Venting A rant about 'opening up'

[DeathNoot]

Trying to discuss my mental health with someone (in this case my mother) has been the single most frustrating experience of my life by a long shot. And we have a good relationship. I'm not even talking about suicide, just the state of my anxiety. There's no comprehension from her whatsoever. Every time I think I've thought of something to say that will make sense to her, she has no understanding. When I told her she wasn't understanding me and she took that as an offence to her somehow, saying she doesn't appreciate being 'blamed'. Not sure what I was supposed to have been blaming her for??? It's difficult enough to talk about it in the first place, I wish I never bothered. Its too late now tho, I've been trying to get the point across for over a month, every conversation ends in an argument or empty platitudes. 'The answers will come' was the last response I got, totally useless. I can tell myself that. I know she's trying to help but god it's just so annoying. The only benefit to this all is that the usual anxiety I would experience after opening up has been completely overridden by irritation.

TLDR: People suck and they don't get it

 

[Soulless_Angel]

Some people will just never understand mental health, no matter how hard you try, Respect to you for trying, it can't be easy. Maybe now you need to walk away and accept that that conversation won't be happening.
To know you have tried is better then never having tried at all and always wondering what the response would be.

 

[gentleflower]

I actually have made a similar experience with my partens.
Once they heard of the diagnosis of BPD and severe depression with suicidall tendencies, they wanted me to explain. I tried. I really tried numerous times. I was very, very careful with my wording. Using phrases as "don't take it personally" ... "This is wrong in my head" ... "This is my perception" and so on.
It actually led to one of the biggest fights i had ever had with my family, because they also felt blamed for my poor mental state, something I never wanted. I have learned from that in a way that mental health has moved into a "we do not talk about it" catagory between myself and my family.

 

[Soulless_Angel]

I genuinely believe if a child is suicidal, their parents need to be arrested.

interesting viewpoint, I have a sister, whom I barely speak to, she claims her child has every illness invented, (currently in hospital with a very rare bone infection)
She also claims he is suicidal... hes not quite 10, I have started to wonder if her claiming he has all these so called illnesses is causing him to feel suicidal,

 

[Iloveyouall]

'The answers will come'

What kind of answer is that ? What the hell does it mean ?

I genuinely believe if a child is suicidal, their parents need to be arrested.

I understand your point but I hope you're talking about a case where parents are the cause of the suicidal thoughts.

 

[Iloveyouall]

In most if not all cases, parents are the primary cause of any mental health disorders. They bring the child into the world, they are responsible for ever minute detail in the upbringing, and they dictate the lives of the child. When a company goes kaput, the CEO is typically the one held most responsible, as he has the most responsibility. This is the case for anyone in a leadership position, which already implies that they are most responsible, thus they are given the most power and authority.

The same idea can be applied to parenting.

I understand but throwing a kid into the system could pretty much ruin his/her life even more. Companies can fail because of poor leadership but sometimes it's because of economical reasons independent from the CEO. Of course it's the job of the CEO to prevent most of the risks but shit can happen. Parenting is a very different story than running a company. At least with a company, everything is written, recorded but with parenting a lot of things can go wrong without even noticing it until it's too late. Even if there was a permit to reproduce, granted only to the "best" parents, things could go wrong.

 

[Suicide_vampire]

I had this problem with my mum a few years ago, she didn't understand the self harming and other mental health conditions. She's a different generation, she'll be 80 this year.
What I did was get a simple book almost an idiots guide on mental health stuff and asked her to read it. Which she did.
She still doesn't totally understand it but she is more accepting and less judgemental. I am now able to talk to her and she doesn't get so upset. She tries now to understand things, sometimes it's just about giving them basic info, not from your perspective.
It's worth a try.

 

[Iloveyouall]

Changing jobs is not so difficult, the option to quit is always there, that alone provides a sense of security which enables you to say "I quit" without too many severe consequences.

There are plenty people who stay in a job they hate because they wouldn't find another one easily in their branch or location.

If you get bullied, they can contact the principle and change schools, if you are sick, they can provide you with the right care

Principles don't do shit. Kids get bullied in front of them and they don't do anything. Changing school is not that easy, it depends on where you live and if you get bullied in a school there is no guarantee that you wouldn't get bullied in the other one. If you are sick, well I guess you just have to hope it's not a serious illness and that your parents have enough money to pay for your medication, which is not obvious.

if you need someone to talk to, you have your own flesh and blood who have already sacrificed for you so you can bet they will listen.

There are kids who get PTSD from rape and get pressured by their rapist to not tell anything for example. Justice don't always put child rapists in jail, sometimes justice is not even involved in those cases. There are so much stories where the rapist just get transferred to another place to not make too much noise.
It's not that easy to talk, even to loving and listening parents.

If mental illness is not attributed to parenting, there is really nothing else to attribute it to.

Welcome to life, sometimes no one is at fault or in other words everyone is at fault. Probabilities don't apply to individuals.

 

[SimplyTopHat]

When I told her she wasn't understanding me and she took that as an offence to her somehow, saying she doesn't appreciate being 'blamed'. Not sure what I was supposed to have been blaming her for???

I'm sorry you had that experience, I can imagine how frustrating it must be. Especially to have her somehow flip things so it's about her &not what you're trying to explain.

You're not alone in feeling this way, when I tried to explain how my childhood had an effect on my affect, I was thrown out. Homeless following an hospitalization for a mental breakdown. Thanks mom.