suicide is just another dream that is doomed to fail and we are actually destined to live our live tolerating suffering.

Yes, suicide is technically within reach of everyone. So is success. So is happiness. Technically, nothing stops anyone from anything. But that's only theory. Technically, most problems are extremely easy to solve. But only in theory. What if the idea that I can kill my self if I want is only an illusion?

Most of us want a painless method because we believe it'll be easier to die. What if it's an illusion? I had an easy way out, but it made me too comfortable to actually kill myself. Difficult methods such as hanging are too uncomfortable. But they have one thing in common, they both prevent suicide.

This is terrible. I just realized that I am destined to suffering. This is truly terrifying.

If you don't mind me asking, what is your painless easy method?

 

[Ghost2211]

Working within the framework of the concept of fate that is completely possible. I think the thought of being destined to be trapped in our suffering with zero possibility of relief or exiting it before it has finished running its course is unsettling for most people.