Venting A soulmate won't necessarily help you fix anything in your life.

[qw3rty259]

You know, there is a notion that a partner who really understands you and all might help you to feel better. While it might work for someone it also might not work at all for someone else... I learn it from a first hand experience.

By pure luck, found a smart, good looking person who was willing to do anything for me (or almost). We had similar interests and all, they would treat me respectfully, be reciprocal, we could talk all day and stuff. In short, I didn't believe it was possible at first, they gave me everything i withed for. But after it just feels like "that's done, cool. now what?". It's almost like I've been deceived either by my biology or this notion that i created for myself (at least it gave me hope for some time that I might life okay life). Nothing really matters at all at the end. I get bored of everything.

But some time ago it worked, I guess the other person was exceptional and that something has been broken in me since that time.

Also, If you're a loser and have unsolvable issues, you'll soon start to feel like you are restricting the person from a better life they could have lived with somebody else, even if they say that they are okay with who you are.

 

[DefinitelyReady]

A lot of people feel that if they had someone (love) then their problems would be tolerable or evaporate, or life would be worth living, but would it??? For how long? Is someone supposes to save you? Is that fair? I never respond to all these people hopelessly wanting love because it'll give meaning to their life, but since you brought it up... I just don't think love can save you, or should have to. I dont think you should invest in someone if you're not investing in yourself first, and in the first place. As in doing it for yourself, and not for them. You are the only constant in your life. They could always go away somehow and you'd be left with yourself again.

Just a common, sad, somewhat annoying theme I see of people thinking that finding love in someone will change their lives and give it meaning without giving it any real thought as to why...

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I'm not under the delusion that having an optimal romantic partner will help solve all my issues. I'm under the delusion that having an optimal romantic partner will help me care enough to even want to solve my problems. It's still a delusion but very different, maybe. Perhaps this is my own biology speaking and it's simply a matter of the hedonic treadmill.

Once these physical and emotional needs are met my body will probably find something else to whine about but that's the thing is that without these needs being met it's impossible for me to even attempt to care about improving my life in other ways.

 

[derpyderpins]

No such thing as a soulmate, and no matter what you do she can break it off any time. It's great having someone partnering up with you for life but I'm losing faith that such a thing is real.

 

[leavingthesoultrap]

They may not fix anything but they sure make bearing the problems easier

 

[vitbar]

I've thought a lot about this because the lonliness is a huge cause of my depression. I used to believe I had to work on myself before trying to get into new relationships (romance or not). I had to love myself first or w/e. Now I think this was just another excuse for staying in my comfort zone/continuing to isolate myself from people.

Still there is some truth to it, but I think I can work towards loving myself and not isolating myself as much at the same time. In fact getting out more and testing my negative thoughts is one of the techniques my therapist taught me to get over those thoughts.

 

[DefinitelyReady]

They may not fix anything but they sure make bearing the problems easier

Assuming they can handle your problems :/ and don't create new problems for you.

I'm not under the delusion that having an optimal romantic partner will help solve all my issues. I'm under the delusion that having an optimal romantic partner will help me care enough to even want to solve my problems. It's still a delusion but very different, maybe. Perhaps this is my own biology speaking and it's simply a matter of the hedonic treadmill.

Once these physical and emotional needs are met my body will probably find something else to whine about but that's the thing is that without these needs being met it's impossible for me to even attempt to care about improving my life in other ways.

"Oh I'm not under that delusion... I prefer this delusion..." I get it. I fell for that delusion before too

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I would say it depends on the problems that are causing MH issues / suicidal ideation. A soul mate or best friend may not be able to help / solve personal problems even though they might be understanding and supportive.

 

[DeIetedUser4739]

My problems can't be fixed by anyone.

 

[DefinitelyReady]

My problems can't be fixed by anyone.

Touche.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

"Oh I'm not under that delusion... I prefer this delusion..." I get it. I fell for that delusion before too

The way I see it, living life requires a series of delusions to even make sense of it all anyway. Many of us start out being deluded into thinking our parents have all the answers or that the world is fair and just for example. As time goes on, the only way to cope is to keep coming up with more and more ridiculous ideas just to make life worth living. "The government has our best interests in mind." "Love can conquer all problems" etc. It even works in the opposite direction. Some people come up with "all people are evil except for me and my friends" "existence is the ultimate evil" "the earth is flat". And so on and so forth.

In my case, for my delusion, I plan to make it work out of spite. Why should I even bother putting in all the effort if fate doesn't even plan to give me what my biological impulses have programmed me to need? I'm fully aware I have at least somewhat of a capacity to actually start turning my life around. All I need is to throw out all my self hatred. Sounds easy but in the past it only ever goes away when I'm focused on someone else instead. Maybe once I have that someone else it'll start to come back but I'd like to think that at least if I had someone I truly cared about who cared about me back then I would stop with the bullshit and prioritize caring about myself for their sake.

 

[DefinitelyReady]

The way I see it, living life requires a series of delusions to even make sense of it all anyway. Many of us start out being deluded into thinking our parents have all the answers or that the world is fair and just for example. As time goes on, the only way to cope is to keep coming up with more and more ridiculous ideas just to make life worth living. "The government has our best interests in mind." "Love can conquer all problems" etc. It even works in the opposite direction. Some people come up with "all people are evil except for me and my friends" "existence is the ultimate evil" "the earth is flat". And so on and so forth.

In my case, for my delusion, I plan to make it work out of spite. Why should I even bother putting in all the effort if fate doesn't even plan to give me what my biological impulses have programmed me to need? I'm fully aware I have at least somewhat of a capacity to actually start turning my life around. All I need is to throw out all my self hatred. Sounds easy but in the past it only ever goes away when I'm focused on someone else instead. Maybe once I have that someone else it'll start to come back but I'd like to think that at least if I had someone I truly cared about who cared about me back then I would stop with the bullshit and prioritize caring about myself for their sake.

Yeah, it's different stages of depression is what it amounts to. I held onto the delusion of hope for the longest time. It just sucks when you truly run out of delusions and don't have an easily accessible gun in a drawer waiting in my case.

Partners can bring out the better in each other, especially men lol. So your odds are better just in that regard. It can be a motivator. I'm just too proud to say that that would be the motivator that started the change; plus it's not in the realm of possibility for me anyway even if I weren't so proud. If it's doable, however you can do it, as long as it's not immoral I say do it.

 

[leavingthesoultrap]

Assuming they can handle your problems :/ and don't create new problems for you.

"Oh I'm not under that delusion... I prefer this delusion..." I get it. I fell for that delusion before too

Yeah it can go both ways