Venting a ‘friend’ of mine keeps making comments that drives me to ctb faster.

[wildbluekiss]

"oh, don't ask her stuffs or even talk about her sickness, she will start talking about her problems and we won't be hearing the end of that."

I'M NOT STARTING ANYTHING… in the first place, you're the one who REALLY wanted to know and being nosy about my business! and now you frame me like i'm the deranged one and will vent out of nowhere!

"so you found a site with people to talk to? a forum? better that way, if you keep tweeting, [another friend's name] will be stressed out."

HELLO… that's my private account! i can do everything i want, i even ask my mutuals first whether they're gonna be comfortable or not with my tweets, don't talk like you know everything in one's mind.

"yeah-yeah, you're the most hurting one in this whole world. god, your problems aren't even that bad. your family is privileged. sorry, but everytime you talk about your problems, i think it's not even as difficult as the others'."

do you even remember that YOU are the one who asked me first about how i feel? YOU are the one who had the urge to 'save' me or whatever bullshit that was in your head, YOU are the who said you CARE… huh, i never ASKED for your pity nor your time. i only ANSWER your QUESTIONS. and you make it like i need you when I REGRET EVERY SINGLE TEXT I'VE SENT TO YOU.

"after all, you won't die. you have no bravery. you're younger than me, it's just all talk. i might as well go first in the end, since you won't do it anyway."

right. we'll see. WE WILL FUCKING SEE. i will show you and i will make you remember my DEATH forever. YOU are one of my sources of MISERY. YOU are driving me to do this, just like EVERYONE ELSE.

 

[hexd]

i feel you in that regard. i also have a private twitter and ALOT of friends try to follow it, i always warn them that none of it is "sweet" or "fun" yet they still persist, and then once they see the cesspool they cry and whine to just about everyone else about how "sickly" i am. hell i hardly spoke about this place yet a couple of them STILL went digging for this account just to do the same thing. then i gotta deal with all these people regurgitating the same old bullshit, or just flat out be banned from places i enjoy because im a "risk to the people around me" its so painful. the best advice i could give is to just block out those so called "friends" just from the private account, hell you don't even need to say anything you owe them nothing considering how they treat you. nobody else will ever truly understand.

 

[wildbluekiss]

i feel you in that regard. i also have a private twitter and ALOT of friends try to follow it, i always warn them that none of it is "sweet" or "fun" yet they still persist, and then once they see the cesspool they cry and whine to just about everyone else about how "sickly" i am. hell i hardly spoke about this place yet a couple of them STILL went digging for this account just to do the same thing. then i gotta deal with all these people regurgitating the same old bullshit, or just flat out be banned from places i enjoy because im a "risk to the people around me" its so painful. the best advice i could give is to just block out those so called "friends" just from the private account, hell you don't even need to say anything you owe them nothing considering how they treat you. nobody else will ever truly understand.

You will never know how much your reply is very much appreciated. I feel like someone actually understands me for the first time in a while and someone out there is actually feeling or experiencing the same pain I'm going through, thank you. I just can't fathom nor understand… why would they do this in the first place? They REALLY just wanted to know for their convenience? To feed their curiosity? To make a joke out of my—our—suffering? I just… can't understand, aren't we friends? Why are you doing this to me? If you don't wanna listen, you can ignore me, just treat me like I'm not here! Why would you talk shit about me, make fun of me, I can't… understand them at all.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Your "friend" sounds like an asshole. Why are you even friends with them? I'd probably try cutting them out of my life if I were you.

 

[hexd]

i totally do, i hardly even post anymore on my private since i feel like im almost on suicide watch. nobody listens to me anymore unless its my brother but he just doesnt wanna see me CTB, he says everything he can and it just hurts, i dont wanna hurt him!
i think people dont take it seriously, hell i dont even know honestly. nobody truly cares in the end, if we were to CTB tonight the birds will continue to chirp, cars will continue to drive and be annoying, people will still fight and fall in love, etc. we mean nothing to anybody but ourselves. i just wish people were more direct instead of leading us on.
maybe we can be friends or smthing like that, i dont mind listening to you at all!

 

[Abyssal]

Remember, calling someone an asshole to their face is free!

That aside, drop this friend. You'll be better off without them even if you think you won't.

 

[wildbluekiss]

Your "friend" sounds like an asshole. Why are you even friends with them? I'd probably try cutting them out of my life if I were you.

Oh, not only sounding, he's indeed an asshole, now that I think about it.

Since he's 10 years older than me, he always shoves it onto my face that I won't do it, I'm only all talk, I'm a spoiled brat, he knows better, blahblah… I've endured this for so long. I don't even beg him to listen to my ventings, he's the one who wanted to know first… asking, sticking his nose where it doesn't belong, sigh.

You guys really give me the strength to cut him off! It means so much to me, thank you.

Remember, calling someone an asshole to their face is free!

That aside, drop this friend. You'll be better off without them even if you think you won't.

Yeah! Just did a Twitter and Discord mutual purge last night after you guys replied here, I feel a lot better now. At least, even if I won't be here for much longer, I want to spend my days in peace, with people who understand me. Thank you for your support! Really needed it last night.

i totally do, i hardly even post anymore on my private since i feel like im almost on suicide watch. nobody listens to me anymore unless its my brother but he just doesnt wanna see me CTB, he says everything he can and it just hurts, i dont wanna hurt him!
i think people dont take it seriously, hell i dont even know honestly. nobody truly cares in the end, if we were to CTB tonight the birds will continue to chirp, cars will continue to drive and be annoying, people will still fight and fall in love, etc. we mean nothing to anybody but ourselves. i just wish people were more direct instead of leading us on.
maybe we can be friends or smthing like that, i dont mind listening to you at all!

The thing is, eventhough I've known SaSu since forever, I just got myself registered in this week because I can't endure him anymore—nah, not only him, there are lots of mutuals making fun of my misery too. They're driving me onto the edge, and here I am now. I feel far more comfortable with you guys, good grief I landed here.

I agree! People don't take it seriously, like, anything, anyone, seriously, until they're gone. And even after I'm gone, I know that they will only be 'sad' for the first few days, and boom! What's left is the preaching of mental health, religion, getting a help, blahblah… hypocrites. And yes, as the world will continue unchanged before and after my death, nothing matters anymore.

And I somehow can relate to you about your brother… my younger brother is my biggest push to endure all of the shit happening. I love him so much, too much… but someday I know, I need to leave, even if he's still here. I wish the best for you and your brother! Anyway, followed! My dm will always be open, maybe I'll knock on yours too sometimes

 

[rozeske]

Someone who says thos vile things is not a friend not even merely an acquaintances, cut him off. No one deserves a "friend" like that. And you certainly don't need this type of negativity in those days, however long you decide for them to be.

And don't let this types of people be the judge of your choices. Don't even give them the satisfaction of influencing you into doing any thing. You know your situation better than any one your life belongs to you and only you, so you should be the sole responsible one to make any type of decisions.

 

[wildbluekiss]

Someone who says thos vile things is not a friend not even merely an acquaintances, cut him off. No one deserves a "friend" like that. And you certainly don't need this type of negativity in those days, however long you decide for them to be.

And don't let this types of people be the judge of your choices. Don't even give them the satisfaction of influencing you into doing any thing. You know your situation better than any one your life belongs to you and only you, so you should be the sole responsible one to make any type of decisions.

Thank you so much for saying this. Really, it gives me the strength I've been needing. I'm done being tampered with his words. I finally had the courage to leave the Discord servers with him and his friends in them, also unfriended bunch of people like that in my private Twitter account. I feel a little bit lonelier than usual, but hey, I also feel lighter… it's better to feel closer to be empty than to be sad—you know what I mean?

And yeah, I do agree… it's just my venting, but I do have a little bit wish to curse them all and make them feel bad for what they did… hahah, maybe that's on me.

 

[wildbluekiss]

i do wonder. have i done something that made them view me and my condition as a mere joke. they knew about my attempts… they knew how often i go to hospital… my excessive selfharms, my eating disorder. so why. we've been friends for years. are they bored because i'm not dead yet?

to conclude, do they want me be to be dead for good? i can't think of another answer. there's next to none.