puppybrained
worst angel ever
- Jul 15, 2024
- 15
not really an interesting post, just something ive been mulling over. i really do want to ctb, i know i have to eventually. i don't have a good reason integral to me to not. but i have external reasons, my dad and my bf mean a lot to me and really want me alive.
so i figured if i need a reason to ctb, i need a reason not to that doesn't rely on other people.
i can't say im dedicated to this reason, but i have something at least.
if i ever feel worse than i felt at my worst, then i have a good reason to ctb. i already got very close when i was at my lowest at 19. i expected to feel about the same recently as i went through and am going through similar circumstances, but i actually am handling it... well enough... better than i did i'll say. i can think of things that would cause me to feel as bad as i did, if not worse. until those things happen, then things are okay and i don't really NEED to ctb. things can be worse, so things are okay.
so i figured if i need a reason to ctb, i need a reason not to that doesn't rely on other people.
i can't say im dedicated to this reason, but i have something at least.
if i ever feel worse than i felt at my worst, then i have a good reason to ctb. i already got very close when i was at my lowest at 19. i expected to feel about the same recently as i went through and am going through similar circumstances, but i actually am handling it... well enough... better than i did i'll say. i can think of things that would cause me to feel as bad as i did, if not worse. until those things happen, then things are okay and i don't really NEED to ctb. things can be worse, so things are okay.
