A destructive, but effective method of getting over people

[Sensei]

Now, this is not for everyone, but it works for me. It's quite simple. If there's a person I need to get over, I focus entirely on their bad traits and think about those traits all my waking hours. Within a couple of days I feel such utter contempt for the person that I don't want to see them again. Admittedly, this is a very desctructive method, but it does work and it has de facto saved me from killing myself.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Now, this is not for everyone, but it works for me. It's quite simple. If there's a person I need to get over, I focus entirely on their bad traits and think about those traits all my waking hours. Within a couple of days I feel such utter contempt for the person that I don't want to see them again. Admittedly, this is a very desctructive method, but it does work and it has de facto saved me from killing myself.

This actually works quite well for me when I've drifted apart from some friends that I miss. Unfortunately for me it doesn't work at all for the girls I've liked because I'm one of those types of idiots who can't think of enough bad stuff about them to grow to hate them. Well I can for one, and maybe that's part of how I got over her. It still took me over nine years though.

I guess if I had actually gotten into relationships with any of them it would have been easier to find stuff to hate. Now all I can do is resent that they weren't able to let me for whatever reason but honestly if I were them I wouldn't wanna date me either...

 

[Sensei]

This actually works quite well for me when I've drifted apart from some friends that I miss. Unfortunately for me it doesn't work at all for the girls I've liked because I'm one of those types of idiots who can't think of enough bad stuff about them to grow to hate them. Well I can for one, and maybe that's part of how I got over her. It still took me over nine years though.

It's definitely more difficult if it's about romantic love, but it's still possible. It's also more important when it's about romantic love, because that's usually more painful and likely to push you over the edge.

For the record, I only use this method when I become acutely suicidal so that I won't kill myself when I'm in a state of affect.

I guess if I had actually gotten into relationships with any of them it would have been easier to find stuff to hate.

You can use anything, even the smallest detail. Don't like her nose? Think about her nose all the time. It's childish, but it works.

Now all I can do is resent that they weren't able to let me for whatever reason but honestly if I were them I wouldn't wanna date me either...

Patience is the key. Chances are you'll meet the right one if you wait.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Patience is the key. Chances are you'll meet the right one if you wait.

Feels like I've been patient enough. I mean it's been almost 27 years for me and I haven't even had a chance to start. I guess that's still kind of young but to never have had anything at all? I find it increasingly difficult to wait any longer even though I'm planning to wait at least another year...

You can use anything, even the smallest detail. Don't like her nose? Think about her nose all the time. It's childish, but it works.

Well, one dyed her hair red when it was perfectly fine being blonde...Oh and she was as pro-life as it gets. She made me promise to never CTB at one point lol.

 

[Sensei]

Feels like I've been patient enough. I mean it's been almost 27 years for me and I haven't even had a chance to start. I guess that's still kind of young but to never have had anything at all? I find it increasingly difficult to wait any longer even though I'm planning to wait at least another year...

I don't know your life situation, but I do know people who have gotten started at your age. I'm not going to lie to you and say that everything automatically will turn out just fine, but I will say that it very well might if you wait. If you're a bachelor when you're in your late 30s than suicide is worth considering, but I think it's a bit too early for you to give up now.

Well, one dyed her hair red when it was perfectly fine being blonde...Oh and she was as pro-life as it gets. She made me promise to never CTB at one point lol.

There you go! I doesn't sound like a particularly bad trait that she wants you to stay alive, though.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I don't know your life situation, but I do know people who have gotten started at your age. I'm not going to lie to you and say that everything automatically will turn out just fine, but I will say that it very well might if you wait. If you're a bachelor when you're in your late 30s than suicide is worth considering, but I think it's a bit too early for you to give up now.

Yeah...I just don't want to be a bachelor in my 30s because my dad was and I don't want to become like him. I know I'm not him but I also know for a fact that a lot of his horribleness was a direct result of being in zero relationships until he was 36 and not getting married until he was 37. I'm already seeing signs of me becoming like him emerging and that's why 30 is my absolute maximum age to be lonely, no exceptions. Thank you for your efforts to bring me up though. They're much appreciated.

There you go! I doesn't sound like a particularly bad trait that she wants you to stay alive, though.

Heh, well that's true. It's been over 4 years since I purposefully cut it off with her to avoid heartache and I have since found someone else who brings me even more grief over how compatible we were and how I missed out... Wish I could find something bad about her too...she...was a little short?... 5'4 isn't that short though...

 

[Sensei]

Yeah...I just don't want to be a bachelor in my 30s because my dad was and I don't want to become like him. I know I'm not him but I also know for a fact that a lot of his horribleness was a direct result of being in zero relationships until he was 36 and not getting married until he was 37. I'm already seeing signs of me becoming like him emerging and that's why 30 is my absolute maximum age to be lonely, no exceptions. Thank you for your efforts to bring me up though. They're much appreciated.

Well, even if you don't want to become like your dad, he's living proof that you can meet someone at your age or later.

Heh, well that's true. It's been over 4 years since I purposefully cut it off with her to avoid heartache and I have since found someone else who brings me even more grief over how compatible we were and how I missed out... Wish I could find something bad about her too...she...was a little short?... 5'4 isn't that short though...

I don't know if that's short or not, but it's short enough if it can ease your pain.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Well, even if you don't want to become like your dad, he's living proof that you can meet someone at your age or later.

I never thought of it like that. It's true. I just don't want to have to put someone through what my mom went through. Poor lady was ten years younger than him and so naive... I shudder to think that my only chances could be because someone might automatically assume that I'm smart and better to be with just because I'm older in the future.

I don't know if that's short or not, but it's short enough if it can ease your pain.

Actually......this girl was actually five years younger than me and definitely attracted to me because I was older so maybe things not working out with her worked out... I only really see it as fair to think that's short since I'm 6'0 and would hate to have to look down at my whoever my partner is so much. I'd want someone closer to me in height so we're at eye level most of the time, at least 5'8"...

Now all I got to do is repeat that a billion times for the next year.

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

This works great until you're blindsided by unicorns that you didn't think were possible. At that point you have to smash your narcissism to bits and realize that you're just not good enough and will never be. Truth can hurt, but it's very necessary.

 

[Sensei]

The works great until you're blindsided by unicorns that you didn't think were possible. At that point you have to smash your narcissism to bits and realize that you're just not good enough and will never be. Truth can hurt, but it's very necessary.

But one can be good enough and still be ditched, betrayed, hurt, and what have you. Be that as it may. It's just a crude tool for neutralizing pain which happens to work for me.

 

[Meditation guide]

This works well. Focus on the awful crap they did to you.

 

[Ame]

Recently, I find myself compartmentalizing things and attempting to "put him away" - somewhere out of sight and out of mind - but it is proving to be difficult. I don't want to accept that he died and I certainly don't want to let him go. His flaws were his flaws and I love him regardless. There are moments where I feel a sort of resentment (ex: "was I not good enough for him to hang onto?", "did he really feel anything for me?", "he didn't leave me any note or hope that I could live on.") but then I soon remember that he was in so much pain that I cannot imagine him being able to see beyond it. If I may be honest, I am dreading passing through the grief because I will find myself facing all of the other reasons that lead me to consider suicide in the first place.

 

[stygal]

I mostly only see the negative aspects in people anyways so it works like a charm for me.
I wish I was more positive/forgiving/not as obsessive over small details (regarding myself and others) though I would have a much better time when it comes to human interaction.
Need to rewire my brain.

 

[sorella santini]

I don't see it as destructive if it helps you to move on. It's a survival mechanism. Personally I find it easy to cut ties with people if they want to cut ties with me, especially when it comes to romantic relationships. I won't allow myself to get hurt.