A question for women and their relationship with their mother

[Pure]

How's your relationship with your mother? My childhood had a lot of toxic moments to the point I don't really have any meaningful relationship with her now as an adult (I'm almost 24).

I'm planning on killing myself in late October so I'm very distant personality wise right now as I'm very emotional about the whole thing. My mom has been seeing this as a personal attack on her and sort of disowned me while at the same time asking me and her to be friends.

I'm more concerned about my impending mortality and upset because I'm forcing myself no matter much I'm in pain to not kill myself as soon as my SN arrives due to some family circumstances I need to be a part of in the next few weeks.

 

[Celerity]

Your mother sounds like a nut job simultaneously pulling and pushing you away.

We were actually more distant in my early childhood when I was closer to my dad. Nowadays, she says I'm her best friend and will be devastated if/when I go. I feel very sorry for her.

 

[Pure]

Your mother sounds like a nut job simultaneously pulling and pushing you away.

She....has her issues. She's not a bad person by any means just hard for her to have empathy at times.

Nowadays, she says I'm her best friend and will be devastated if/when I go.

Why are you going if you don't mind me asking?

I find adult daughter-mother relationships fascinating. I think healthy adult friendships can only exist if the childhood was healthy or all has been rectified. My first suicidal gesture was 9 and I became chronically suicidal at 15 sooooo my childhood was very much not healthy. I used to be jealous of the girls I knew in college who were bffs with their moms as adults. Now I'm more or less indifferent.

 

[Celerity]

She....has her issues. She's not a bad person by any means just hard for her to have empathy at times.

Why are you going if you don't mind me asking?

I find adult daughter-mother relationships fascinating. I think healthy adult friendships can only exist if the childhood was healthy or all has been rectified. My first suicidal gesture was 9 and I became chronically suicidal at 15 sooooo my childhood was very much not healthy. I used to be jealous of the girls I knew in college who were bffs with their moms as adults. Now I'm more or less indifferent.

I don't fit in anywhere else besides with my family, and my career prospects are in the toilet.

It wasn't always this way. My preteen and teen years were awful with basically both of my parents upset with me off and on until I fell in line and became a "good kid" by high school. I have spent most of my life trying to polish out the sharp edges of my personality to fit in, but I really can't for the life of me find a way to change its overall shape and continue to primarily be rejected by society at large. People find me okay until they don't. It seems I can only be handled in small doses. A few have the guts to be direct about it. Most just drop me into the trash like a bag of days-old takeout when they finally decide they're tired of me.

As for my career, I used to have a lot of promise. I test well. I am pretty damn book-smart. I just have a useless degree and little money to change direction. If I were physically fit, I might try my hand at the military because I have little to lose at this point.

 

[Alwaysbadtime]

I barely communicate with my mom. She lives in a different state and has a fabulous existence while my reality sucks so much shit. I used to email her my problems a few years back. In the last 2 years I have texted her about wanting to end it. She sends me money. I have told her she is a narccissist. Anyway, she labels me mental and I am not. I've realized it's fucking situational anxiety completely warranted due to my shitty time at everything. I'm a bit older than you. My mom has reminded me of my age and doesn't understand the competition out there just to get a very shitty job.

I despise her for labeling and judging me. If she never went on vacations...if she was impoverished and never had a good career she would feel the same way as me. She can't relate. She is rich.

I have stopped texting her my problems or complaining. She doesn't take it well. I know sadly I won't see her again as I have 0 to talk about etc etc. We used to be pretty close. I lived with her for a number of years after high school graduation. She married 'up' and has her own shit going on. I am extremely pissed and jealous.

 

[Pure]

I just have a useless degree and little money to change direction.

I'm sorry you're facing this...sucks so much that it's the reality for so many young people.

She doesn't take it well. I know sadly I won't see her again as I have 0 to talk about etc etc.

Yeah that's me with my family in general. Just nothing for me to say. Life's bleak

 

[usernamerequired]

I have just recently started to work on my relationship with my mom again.
There were so many things wrong in my childhood that i have never even realised until just a few weeks ago, speaking of possible trauma. Things i have kind of repressed and buried deep in my mind came to light again and i have done lots of thinking.
My mum has made many mistakes but when i reached out to her just a few days ago, crying and asking for help she welcomed me with open arms so i am willing to give this whole relationship another go.

 

[Pure]

My mum has made many mistakes but when i reached out to her just a few days ago, crying and asking for help she welcomed me with open arms so i am willing to give this whole relationship another go.

I'm glad you're repairing your relationship! Are you gonna see a therapist with her to help mend the relationship? I think that'd be a good idea.

 

[usernamerequired]

I'm glad you're repairing your relationship! Are you gonna see a therapist with her to help mend the relationship? I think that'd be a good idea.

That is actually a really good idea, but before considering that i need to probably go to therapy by myself. i am in a really bad place at the moment but i want to do my best to change things, so i will focus on myself for some time first

 

[Pure]

That is actually a really good idea, but before considering that i need to probably go to therapy by myself. i am in a really bad place at the moment but i want to do my best to change things, so i will focus on myself for some time first

I'm glad you're open to it! You should tell your mom about it so she's on the same page as you

 

[usernamerequired]

I'm glad you're open to it! You should tell your mom about it so she's on the same page as you

Will definitely talk about that with her. She has already gone to therapy herself so isnt a stranger to therapy in general, i am sure she might be pretty open to it, like me. If she wants to keep working on our relationship that is

 

[UseItOrLoseIt]

Good thing I'm a man so I won't have to ruin my evening with all the shit that women has done to me.
Finally, a positive example of male privilege

 

[Makko]

Like all conservative asian mothers she gave birth to me so that she could have a slave. I'm not really into that, so long story short I live on the other side of the globe now and am basically dead to the family.

I wouldn't mind the traditional setup if I were to pop some slaves of my own but it's just not for me. I'm staying completely clear of mothers and mothering.

 

[goldenvirginia]

Emotional development is something everyone learns from there parents. If your parent/parents are emotionally stunted, due to their own upbringing, then you no doubt will be too. It's a cycle passed on from generation to generation. Some people are able to break the pattern and develop a healthy way of dealing with their emotions, but many don't. My own mother isn't a bad person at all, but she's unable to handle her emotions. My grandmother was the same and now I am too.

 

[Pure]

Emotional development is something everyone learns from there parents. If your parent/parents are emotionally stunted, due to their own upbringing, then you no doubt will be too. It's a cycle passed on from generation to generation. Some people are able to break the pattern and develop a healthy way of dealing with their emotions, but many don't. My own mother isn't a bad person at all, but she's unable to handle her emotions. My grandmother was the same and now I am too.

Either I CTB or I break the cycle

 

[stellabelle]

How's your relationship with your mother? My childhood had a lot of toxic moments to the point I don't really have any meaningful relationship with her now as an adult (I'm almost 24).

I'm planning on killing myself in late October so I'm very distant personality wise right now as I'm very emotional about the whole thing. My mom has been seeing this as a personal attack on her and sort of disowned me while at the same time asking me and her to be friends.

I'm more concerned about my impending mortality and upset because I'm forcing myself no matter much I'm in pain to not kill myself as soon as my SN arrives due to some family circumstances I need to be a part of in the next few weeks.

My mother was very toxic in childhood and the rest of the way out.
I wish things could've changed but she was very cruel and evil.
I couldn't stop her from being a psychotic bitch and am still reliving the trauma and aftermath of what she did and why she did it.
I cannot move on or heal from it and it was intended to be cruel.
I give up in general.
nothing ever gets better.
She wanted me to be a pawn or an emotional punching bag and continuously pulled her crap, she was a control freak and denied everything and wouldn't allow me to be happy. She wouldn't help me through school or escape abusive relationships. She would throw money at a problem instead of resolving it. She wouldn't help me with schoolwork or learn the important things. It was all about her shitshow for entertainment. She was just a wicked evil person that drove everybody insane and wouldn't stop her backstabbing or stupid little games. I wish I could've been removed from her custody very early on, she was unable to care for or love her children and instead abused the shit out of us every day.

 

[Ash]

As a kid, I idolised my mother. In my eyes, she couldn't do anything wrong so I accepted every unfair and unwarranted criticism as absolute truth. It's only more I realise what she did but the damage has been done and was the foundation for terrible decisions that led me to being hurt in other horrible ways. I'd confront her about it but she rewrites the past every week. Gotta pick your battles and all that.