A poem for a loved one

[LunarLynx]

I really love the song "Snowman" from Sia.

So i decided to write a poem with a tone similar to this song. In mind I was thinking of the reaction the person I loved could have after reading it, then I remember they'll never read it cause the love is one way only.

So here the poem, don't know what to do about it

"don't cry, my dear, not after I've left,
Who'll catch your tears if I'm not to dawn, baby?
If I'm not to dawn, baby.

Please stay strong, don't let tears come by,
A world without me, I know it's a blow, my dear,
I know it's a blow, my dear.

I need you to know, that now I'll be leaving,
But please in your heart, today keep believing,
Yeah, you were my joy, my joy to keep living,
but now it's the end,

I leave you this way, I'm sorry darling,
I'll love you forever, even after this
Let's remember the good, and stop crying now,
No more tears, it's time to leave me now baby."

 

[Sleeper System]

I really love the song "Snowman" from Sia.

So i decided to write a poem with a tone similar to this song. In mind I was thinking of the reaction the person I loved could have after reading it, then I remember they'll never read it cause the love is one way only.

So here the poem, don't know what to do about it

"don't cry, my dear, not after I've left,
Who'll catch your tears if I'm not to dawn, baby?
If I'm not to dawn, baby.

Please stay strong, don't let tears come by,
A world without me, I know it's a blow, my dear,
I know it's a blow, my dear.

I need you to know, that now I'll be leaving,
But please in your heart, today keep believing,
Yeah, you were my joy, my joy to keep living,
but now it's the end,

I leave you this way, I'm sorry darling,
I'll love you forever, even after this
Let's remember the good, and stop crying now,
No more tears, it's time to leave me now baby."

If i'm not to dawn?

 

[LunarLynx]

If i'm not to dawn?

I'm not sure about it, but I think it's like, "If i'm not waking up at dawn" so in the morning

 

[Sleeper System]

I'm not sure about it, but I think it's like, "If i'm not waking up at dawn" so in the morning

Seems gramatically incorrect when I read it so I had to ask what you meant lol
"If i'm not your dawn" seems more fitting. Like saying if i'm not the thing you wake up to in the morning who will be there for you.

 

[Mirrory Me]

It definitely needs polishing. Poetry and rhyming is interesting, how some words fit together according to the purpose. As if it is already ready, which you just have to figure out.

 

[LunarLynx]

Seems gramatically incorrect when I read it so I had to ask what you meant lol
"If i'm not your dawn" seems more fitting. Like saying if i'm not the thing you wake up to in the morning who will be there for you.

Okay I understand, I'll work on that !

It definitely needs polishing. Poetry and rhyming is interesting, how some words fit together according to the purpose. As if it is already ready, which you just have to figure out.

I'll polish it a little bit more. I am not really good in english, and don't read a lot of english poetry so i need to train ! Thanks for the feedback.
change it a little, for it to be closer to the song in therm of singing. And gramatically better !

don't cry, my dear, not after I've left,
Who'll catch your tears if I don't wake up, baby?
If I don't wake up, baby.

Stay strong darling, don't let tears come by,
A lifetime, without me will not, be hard, my dear,
It will not, be hard, my dear.

I want you to know, that now I'll be leaving,
But please in your heart, today keep believing,
Yeah, you were my joy, my joy to keep living,
but now it's the end,

I leave you this way, I am sorry darling,
I'll love you forever, even after this
Let's remember the good, and stop crying now,
No more tears, it's time to leave me now baby.

 

[Mirrory Me]

I'll polish it a little bit more. I am not really good in english, and don't read a lot of english poetry so i need to train ! Thanks for the feedback.

Okay, I understand. My english is so bad that I usually use google translate. :D