Help A question for other users with BPD

[borderline-feline]

If you have a favorite person, then how do you handle the idea of hurting them with your death?

I refuse to even bring up big problems when talking to my favorite person, because I don't want to worry him. I made a promise to him that I wouldn't self-harm or ctb, so I don't have a right to die without his permission. I doubt that I could ever get his permission, and the risks of breaking the promise are too terrifying to me.

 

[unattainable piscie]

With an immense amount of guilt and shame and even just regret thinking about it. I've made a promise to always be honest with them and I hate the idea of breaking that even though I know how much it affects them to hear everything. Recently though we've been getting very distant and they admitted to me the only reason they are talking to me is because they're worried what I'd do if not, and that hit like a sledgehammer. But the more distant they're getting, it's also kinda relieving, as painful as it is, because they asks less how I'm doing, and I guess in a way I think eventually if they get distant enough then maybe it won't hurt them as much if I do cbt. Although that might be just what I do to cope because I so desperately want to CBT sometimes. Honestly I think they're right now my only anchor, and the idea of hurting them being the main thing keeping me from trying, so if I do loose them I don't know what I'll do

 

[EndoftheBlade]

If you have a favorite person, then how do you handle the idea of hurting them with your death?

I refuse to even bring up big problems when talking to my favorite person, because I don't want to worry him. I made a promise to him that I wouldn't self-harm or ctb, so I don't have a right to die without his permission. I doubt that I could ever get his permission, and the risks of breaking the promise are too terrifying to me.

I am BPD too. As for hurting others, yes if they care it will hurt for a while. But if they know you closely, and know how you struggle, they may also understand the pain you live with and why you did it (past tense just for example). You should also think about yourself in this situation, as most of us don't when we want to CTB. You might be helping your anguish and pain by doing it if there's no other options. I have seen a long time ago in Europe where a person with major depression was given the legal right to end their life in a hospital, with no other illnesses, so euthanasia essentially. As its illegal here for our purposes, my point is we should give ourselves a break and we have the choice to die and its not selfish. Good people who care about you wouldn't think like this.

Im not advocating for you to CTB fyi. Just as a person with the same horrendous freaking illness, I completely get it. Its the least talked about illness, with the worst name to scare ppl off, and so hard to maintain stability. If you want to chat feel free to PM me.

 

[hellispink]

They didn't care at all when they constantly hurt me and still do. So I truly do not care anymore. They will be happy and free when I am gone, I am certain of it. If anything I am doing them a favor by taking myself (garbage) out. What can I offer but a sick mind, absolutely anything. My gift to this person is so they can continue moving forward without this disgrace.

 

[irie]

it's hell to think about, especially when we're so attached to each other and they've made it so clear how much it'd hurt them. they're honestly the only reason i'm surviving in the first place, i always feel so horrendously guilty bringing up these issues to them because of how much it probably hurts them to see me like this, sucks honestly

 

[nonialabaster]

Just want to be clear here. Are we talking about Borderline Personality Disorder, or Bi-Polar Disorder. Because I have Borderline Personality Disorder.

 

[borderline-feline]

Just want to be clear here. Are we talking about Borderline Personality Disorder, or Bi-Polar Disorder. Because I have Borderline Personality Disorder.

BPD is borderline personality disorder.

 

[WorthlessCoward]

Easy: I am my own favorite person and I don't want to see myself suffer anymore

 

[nonialabaster]

BPD is borderline personality disorder.

Glad to see someone using the acronym correctly. I've seen it used by people who are Bi-Polar, and they are not the same thing. Not at all.

I am BPD too. As for hurting others, yes if they care it will hurt for a while. But if they know you closely, and know how you struggle, they may also understand the pain you live with and why you did it (past tense just for example). You should also think about yourself in this situation, as most of us don't when we want to CTB. You might be helping your anguish and pain by doing it if there's no other options. I have seen a long time ago in Europe where a person with major depression was given the legal right to end their life in a hospital, with no other illnesses, so euthanasia essentially. As its illegal here for our purposes, my point is we should give ourselves a break and we have the choice to die and its not selfish. Good people who care about you wouldn't think like this.

Im not advocating for you to CTB fyi. Just as a person with the same horrendous freaking illness, I completely get it. Its the least talked about illness, with the worst name to scare ppl off, and so hard to maintain stability. If you want to chat feel free to PM me.

I've had more than a few shrinks refuse to treat me, because of the BPD diagnosis, even though I was presenting with Major Depression, with the BPD being Axis 2, at that time. "You are some of the most difficult patients to treat!" I'm sitting here, in front of you with bandages on my arms, and you won't help me, or even refer me to someone else?