Hello!
Just venting/rambling here. More rambling than anything else.
I'm just about getting ready. It seems I've tried preparing everything several times in my life now that I wonder whether I've really made up my mind.
A lot of times before, I just let the opportunity pass and let life drag me farther along like I usually do.
I don't know if it's any different this time. I surely hope it is. This life is too lonely and too empty to continue.
At the moment, I only have a few loose ends that I need to tie up. I have everything that I really need to finally get that rest I've been longing for.
Still, there are a few things I wished I could have tried and experienced before leaving for good. They are not many and some would seem very easily achievable:
1. Be in a relationship
2. Visit the Acropolis (Greece)
3. Attend Comic Con (SDCC)
Apart from the first one, most people can say you could practically do the other 2 now. The keyword is 'now', though. I don't think I want to extend my despair by doing something in between now and then. I do like to travel but even a short trip to Greece or US from England would need preparations. Even getting the proper visa (having only a work visa in the UK) would take a little time. Time, simply isn't something I want to spend more of.
The first one is, and has always been, something I've only ever daydreamed about. I even wished I could have married (but probably divorce before leaving). I don't think I ever had a chance to find a partner, not a boyfriend, not a husband. While I don't think I'm ugly, I am ordinary and boring: the 2 sure things to kill your chance if you're a gay guy!
I really wish I had the chance to experience these 3 things in my life. All the other things in my bucket list have either been ticked as done or crossed out as being too unimportant. They wouldn't make my life complete, I know. I don't think anything ever will, considering how empty my life feels to me. At the very least, I would have a few more happy thoughts to remember.
However, I will not pass up a chance to find peace. I'm too just exhausted with this life to keep going.
I wonder if anyone else have the same thoughts.
Thanks for reading!
Just venting/rambling here. More rambling than anything else.
I'm just about getting ready. It seems I've tried preparing everything several times in my life now that I wonder whether I've really made up my mind.
A lot of times before, I just let the opportunity pass and let life drag me farther along like I usually do.
I don't know if it's any different this time. I surely hope it is. This life is too lonely and too empty to continue.
At the moment, I only have a few loose ends that I need to tie up. I have everything that I really need to finally get that rest I've been longing for.
Still, there are a few things I wished I could have tried and experienced before leaving for good. They are not many and some would seem very easily achievable:
1. Be in a relationship
2. Visit the Acropolis (Greece)
3. Attend Comic Con (SDCC)
Apart from the first one, most people can say you could practically do the other 2 now. The keyword is 'now', though. I don't think I want to extend my despair by doing something in between now and then. I do like to travel but even a short trip to Greece or US from England would need preparations. Even getting the proper visa (having only a work visa in the UK) would take a little time. Time, simply isn't something I want to spend more of.
The first one is, and has always been, something I've only ever daydreamed about. I even wished I could have married (but probably divorce before leaving). I don't think I ever had a chance to find a partner, not a boyfriend, not a husband. While I don't think I'm ugly, I am ordinary and boring: the 2 sure things to kill your chance if you're a gay guy!
I really wish I had the chance to experience these 3 things in my life. All the other things in my bucket list have either been ticked as done or crossed out as being too unimportant. They wouldn't make my life complete, I know. I don't think anything ever will, considering how empty my life feels to me. At the very least, I would have a few more happy thoughts to remember.
However, I will not pass up a chance to find peace. I'm too just exhausted with this life to keep going.
I wonder if anyone else have the same thoughts.
Thanks for reading!
