I woke up on Monday with a rather debilitating migraine. This was a bit unusual as they usually occur later in the day for me. I take two different medications for my migraines - one every morning to help prevent them in the first place, and another to take immediately if I feel them start to come on. Well, I couldn't find that second medication, which is really what I needed at that point. I went rummaging through just about every cabinet in our home with a pill bottle. (Between my husband, my mother, and me, there are a lot of pill bottles all over the house!) Anyway, in the midst of my search, I found something I totally did not expect...
Metoclopramide.
My husband was very sick back in the summer and was out for a week with severe nausea and vomiting. Turns out it was a couple of kidney stones that he eventually passed. Still, at some point in the process, he was prescribed metoclopramide to help deal with the nausea. There were 15 pills still in the bottle, so it doesn't look like he used very much of the original prescription.
The irony was that I was convinced that there was no way I could actually attain metoclopramide and had resigned myself to going through the SN regimen without using an antiemetic. I knew this presented a bit of a risk, but I also knew it wasn't necessary. I just regretted not having that extra insurance available. And then, out of nowhere, it just appears. I likely would never have discovered it if I hadn't misplaced my migraine meds in the first place.
I'm taking it as a sign that the time is near. Things are falling into place. My relationship with my husband has fallen apart to the point where I believe he's just waiting for me to off myself. My mother is back in the country visiting for Thanksgiving and Christmas, so we'll be able to actually see each other before I go (which wasn't going to happen before). I had picked out ten potential CTB dates between September 27 and January 16. Two dates have passed so far. The next one is this coming Monday, which is my birthday, but I don't think I'll do it then. Next Wednesday is the 13th anniversary of my best friend's death. I think it might be nice to go on the same day as him, but I'm a little hesitant about casting a cloud over Thanksgiving weekend for my family this year. It's been a tough year for so many people already. Honestly, I'm leaning towards January 16 for the symoblism that holds and the effect it will have... but I'm just not sure I have it in me to stay that long. Especially now that I have one more piece of the puzzle...
Metoclopramide.
My husband was very sick back in the summer and was out for a week with severe nausea and vomiting. Turns out it was a couple of kidney stones that he eventually passed. Still, at some point in the process, he was prescribed metoclopramide to help deal with the nausea. There were 15 pills still in the bottle, so it doesn't look like he used very much of the original prescription.
The irony was that I was convinced that there was no way I could actually attain metoclopramide and had resigned myself to going through the SN regimen without using an antiemetic. I knew this presented a bit of a risk, but I also knew it wasn't necessary. I just regretted not having that extra insurance available. And then, out of nowhere, it just appears. I likely would never have discovered it if I hadn't misplaced my migraine meds in the first place.
I'm taking it as a sign that the time is near. Things are falling into place. My relationship with my husband has fallen apart to the point where I believe he's just waiting for me to off myself. My mother is back in the country visiting for Thanksgiving and Christmas, so we'll be able to actually see each other before I go (which wasn't going to happen before). I had picked out ten potential CTB dates between September 27 and January 16. Two dates have passed so far. The next one is this coming Monday, which is my birthday, but I don't think I'll do it then. Next Wednesday is the 13th anniversary of my best friend's death. I think it might be nice to go on the same day as him, but I'm a little hesitant about casting a cloud over Thanksgiving weekend for my family this year. It's been a tough year for so many people already. Honestly, I'm leaning towards January 16 for the symoblism that holds and the effect it will have... but I'm just not sure I have it in me to stay that long. Especially now that I have one more piece of the puzzle...
