A story for the family

[wellitisnotwhatitis]

Hi everyone, I have been lurking here for around a year and have finally decided to make an account.
Probably, for me and many other people, the hardest part about suicide is imagining consequences and sufferings it will bring upon our family members. I would describe relationship with my family as if we are friends, rather than family, but I do know that they love me, they care about me and they worry about me. We are pretty far apart geographically, so I am not concerned about them finding the body If I ever actually decide to commit suicide, but I am more concerned about their emotional sufferings.
I have bipolar disorder and they are not aware about this, and I am considering writing a goodbye note mentioning the state of my mental health. However, I might add a bit of exaggeration to the note. I dont hear the voices, but that's what I will put down, describing how insufferable and unbearable life became specifically due to this, how I am worried about well being of others being affected by this. The reason to add this thing about voices is to make them feel more comfortable understanding why I have decided to ctb, making them feel less responsible for this life outcome.
But honestly, I feel bad about lying in my goodbye note, I cant really weigh my options.
Would you consider acceptable attempting to add some non-existent "details" to the final note in order to lessen the sufferings of your loved ones?
After all, maybe I am just worried that I will not be able to convey my feelings without this lie, and I should just think through this better, so that I dont have to lie.

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

I would never lie. Why do you need to? Hearing voices isn't more valid than not, because that's what you're implying - you're at the very least implying you're not valid because you don't hear voices. I'm sorry you feel like that, but I'm here to tell you, you are valid. You are important

No one has to lie. It is a choice, however I understand those that lie about how 'good' things are.

How do you know it wouldn't come out? Lies always get found out in the end. Imagine how awful your family would feel. Not only that, but they would wonder what else you lied about, and if you were ever truly mentally ill etc.

Not worth the risk. Don't do it. Give your family the closure they deserve by telling them the truth.

I hope you decide to stick around, but I wish you all the best with whatever you decide. We're here for you x

 

[wellitisnotwhatitis]

I would never lie. Why do you need to? Hearing voices isn't more valid than not, because that's what you're implying - you're at the very least implying you're not valid because you don't hear voices. I'm sorry you feel like that, but I'm here to tell you, you are valid. You are important

No one has to lie. It is a choice, however I understand those that lie about how 'good' things are.

How do you know it wouldn't come out? Lies always get found out in the end. Imagine how awful your family would feel. Not only that, but they would wonder what else you lied about, and if you were ever truly mentally ill etc.

Not worth the risk. Don't do it. Give your family the closure they deserve by telling them the truth.

I hope you decide to stick around, but I wish you all the best with whatever you decide. We're here for you x

Thank you for your opinion.
You are absolutely right about lies always being found out later. Honestly, I pretty much lie to my family even now by never sharing full details of my life, mental illness etc. I don't want to make it even worse, lie even more. If I ever decide to go with ctb, I will not lie about it and give my real thoughts and words to the family. Thank you for helping me see through this delusion

 

[Beyond_Repair]

Hi everyone, I have been lurking here for around a year and have finally decided to make an account.
Probably, for me and many other people, the hardest part about suicide is imagining consequences and sufferings it will bring upon our family members. I would describe relationship with my family as if we are friends, rather than family, but I do know that they love me, they care about me and they worry about me. We are pretty far apart geographically, so I am not concerned about them finding the body If I ever actually decide to commit suicide, but I am more concerned about their emotional sufferings.
I have bipolar disorder and they are not aware about this, and I am considering writing a goodbye note mentioning the state of my mental health. However, I might add a bit of exaggeration to the note. I dont hear the voices, but that's what I will put down, describing how insufferable and unbearable life became specifically due to this, how I am worried about well being of others being affected by this. The reason to add this thing about voices is to make them feel more comfortable understanding why I have decided to ctb, making them feel less responsible for this life outcome.
But honestly, I feel bad about lying in my goodbye note, I cant really weigh my options.
Would you consider acceptable attempting to add some non-existent "details" to the final note in order to lessen the sufferings of your loved ones?
After all, maybe I am just worried that I will not be able to convey my feelings without this lie, and I should just think through this better, so that I dont have to lie.

idk about adding that you're hearing voices - that can be easily treated with the right meds and your family might be upset that if they had known they could have gotten you help for this. But that's just my two cents

In mine I'm saying simply that I've been suffering from unbearable emotional pain for most of my life and have tried numerous treatments but am aware that nothing will help. Which is mostly true

At the end of the day though you know your family and what they might respond to best

 

[wanttodie12345]

I wouldn't exaggerate just because mental illness can run in families. If they think you had one diagnosis when you actually had another, they might make choices about their own mental health treatment should they seek it out. I think the best way to ease their possible feelings of guilt would be to talk to them about it now, give them a chance to try to support you. Maybe it helps. Maybe it doesn't. But it does give them a real opportunity, and notes can still be written to say they did all they could.

 

[wellitisnotwhatitis]

Thank you for your replies, folks. It's much appreciated. You all are right and helped me see it clearer. I won't complicate things and lie.

 

[itwasallascream]

Hi everyone, I have been lurking here for around a year and have finally decided to make an account.
Probably, for me and many other people, the hardest part about suicide is imagining consequences and sufferings it will bring upon our family members. I would describe relationship with my family as if we are friends, rather than family, but I do know that they love me, they care about me and they worry about me. We are pretty far apart geographically, so I am not concerned about them finding the body If I ever actually decide to commit suicide, but I am more concerned about their emotional sufferings.
I have bipolar disorder and they are not aware about this, and I am considering writing a goodbye note mentioning the state of my mental health. However, I might add a bit of exaggeration to the note. I dont hear the voices, but that's what I will put down, describing how insufferable and unbearable life became specifically due to this, how I am worried about well being of others being affected by this. The reason to add this thing about voices is to make them feel more comfortable understanding why I have decided to ctb, making them feel less responsible for this life outcome.
But honestly, I feel bad about lying in my goodbye note, I cant really weigh my options.
Would you consider acceptable attempting to add some non-existent "details" to the final note in order to lessen the sufferings of your loved ones?
After all, maybe I am just worried that I will not be able to convey my feelings without this lie, and I should just think through this better, so that I dont have to lie.

In my letters, I told everyone that if you add up all the pain they will all experience with my death, it still doesn't come close to the pain I've experienced most days of my life. So by leaving, I'm reducing the amount of overall pain in this world and they should feel joy in this and that I am pain free.

 

[Arahant]

I am reminded of Amber O'Hearn, a brilliant scientist and researcher, who fully reversed her suicidal bipolar depression with a ketogenic carnivore diet. That means zero symptoms, as long as she stays consistent with that. There are many interview podcasts with her on youtube.
Many anecdotes like that, and more and more emerging research about how well it works for depression.

Now I can't know how commited you are to CTB, or what is right for you, I just want everyone to have possibilities.

 

[hereornot]

All due respect to you and your condition, and congratulations on your courage. I have a bipolar mother and I know a little about this universe. That's why I want to share my opinion.

Regardless of anything that is written, family members will create their own versions that satisfy what they already think. I say this observing the rest of my family who refuse to accept, for example, that my mother is bipolar. Including my brother.

The experience of being the only one in the family who knew and understood his condition made me see this facet of human behavior. People believe what they want even when the truth is told to them face to face; they prefer to believe what reinforces their convictions, even if they are wrong. So I would say not to worry about it. In the end, everyone only thinks about themselves and believe only what want.

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

Thank you for your opinion.
You are absolutely right about lies always being found out later. Honestly, I pretty much lie to my family even now by never sharing full details of my life, mental illness etc. I don't want to make it even worse, lie even more. If I ever decide to go with ctb, I will not lie about it and give my real thoughts and words to the family. Thank you for helping me see through this delusion

I understand why you do that, but I bet they care more than you realise, and I guarantee you're not a burden like you believe. It's important to reach out in times of need - what will you lose? Nothing. And you could gain everything.

I know how hard it is, believe me, I'm only just learning to reach out now.

It's up to you what you do, but try to be kinder to yourself, you deserve kindness, especially from yourself and that is the most important person in our lives.

These things take time. There isn't a cure, but it is about trying to manage better