A joke

[GlitterAndBlood]

God I feel like such a joke. I tell myself "oh I'm feeling better!" etc etc. But i never am. I'm pretty sure its the manic episodes where i spend all my money, never cry, tell myself I'm better and can actually function. But the shitty fucking depressive episodes are always waiting for me. Swallowing me whole at the least expected times. And then I'm back to square one again. Locking myself in my room, pulling down the curtains and turning my phone off for several days on end. Having no energy to get up to go to the toilet, eat or brush my teeth. Just laying and rotting. And I've been scheduled to go to the psychiatric hospital to get help with these things for several months now. Yet everytime they reschedule. Lmfao I feel done. I feel like recovery isn't a thing anymore.
I fucking hate this. I feel as though if there is a God, he is pulling the most bizarre joke on me.

 

[timf]

There is a guy from the UK who has some videos on bipolar 2. He uses supplement and says he had success managing things without heavy medication. The standard medication is Lithium, but he uses a lighter weight form called Lithium Orotate. You might find some success using supplements while you are waiting for them to get around to you.

 

[msocks]

Yes the cycling gets so tiring. Especially when the peaks and lows are both so severe. I keep telling myself while I'm depressed that it's only temporary and I'll get better. But then the reprieve is also temporary and it's so exhausting.

Lamictal has been good for keeping my hypomanic episodes from going too crazy. I take Lunesta for sleep because it's my main trigger for not so good times. I have Effexor XR and Wellbutrin SR as add ons for the depression but probably need to change the dose of the Effexor or start an atypical antipsychotic. Yay for the medicine merry go round. At least my prescriber had the gene sight test done for me so if I do have to change up my meds there's at least a little more guidance than throwing shit at the wall and seeing what sticks.

 

[UsagiDrop]

Hypomania/mania feels like a trap to me. It is honestly the only time that I feel like I'm alive or okay, but at the same time, I'm 100x more motivated and likely to do things that hurt me. Impulsive spending, overindulgence in my vices, hyper-sexuality, lashing out at the people I care about; the list of negative things goes on and on and yet I wait for it to come and welcome it with open arms because it is the only relief I get from the depressive episodes. It sucks, and I feel you. But I would rather be at square two than the first one personally, haha.

I wish I had answers or solutions for you, but I'm not medicated or even seeing a psychiatrist anymore. I had to move countries and I haven't been stable enough to find one here. I don't even think I want to. Recovery feels impossible for me now, too, but I know it isn't impossible for everyone. I do not think it is impossible for you, if you want to recover. I really hope that the psychiatric hospital can get their scheduling right and see you one day soon. It sucks to have to wait on help. In the meantime, have you ever tried journaling your moods and symptoms? I do this just so I can expect an episode and prepare for it. At the very least, it makes things a little more manageable and I am less likely to hurt myself if I'm aware of what is happening. They have an app specifically for that too. Writing can be hard if you're too depressed, so I like that it's mostly just checking off boxes and answering yes or no questions.