"Hello to whomever is reading this. If you are reading this, it is because I have made the decision to end my life after a lot of consideration. Life has gotten to the point to where it is unbearable. I want my family to know this isn't their fault. Nothing they could have done would have prevented this, as it was only a matter of time.
The reason for my decision to CTB is simply because I was born the wrong sex. I am AMAB (assigned male at birth) and I cannot stand it. I've always wanted to have been AFAB (assigned female at birth) since the very beginning of my life. I use the word "born" specifically because I will never consider transitioning. I do not believe transitioning is a real fix to dysphoria, in fact I think it is simply "cope", and I'd rather die than live a life of cope. I dislike the male body and all of the features of being male. I can't stand living in this body, but I also don't want to transition for a multitude of reasons. 1. The scarring from it is gross 2. The odds of me passing 100% of the time, especially in my 30s are extremely low, 3. Doing so requires 5 years of invasive surgeries and hormones and I just do not want to go through all of that. I have other reasons, but those are the main ones.
My dysphoria festered in May of 2021. I went to therapy for around 10 months and was given suggestions that I could have found through google. I only went there to vent, and it became redundant after a while. Everything triggers me these days. Any time I see an attractive women in person, on tv, on social media, etc. I get extremely jealous, bitter and sad. I will never be one, no matter how much people whom virtue signal like to cough out the trope of "It's your soul and essence that matters". That is completely false. Your physical appearance is what matters as well as your biology. My "essence" or "soul" as the virtue signalers like to pretend matters does not change what others see when they look at me or most importantly what I see when I look in the mirror. I just cannot accept living a life inside a body I absolutely despise. I hate when people refer to me as a "she" just because I wish was one. I am not one. I am, unfortunately a "he", which is the entire problem in the first place.
I cannot stop feeling envy and jealous of attractive cis women. This dysphoria has consumed me to the point where I am not able to enjoy my hobbies anymore, where the music I like listening to makes me extremely dysphoric, and I stopped having the will to exercise. It's gotten to the point where I just eat, sleep and sit on the computer. That is all I have the energy to do.
I cannot stand having to live in a world where attractive cis women can flaunt and be happy about their looks while I have to feel inferior to them. Don't get me wrong, I don't blame them for it. I would do the same thing and be proud of it if I was in their position. I am just salty because I am not in their position. I still don't want to live in a world where I cannot physically and biologically be what I want. It is not worth it for me.
I believe in the right to euthanasia for people who do not want to stick around because of severe depression. No one should ever be forced to live an existence that is physically or mentally debilitating. We all die eventually, so why prolong someone's suffering when they are just going to die anyways?
I would like to apologize to my friends, my family, and anyone reading this, that it had to come to this. I only wish that I could have been born under different circumstances so this could have never been something I'd consider. However, the game of life is not fair, and it is a game I have the physical right to quit. "My body, my choice" as progressives like to tout.
I will miss my family, friends and four cats, but this is a decision I had to make. There is no hope of things ever improving. I hope that my family will continue to look after the cats and understand that I needed to do this. It was for the best."
I hate myself and I hate people whom I am jealous of. Of course only because I am not them. Can't wait to off myself finally.
The reason for my decision to CTB is simply because I was born the wrong sex. I am AMAB (assigned male at birth) and I cannot stand it. I've always wanted to have been AFAB (assigned female at birth) since the very beginning of my life. I use the word "born" specifically because I will never consider transitioning. I do not believe transitioning is a real fix to dysphoria, in fact I think it is simply "cope", and I'd rather die than live a life of cope. I dislike the male body and all of the features of being male. I can't stand living in this body, but I also don't want to transition for a multitude of reasons. 1. The scarring from it is gross 2. The odds of me passing 100% of the time, especially in my 30s are extremely low, 3. Doing so requires 5 years of invasive surgeries and hormones and I just do not want to go through all of that. I have other reasons, but those are the main ones.
My dysphoria festered in May of 2021. I went to therapy for around 10 months and was given suggestions that I could have found through google. I only went there to vent, and it became redundant after a while. Everything triggers me these days. Any time I see an attractive women in person, on tv, on social media, etc. I get extremely jealous, bitter and sad. I will never be one, no matter how much people whom virtue signal like to cough out the trope of "It's your soul and essence that matters". That is completely false. Your physical appearance is what matters as well as your biology. My "essence" or "soul" as the virtue signalers like to pretend matters does not change what others see when they look at me or most importantly what I see when I look in the mirror. I just cannot accept living a life inside a body I absolutely despise. I hate when people refer to me as a "she" just because I wish was one. I am not one. I am, unfortunately a "he", which is the entire problem in the first place.
I cannot stop feeling envy and jealous of attractive cis women. This dysphoria has consumed me to the point where I am not able to enjoy my hobbies anymore, where the music I like listening to makes me extremely dysphoric, and I stopped having the will to exercise. It's gotten to the point where I just eat, sleep and sit on the computer. That is all I have the energy to do.
I cannot stand having to live in a world where attractive cis women can flaunt and be happy about their looks while I have to feel inferior to them. Don't get me wrong, I don't blame them for it. I would do the same thing and be proud of it if I was in their position. I am just salty because I am not in their position. I still don't want to live in a world where I cannot physically and biologically be what I want. It is not worth it for me.
I believe in the right to euthanasia for people who do not want to stick around because of severe depression. No one should ever be forced to live an existence that is physically or mentally debilitating. We all die eventually, so why prolong someone's suffering when they are just going to die anyways?
I would like to apologize to my friends, my family, and anyone reading this, that it had to come to this. I only wish that I could have been born under different circumstances so this could have never been something I'd consider. However, the game of life is not fair, and it is a game I have the physical right to quit. "My body, my choice" as progressives like to tout.
I will miss my family, friends and four cats, but this is a decision I had to make. There is no hope of things ever improving. I hope that my family will continue to look after the cats and understand that I needed to do this. It was for the best."
I hate myself and I hate people whom I am jealous of. Of course only because I am not them. Can't wait to off myself finally.
