A reason to live/getting better ?

[ScottPilgram]

In some ways I feel like I've gotten better, in other ways I feel worse. I don't use this site as often as I used to. I don't go to the partners thread and look obsessivley at it. I feel like I want to die a lot but I refrain. In this way I feel better, but I feel worse because I may have put my reason not to die into someone. This is not good. Why is this not good you may ask? Because it creates a toxic relationship for yourself and the other person. I am not dead because I do not want to do that to my boyfriend. But what if my boyfriend were to die tomorrow? Putting all of my reason not to die into a person is dangerous because what if he dies, or breaks up with me, or isnt there anymore? Woopsie there goes my reason to live. One of my ex coworkers got a girlfriend before he left and announced he now had "a reason to live". This is not good. I'm sure you see what I'm saying. Without distancing myself emotionally I need to not have a "reason to live" rather, I should just live. There is no "reason to live" searching for a reason is fruitless and stupid. Instead I'm just gonna vibe at the park at like 1am and do whatever I want.
(note: this was going to be my status, I did not want to take up space on the forums. Unfornunatley it is more than (500 characters haha)

 

[the box is empty]

As much as I wish I had a partner again there's this prevalent thought that the relationship would just devolve into a hostage situation. Where suddenly I think the only reason I have and need to live is for my partner. My partner can't be the only thing that makes me happy. That's too much to ask and not fair to anybody. If the relationship falls apart what happens? It feels like a net negative.

 

[Beautiful_Disgrace]

I have long since stopped depending on finding a partner to depend on, and to give me a reason to live. That's just not healthy. However, my son is the only reason why I'm alive right now. And I wonder if that's any different. I feel guilty about it sometimes. But I'm trying to figure it out before he gets old enough to understand how depressed I am.

I wish I could just live for myself. But I've been around long enough to realize I can't do much better than I'm currently doing. I'm trying, but it won't make a difference in the long run. I want to find someone who accepts my weakness one day. But I would never ask them to be the reason why I continue to live.

 

[waterbottleman]

In some ways I feel like I've gotten better, in other ways I feel worse. I don't use this site as often as I used to. I don't go to the partners thread and look obsessivley at it. I feel like I want to die a lot but I refrain. In this way I feel better, but I feel worse because I may have put my reason not to die into someone. This is not good. Why is this not good you may ask? Because it creates a toxic relationship for yourself and the other person. I am not dead because I do not want to do that to my boyfriend. But what if my boyfriend were to die tomorrow? Putting all of my reason not to die into a person is dangerous because what if he dies, or breaks up with me, or isnt there anymore? Woopsie there goes my reason to live. One of my ex coworkers got a girlfriend before he left and announced he now had "a reason to live". This is not good. I'm sure you see what I'm saying. Without distancing myself emotionally I need to not have a "reason to live" rather, I should just live. There is no "reason to live" searching for a reason is fruitless and stupid. Instead I'm just gonna vibe at the park at like 1am and do whatever I want.
(note: this was going to be my status, I did not want to take up space on the forums. Unfornunatley it is more than (500 characters haha)

I get what you're saying, but at the same time my attitude is don't overthink it. Just roll with it and try to enjoy your life.

If you actually end up enjoying life with your boyfriend and don't overthink about it, you may actually find yourself feeling happier on your own over time.

I could be wrong, but I think a lot of people are depressed because they overthink things. They over intellectualize things and make them more complicated than they need to be. Sometimes the right thing to do is not think at all, just go with your heart. If you have something to live for don't overthink it, just grab a hold onto it and go with the flow. Fuck it and see what happens.

 

[Beautiful_Disgrace]

I could be wrong, but I think a lot of people are depressed because they overthink things. They over intellectualize things and make them more complicated than they need to be.

I feel so attacked