waived
I am a sunrise
- Jan 5, 2019
- 974
I have a mental health or physiological problem that has returned and I'm looking to see if anyone has experienced anything like it before, or if any of the Docs on the site assuming there were or still are know what it could be. Narrowing things down is my goal. It hadn't returned for about ten years and I've experienced a few very stressful situations during that time without its return. For objectivity those situations would be described by all people as stressful situations. I am currently 9-10 days into sobriety including alcohol, cannabis, and caffeine. It has been 8-9 months since I've had nicotine. Substance abuse has been a thing but there are considerable stretches without it. I have approached sobriety before without this happening. I have approached sobriety most recently during a bigger wave of depression.
So I haven't had this for a long time. I think it's closest to a free floating anxiety attack as my heart rate increases in that fashion and there is no direct cause. I would describe the increase in heart rate as severe, doubling, ect. Once these episodes begin, when I am normal and doing okay, if I think about it, I can feel it getting closer and then it usually begins, almost like it's alive and it has seen me look at it. I will fall asleep with it eventually with a half exhausted feeling and wake up without it where it will then immediately begin again, usually I can make it through half the day without it though. There have been times when I haven't slept. There is a body feel with it that can only be described as 'bad enough to walk around fully alert and in anguish while wanting to rip your skin off' but I wouldn't describe it as pain.
Unique characteristics would be it takes me a while afterwards or in between episodes to reconnect to the current world and where I have been even though I'd say I don't lose touch with reality during it. When I am within one of these episodes but in the 'okay' mode where I'm not actively experiencing it, if I focus on where I am I seem to be able to take back feelings and place them into current times and I am able to come back.
It is the coldest haunted feeling I can describe and the deepest depression and most intense anxiety over things as I understood it to be has never made me want to shut things off the way this thing does.
So I haven't had this for a long time. I think it's closest to a free floating anxiety attack as my heart rate increases in that fashion and there is no direct cause. I would describe the increase in heart rate as severe, doubling, ect. Once these episodes begin, when I am normal and doing okay, if I think about it, I can feel it getting closer and then it usually begins, almost like it's alive and it has seen me look at it. I will fall asleep with it eventually with a half exhausted feeling and wake up without it where it will then immediately begin again, usually I can make it through half the day without it though. There have been times when I haven't slept. There is a body feel with it that can only be described as 'bad enough to walk around fully alert and in anguish while wanting to rip your skin off' but I wouldn't describe it as pain.
Unique characteristics would be it takes me a while afterwards or in between episodes to reconnect to the current world and where I have been even though I'd say I don't lose touch with reality during it. When I am within one of these episodes but in the 'okay' mode where I'm not actively experiencing it, if I focus on where I am I seem to be able to take back feelings and place them into current times and I am able to come back.
It is the coldest haunted feeling I can describe and the deepest depression and most intense anxiety over things as I understood it to be has never made me want to shut things off the way this thing does.
