A strange form of depression

[NationalistKorean]

Does anyone else have this depression where you have suicidal thoughts and want to die but you aren't or at least don't actually physically or emotionally depressed. I haven't seen anything on it so I guess I can name it. It's now called Phantom Depression. On a serious note it makes me near untreatable since I don't even know what's happening.

 

[Deleted member 19654]

I don't have this myself but I guess it's possible that you don't have to be depressed to be suicidal. It's certainly more common to be suicidal due to depression. In some cases it could just be that people don't realise they are depressed and that they're so good at hiding it, they've managed to fool themselves. Or maybe people aren't always aware of how they truly feel. In other cases it could be because of apathy. I guess it comes down to the reasons why you're suicidal.

 

[NationalistKorean]

Now that I think about it I definitely hide my emotions of sadness immensely. That's likely the reason thanks for making think about that.

 

[Sarahlynn]

I don't think you necessarily have to be depressed to want to CTB, it could be other cases such as physical disease or being in difficult life situations.

Another thing that comes to mind reading your post is that many think depression is all about being sad all the time, but depression can come in many forms.

 

[dieornottodie]

I don't think you have to be depressed to want to CTB

 

[Deleted member 19654]

Now that I think about it I definitely hide my emotions of sadness immensely. That's likely the reason thanks for making think about that.

I don't know if you've already been down this road but if it's recovery that you're looking for and if you're able to find a therapist, it may help you figure out how you're feeling. Maybe find some clarity and self awareness when it comes to your emotions?

 

[NationalistKorean]

Honestly my emotions especially anger sadness etc don't feel like a normal persons. They feel not real kind of like a dream and it's strange

 

[Deleted member 19654]

Honestly my emotions especially anger sadness etc don't feel like a normal persons. They feel not real kind of like a dream and it's strange

Do you just feel kinda numb? It could be something called apathy.

 

[NationalistKorean]

Not really numb but it's more foggy. It's hard to describe

 

[Deleted member 19654]

There is this thing called brain fog. I've experienced it before where I feel so detached from everything and it's like I can't think properly. I feel a little numb and I get frustrated because it's like my brain and emotions aren't working.

 

[madbananas]

Does anyone else have this depression where you have suicidal thoughts and want to die but you aren't or at least don't actually physically or emotionally depressed. I haven't seen anything on it so I guess I can name it. It's now called Phantom Depression. On a serious note it makes me near untreatable since I don't even know what's happening.

I always want to die and have suicidal thoughts, when I'm depressed and when I'm not. So I reckon I can kind of appreciate what you're talking about. So typically from an outsiders perspective I either am "joking" (but not really joking) about my suicidal thoughts or I'm in critical distress with suicidal thoughts. The desire to be dead is still there but it's definitely more bearable for me when I'm not in distress. But that in itself makes me feel even more trapped because when I'm in distress I'm more likely to end my life (which is what I want). So it's a real strange dilemma.

 

[netrezven]

Well, when i was in that episode, couple of times , many times during the last 2 years, i had no reasons to be depressed, i wasn't on the bed all day and had so much energy. But it was like a f******in poison in my bloodstream, i felt it physically in my body, in my bones, it was pain everyone would be despered to get rid off. And so was i. The part "everybody else would have killed themselvess" in my head actually gave me a good reason to be an exception.

 

[Lost Magic]

I am not depressed at all times but when I am I don't want to exist no more. Sleeping is better.

 

[one.way.out]

I definitely feel this. I think I'm only mildly depressed right now (I've definitely been severely depressed though, that was what "broke me in" for suicidal thoughts), but I still think about suicide every day.