A preface to all this is that yesterday I found a bullet. It can still be fired from a gun if it was put in one. Today while at work, I herd an EMS call for a suicide attempt person, who had a gunshot wound to their head. I wished that it could of been me. I am not cut out for this world, and I bring toxicity to almost everyone's life I touch. I have been through countless years of therapy, but just as it is my choice to get out of bed in the morning I believe it should be mine to never get out again. I am starting to believe that the EMS call is the universes way of saying it is my time. The only method I have available to me right now are pills of sodium fluoride that I made. If my math is correct I need to ingest about 10 grams for a fatal outcome. I have 100 grams at my disposal. I just wish I could get my family's permission to end my life, and thus end my suffering. The mental anguish of my diagnosis is too much for me to handle, and every moment without the aid of some type of prescribed drug is too much for me to handle.
falloutcarter13
Bury me, bury me...
- Aug 1, 2020
- 671
I know how you feel, bud. When its time, its time, and from everything you said, it sounds like your mind is pretty much made up. Just to clarify, you found a bullet but you don't have a gun? What kind of round is it (totally pointless to ask but I'm curious lol). I know how you feel about family, I've decided I have to go through with it anyway and the best thing I can do is just spend some time with them and then explain the best I can in letters after I'm gone. I read the PPH but I don't remember reading about sodium fluoride...I read about cyanide, azide, and nitrite (I've chosen the nitrite.) I'll have to look again. Are you planning to go soon, or do you not know yet?
Welcome to the site (feels weird to say that since I've only been here a week and its not exactly the *ideal* place to find yourself, but it is a fairly loving and compassionate place with a lot of great people in the same position we are.) When you get PM privileges, feel free to hit me up if you need someone to talk to, hopefully I'll be around a few more weeks. Take care.
Welcome to the site (feels weird to say that since I've only been here a week and its not exactly the *ideal* place to find yourself, but it is a fairly loving and compassionate place with a lot of great people in the same position we are.) When you get PM privileges, feel free to hit me up if you need someone to talk to, hopefully I'll be around a few more weeks. Take care.
Taki
Specialist
- Jul 30, 2019
- 319
There are signals out there all the time, or at least we want to see them. I get about one per hour telling me to go hang myself.
It is a 9mm. I was researching chemicals with low ld50's. NaF has one of the lowest and can be bought easily. Not sure how painful it is, but like life, pain is temporary. I have thought about inject bleach too. But the only thing that is stopping me is failure. I need about 5 methods that can be sequentially executed to ensure results. So it's not that I am not ready, I just need to know the results are guaranteed
