Venting A lot of fear lately

[Redt2go]

I got my feelings back a few days ago. Im having a lot of fears about the feelings and emotions that will come with ending my life. Each day I feel more and more sure of ctb.

I'm thinking of the emotions I'll feel as I sit alone in motel bathtub listening to my final playlist. I know it'll be so terribly emotional.

More fearful than those feelings is the fear I have of surviving or backing out at the last second.

The anticipation of this rollercoaster has been stressing me out. I already feel emotionally exhausted after spending so much time on r/suicidebereavement trying to craft a letter.

TL/DR: no fear of death just the emotions leading up to it. so tired of feelings

 

[Made4TV]

I hear you. It's exhausting and confusing.

 

[TheCrow]

it's giving me anxiety

 

[Lil_Intro_Vert]

I feel that, it's exhausting to deal with suicidal thoughts and the actions leading up to ctbing

 

[Buddyluv19]

@Redt2go - I feel for you! I wish I had the courage to express what you've said. So much of it I relate to. I think I was privately hoping these fears were just mine - or was too afraid to put them into words.

Peace to you.

 

[JustAboutDone]

You must be feeling so drained x
especially trying to think over what you want to write to your family as well as how you may feel on the actual day. Is there any possible way to distract yourself from this for a few days to give yourself some breathing space? To be able to get away for a day or focus on anything unrelated so you can find some calm in your soul? I don't like to think of you distressed xx

 

[Redt2go]

You must be feeling so drained x
especially trying to think over what you want to write to your family as well as how you may feel on the actual day. Is there any possible way to distract yourself from this for a few days to give yourself some breathing space? To be able to get away for a day or focus on anything unrelated so you can find some calm in your soul? I don't like to think of you distressed xx

I think I'm going to try some exercise and playing the piano again. I think you're right I need a breather from planning and all of this. My head hurts and I'm really drained. This site has been my coping mechanism with everything else in my life so I guess I need to find another.

Thank you for this advice

 

[JustAboutDone]

I think I'm going to try some exercise and playing the piano again. I think you're right I need a breather from planning and all of this. My head hurts and I'm really drained. This site has been my coping mechanism with everything else in my life so I guess I need to find another.

Thank you for this advice

You play the piano? That's wonderful :-) I'm not very good at all - I can play a few Christmas carols and that's it. I'd love to be properly good at music but I'm not that way talented, I don't have a good ear

 

[Redt2go]

You play the piano? That's wonderful :-) I'm not very good at all - I can play a few Christmas carols and that's it. I'd love to be properly good at music but I'm not that way talented, I don't have a good ear

No I'm no good lol I just started learning to play one song last month

 

[JustAboutDone]

No I'm no good lol I just started learning to play one song last month

Better than me with carols! At least you can play yours all year round! :-) do you like singing?

 

[Redt2go]

Better than me with carols! At least you can play yours all year round! :-) do you like singing?

Love it! Last night I walked around for hours just singing my favorite songs. How about you?

 

[JustAboutDone]

Love it! Last night I walked around for hours just singing my favorite songs. How about you?

My favourite thing in the world used to be : in the car, roof down, music on singing :-)

Now it's singing along to myself in the house - but that's probably a lot less scary for people at the traffic lights!

 

[Redt2go]

My favourite thing in the world used to be : in the car, roof down, music on singing :-)

Now it's singing along to myself in the house - but that's probably a lot less scary for play the traffic lights!

Singing in the car brings so many memories