Help A Sticky Situation

[popcornheart]

So, I'm not 100% certain I'm on the road to recovery... everything still feels so insurmountable these days. I am still wading through the post-hospitalization depression. However, I can't deny that there is a part of me (however small) that chimes, "there is hope yet, think of all you want to experience" and I suppose I should lean into that a bit.

When I was still relatively manic, and in the hospital, I met a man a couple years younger than me. It's important to note that we were both medicated at the time. We both kinda developed a crush on one another (I know, I know, the mental hospital is generally not going to be the best place to find a partner...like I said, I was still a bit manic). For the last month we've been texting daily, ever since I got released.

Things were generally fine up until recently. I know psychotropic medication brings a lot of undesirable side-effects, and I typically am pretty against it (although my perspective is changing a bit because I likely need to take it to avoid my annual episode). He isn't taking his meds (it's not solely his decision) and lately has expressed a lot of violent thoughts to me. I know his home life isn't very good, so I do empathize...but it really scared me to be completely honest. I'm definitely not equipped to handle this sort of thing.

I'm torn because it is nice to have someone to chat with but if I'm being honest our conversations lack substance. It's mostly just talking about meeting again. I wasn't able to get my medication but I feel relatively level-headed and I'm starting to realize that this really isn't a healthy partnership. There is a part of me that says I won't find another relationship outside of this, but that's not a good reason to stay with someone. It was a bit comforting initially to talk with someone that understood the challenges of mental health, especially the inpatient experience, but now I'm realizing we are not very similar.

I'm scared to tell him that he's scared me. I'm scared to tell him that I think maybe this is not the best situation for us. He doesn't really have anyone besides me (and if I'm being honest, I don't really have anyone else either but, as I mentioned previously, I know that isn't a sufficient reason to maintain contact with someone). He doesn't have my address or anything, but he does know my full name so I guess he could theoretically find it.

I just don't know what to do. I'm sorry if this isn't an appropriate place to post about it. I really do think that continuing to talk to him could hinder any progress I might make with recovery. I'm not sure how to remedy this situation...if anyone has any advice I would greatly appreciate it.

 

[whywere]

Yes, this is a dilemma for sure.

Now please do NOT give me a hard time about my age or life experience and with that said here I go.

The one VERY clear aspect that is most concerning is the violent thought(s). From most situations in my past 68 years here, where there is smoke there is fire. I would tread VERY carefully to say the least. He has given you a snapshot of what could transpire.

I would try some more, NEVER meeting the person, just over the net or phone for now and keep gleaning info and feelings of what might be.

I have no family nor friends, so having someone is great, but use one's head and not heart, at least for the time being, and get a better picture of everything.

Another words, go slow, go sure, listen to your head and heart and do not jump to conclusions either way.

Now in the future if it seems that the violent aspect is really prominent, then is when I would choose, but get more input for now, just do NOT meet him yet.

Stay safe and lots of hugs, and the knowledge that you are family here to me.

Walter