A Broken Person

[Ender]

Hi.

As the days go by, I become more and more hopeless and broken. I'm speaking less and less to everyone, I'm isolating myself. I only whisper. This site is really my last chance to at least give me hope that maybe, just maybe, I can live. My problems and well-being are becoming distant. I attended school today, it was miserable, and tomorrow will only be more painful. I have to go shopping with my grandfather, attend group therapy, and more school. Considering my state, it will be agonizing. I hate my community and the people around me, they are nothing but foolish and cruel people. Perhaps that's not true, but they way they look at me and laugh at me is giving me such an idea. I'm all alone, no friends, no relationships. It's breaking, and breaking my heart every time I have to do partner work, and no one's willing to work with me. I broke down during a group therapy session last week, I couldn't help it. It seems like I'm looking forward and choosing to end myself soon. My sleep is havoc as well, I take medication, and it puts me to sleep, except, I have been sleeping all day and waking up at night. I hate the sun, I hate the day, people come out and make a lot of noise. I seriously don't want to wake up anymore. It's currently 11:35 PM at night here in the East Coast of the US. Looks like I have another night of staying up. I'm sorry for going on with this. I just needed to let this out. Here I stand, a broken husk, slowly turning to some sort of madness I can not comprehend.

Thanks.

 

[Miss_Takes]

Most of us are at least a little broken here. Sounds like a lonely time for you. Its good that youre posting here ... telling our stories here can help. People are listening.

 

[Ender]

Most of us are at least a little broken here. Sounds like a lonely time for you. Its good that youre posting here ... telling our stories here can help. People are listening.

That is what I appreciate most about posting on here, I'm being heard. And yes, such a lonely and miserable time for me.

 

[Miss_Takes]

Do you listen to.music when you cant sleep? Im old so I listen to talkback radio (bunch of old farts whinging mostly) tends to work.a treat at putting me to sleep lol

 

[Ender]

Do you listen to.music when you cant sleep? Im old so I listen to talkback radio (bunch of old farts whinging mostly) tends to work.a treat at putting me to sleep lol

I haven't tried that out yet, will do so.

 

[Miss_Takes]

Theres something I find oddly comforting about it ... possibly just the sound of talking makes me feel less alone ...
Podcasts are good too but usually they pique my interest and have the opposite effect.

 

[Intotheflames]

The point where one still has hope but reality denies it is the most painful, trust me I know.

Do you find the benefits of the therapy outweigh the uncomfort you are feeling? Can you switch to another group? When it came to sleep, maybe white noise or frequency could help? Or even meditation at nighttime, while one is not meant to fall asleep during, you may take advantage of the sleepiness it brings sometimes.

 

[Ender]

The point where one still has hope but reality denies it is the most painful, trust me I know.

Do you find the benefits of the therapy outweigh the uncomfort you are feeling? Can you switch to another group? When it came to sleep, maybe white noise or frequency could help? Or even meditation at nighttime, while one is not meant to fall asleep during, you may take advantage of the sleepiness it brings sometimes.

Therapy can outweigh the uncomfort, and it can help me feel better for a day. My group therapy group is the only one, and I also see a single therapist. I could try white noise and frequency. I did not know there were many other options to help sleep, I'm glad it's coming to my attention.

 

[EmbraceOfTheVoid]

I don't really have anything constructive to say but I'd highly recommend trying magnesium glycinate, it promotes sleep and gives you a feeling of calm for a short while. The latter effect was extremely noticeable to me every time I took it so I don't believe it's placebo as medication has never really had ny real positive effect for me emotionally. I don't take it anymore because the one I have is a pure powder of glycinate which requires mixing and I'm lazy.