Venting A lifelong inability to connect with others has brought me to my knees

[DragonSlayer]

I feel completely alone. I never really connect with anyone. People always end up talking down to me, like I'm a child or like I'm cognitively disabled or something like that. It really hurts. It hurts to be alone, but it hurts even more to be around people and know that not only do you not fit in with them, you fit in with nobody and you never have.

I've been feeling almost nothing for the past few days except frustration and sadness. I've just hit a breaking point where I'm done trying to pretend like life is okay or like the people around me see me as anything more than a background character in their lives. I'm done trying to put a smile on my face, and I'm done trying to interact with people. Talking and interacting with others takes so much out of me. It's exhausting to me and I no longer even want to try. What's the point, if no matter what I do I'm always alone?

Nothing makes me want to die more than knowing that I have no one. Feeling lonely is painful on such a unique level. I've convinced myself for most of my life that I don't need anyone. "I can thrive alone." "I don't need friends." Absolute delusion. I haven't had any real friends since childhood, I've been practically completely alone for a long time. And I've been miserable.

I feel immature when I think about how I've been at work lately. I've been stone-faced, not even faking smiles or laughter, isolating and keeping away from everyone else. But I'm just tired of trying. My coworkers don't see me as an equal person anyway. They don't think of me as an equal professionally or socially. I've finally let that fact sink in. Previously, I was trying to stay at the job out of a sense of "loyalty" to my coworkers. But now I realize that these people don't really care about me-- barely any of them ever talk to me outside of work. It's only delusion and a lifetime of being alone that could convince me that the relationships I have to my coworkers-- people who almost literally only talk to me during work hours-- are actually worth anything. It's not worth it to stay in a job that I can no longer even stomach, a job I also feel incompetent at, just for the sake of people who'd probably completely forget about me in a couple years if I died tomorrow.

I'm almost 25 and I'm realizing that I'm probably never going to be socially fulfilled. I'm never going to find a friend that I can actually connect with on a deep, emotional level. Someone I can enjoy myself with and talk to and care for. As people get into their 30s, they start to get married and busy with their own lives. I'll have no one. Especially given the way people always respond to me. People treat me like I'm a toddler or they're just repulsed by me. I don't know how that can ever be solved, and even if it could be solved, I'm not sure how I'm going to find other people who aren't busy with children and spouses by the time I've solved it.

It seems to me that the only real end to this story is eventually for me to be found dead in my apartment. I can't see a positive conclusion to my life at all.

 

[chocolatebar]

So sorry for all this...

Are your difficulties mostly into connecting with people, like starting conversations and finding some initial topics or into deepening your relationships with people, like moving forward from someone they see here and there to a friend?

 

[hungry_ghost]

Do you feel like you put off an air of immaturity, and perhaps that's why people treat you as such?

I only say this because I resonate a lot with you've said here, and I've noticed after a lot of reflection, that people tend to treat me as inferior because I do in fact act passive and immature. The only way to change how people perceive you is to project a different image of yourself to others.

A lot of it has to do with being assertive as well, and confident.

Never be passive, or submissive.

 

[Zegers]

What's the point, if no matter what I do I'm always alone?

Same

 

[niki wonoto]

I'm 40 yrs old & I can relate. It's frustrating & depressing indeed.

- from Indonesia -

 

[Glendust]

I feel completely alone. I never really connect with anyone. People always end up talking down to me, like I'm a child or like I'm cognitively disabled or something like that. It really hurts. It hurts to be alone, but it hurts even more to be around people and know that not only do you not fit in with them, you fit in with nobody and you never have.

I've been feeling almost nothing for the past few days except frustration and sadness. I've just hit a breaking point where I'm done trying to pretend like life is okay or like the people around me see me as anything more than a background character in their lives. I'm done trying to put a smile on my face, and I'm done trying to interact with people. Talking and interacting with others takes so much out of me. It's exhausting to me and I no longer even want to try. What's the point, if no matter what I do I'm always alone?

Nothing makes me want to die more than knowing that I have no one. Feeling lonely is painful on such a unique level. I've convinced myself for most of my life that I don't need anyone. "I can thrive alone." "I don't need friends." Absolute delusion. I haven't had any real friends since childhood, I've been practically completely alone for a long time. And I've been miserable.

I feel immature when I think about how I've been at work lately. I've been stone-faced, not even faking smiles or laughter, isolating and keeping away from everyone else. But I'm just tired of trying. My coworkers don't see me as an equal person anyway. They don't think of me as an equal professionally or socially. I've finally let that fact sink in. Previously, I was trying to stay at the job out of a sense of "loyalty" to my coworkers. But now I realize that these people don't really care about me-- barely any of them ever talk to me outside of work. It's only delusion and a lifetime of being alone that could convince me that the relationships I have to my coworkers-- people who almost literally only talk to me during work hours-- are actually worth anything. It's not worth it to stay in a job that I can no longer even stomach, a job I also feel incompetent at, just for the sake of people who'd probably completely forget about me in a couple years if I died tomorrow.

I'm almost 25 and I'm realizing that I'm probably never going to be socially fulfilled. I'm never going to find a friend that I can actually connect with on a deep, emotional level. Someone I can enjoy myself with and talk to and care for. As people get into their 30s, they start to get married and busy with their own lives. I'll have no one. Especially given the way people always respond to me. People treat me like I'm a toddler or they're just repulsed by me. I don't know how that can ever be solved, and even if it could be solved, I'm not sure how I'm going to find other people who aren't busy with children and spouses by the time I've solved it.

It seems to me that the only real end to this story is eventually for me to be found dead in my apartment. I can't see a positive conclusion to my life at all.

I feel for you and completely relate. Life is painful and I've tried lots of times to ctb - obviously without success. I wish I had some answers for you. I've always been socially isolated. I consider myself a ghost and would love to just go asleep and not wake up. I'm sorry I can't offer you any support.

 

[Spyro24]

I feel completely alone. I never really connect with anyone. People always end up talking down to me, like I'm a child or like I'm cognitively disabled or something like that. It really hurts. It hurts to be alone, but it hurts even more to be around people and know that not only do you not fit in with them, you fit in with nobody and you never have.

I've been feeling almost nothing for the past few days except frustration and sadness. I've just hit a breaking point where I'm done trying to pretend like life is okay or like the people around me see me as anything more than a background character in their lives. I'm done trying to put a smile on my face, and I'm done trying to interact with people. Talking and interacting with others takes so much out of me. It's exhausting to me and I no longer even want to try. What's the point, if no matter what I do I'm always alone?

Nothing makes me want to die more than knowing that I have no one. Feeling lonely is painful on such a unique level. I've convinced myself for most of my life that I don't need anyone. "I can thrive alone." "I don't need friends." Absolute delusion. I haven't had any real friends since childhood, I've been practically completely alone for a long time. And I've been miserable.

I feel immature when I think about how I've been at work lately. I've been stone-faced, not even faking smiles or laughter, isolating and keeping away from everyone else. But I'm just tired of trying. My coworkers don't see me as an equal person anyway. They don't think of me as an equal professionally or socially. I've finally let that fact sink in. Previously, I was trying to stay at the job out of a sense of "loyalty" to my coworkers. But now I realize that these people don't really care about me-- barely any of them ever talk to me outside of work. It's only delusion and a lifetime of being alone that could convince me that the relationships I have to my coworkers-- people who almost literally only talk to me during work hours-- are actually worth anything. It's not worth it to stay in a job that I can no longer even stomach, a job I also feel incompetent at, just for the sake of people who'd probably completely forget about me in a couple years if I died tomorrow.

I'm almost 25 and I'm realizing that I'm probably never going to be socially fulfilled. I'm never going to find a friend that I can actually connect with on a deep, emotional level. Someone I can enjoy myself with and talk to and care for. As people get into their 30s, they start to get married and busy with their own lives. I'll have no one. Especially given the way people always respond to me. People treat me like I'm a toddler or they're just repulsed by me. I don't know how that can ever be solved, and even if it could be solved, I'm not sure how I'm going to find other people who aren't busy with children and spouses by the time I've solved it.

It seems to me that the only real end to this story is eventually for me to be found dead in my apartment. I can't see a positive conclusion to my life at all.

I'm so sorry and I feel very similar to you. Being all alone truly is the worst feeling one could experience... no one to talk to when in need... no shoulder to cry on... and a lot of the people that I have met have left me because I'm such a pain to deal with. I'm almost 23 but it feels like my life is already over. I tried to CTB twice so far without success. Life is just simply cruel and I want out.

 

[FuneralCry]

This life really is so unfair and I'm sorry that you have to endure all this suffering. I know that for many loneliness can be devastating and It's sad how so much pain exists in this world. I hope that in whatever you do, you find relief.

 

[Un-understandable]

I can say that I very much relate with that feeling of not being able to connect with others and that deep void one can see themselves losing to when interacting. Although, admittedly I have some semblance of a circle of friends, I actually realized recently that I was a "pity" addition, having made sense of that empty feeling like I am a mere spectator in get togethers. Really really depressing finding out you've been lonely your whole life. Hoping you can finally find that peace and fulfillment you've been looking for.