Venting A few more years

[Redt2go]

Don't read this it's nonsense.

I only want to live for 5 more years at most but even that seems like an eternity.(I know, dramatic) but the days lately are so long.

I dont feel sad anymore. I dont feel anything lately. (Except when drunk) I don't really see the point in anything anymore as I don't plan on living into old age. I'm kind of just waiting to lose connections with the few people that don't hate me. I also feel like it'll be decades before my parents die though. I guess I'm just trying to figure out how to waste my time until I die but I can't find anything that's worth doing.

 

[JustAboutDone]

Hi @Redt2go, I read it and it's not nonsense at all. It's totally relatable - every day seems to last a lifetime when you don't want it to. Xxx It's difficult to feel any pleasure in anything when you get to that place of empty numbness. Is there anything that gives you any sense of making you not notice time passing as much, anything you can lose yourself in a little? Xx

 

[ReadyasEver]

Start off small, read a book from a favorite author or watch a movie or show you really enjoy. I've found clarity comes and decisions are better when in some way you can find a little calmness, and that many times comes through an activity or source you can enjoy. Doesn't hurt to give it shot.

 

[gingerplum]

Anhedonia, or when depression goes beyond apathy. I think you're in good company here, if that helps to know. I still find pleasure in some things, but not only do I not have anything to look forward to, I dread the future, especially ageing and the inevitable decline in health. More than ever, the sort of grim resignation in Roger Waters' lyrics really resonates with me:

Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day
Fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way.
Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way.
Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain.
You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today.
And then one day you find ten years have got behind you.
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun.
So you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking
Racing around to come up behind you again.
The sun is the same in a relative way but you're older,
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death.
Every year is getting shorter never seem to find the time.
Plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines
Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way
The time is gone, the song is over,
Thought I'd something more to say.

 

[Redt2go]

Thanks guys and thanks for the poem/lyrics @gingerplum it's nice to know I'm not the only person feeling this. I've been learning a song on the piano and it helps to pass them time :) . You guys are wonderful.