Story A Bad day.

[Dr.Sleep (Im tired)]

Today started off good, i got out of my last lecture of the day looking out a fresh weekend. Then it hits me, i have to do this stupid thing for this stupid club i'm in. No biggie, everyone at the club is super smart and sociable, great people, at least so i thought. So, i go to the function after stopping by my room to take and leave things i would need. Honestly, the first hour went great, i was working, helping, and volunteering. Then it slowed down, So, i finish up some bookwork and classwork in a few classes. I eventually find myself starting to want to socialize with some acquaintances. So i do, i stand outside their conversation and force my way into it. Usually in a conversation or a group social thingy, everyone looks and actually cares about what people had to say and allow one to talk for their "allotment" of time. But no, unfortunately, i guess fucking not. i already have a natural disposition against people who are smarter than me. But i guess this was just too much for me. I didn't let them see that it upset me because that is just weak. Whatever

Then they start to talk about their mental illnesses. You know what, i'm fairly certain half of these people are just making shit up. I don't add anything, for me, illness is not a red badge of courage, but an ugly scar one would want to cover.

i get "home" (im in Uni, nothing is home), with an attitude that was shit and with the disposition that my weekend will be shit. I don't know. im just weak. im just nothing tbh. i just want to curl up and die, but alas, i chose life an i made a compact with myself. funny thing. funny funny thing. Im just rambling now. i guess i want comfort, but donw we all?????

( *Meow* )
/
^ ^

 

[hwaiting]

Today started off good, i got out of my last lecture of the day looking out a fresh weekend. Then it hits me, i have to do this stupid thing for this stupid club i'm in. No biggie, everyone at the club is super smart and sociable, great people, at least so i thought. So, i go to the function after stopping by my room to take and leave things i would need. Honestly, the first hour went great, i was working, helping, and volunteering. Then it slowed down, So, i finish up some bookwork and classwork in a few classes. I eventually find myself starting to want to socialize with some acquaintances. So i do, i stand outside their conversation and force my way into it. Usually in a conversation or a group social thingy, everyone looks and actually cares about what people had to say and allow one to talk for their "allotment" of time. But no, unfortunately, i guess fucking not. i already have a natural disposition against people who are smarter than me. But i guess this was just too much for me. I didn't let them see that it upset me because that is just weak. Whatever

Then they start to talk about their mental illnesses. You know what, i'm fairly certain half of these people are just making shit up. I don't add anything, for me, illness is not a red badge of courage, but an ugly scar one would want to cover.

i get "home" (im in Uni, nothing is home), with an attitude that was shit and with the disposition that my weekend will be shit. I don't know. im just weak. im just nothing tbh. i just want to curl up and die, but alas, i chose life an i made a compact with myself. funny thing. funny funny thing. Im just rambling now. i guess i want comfort, but donw we all?????

( *Meow* )
/
^ ^

That really sucks, sorry you had to go through that. I remember seeing posts on social media how the stress culture at my college is 'fabricated' and ivy leagues have it so much worse. I have no doubt that ivy league students have more to deal with, but that shouldn't minimize the experiences of everyone else. The experiences are real, the stress is real, these feelings shouldn't be invalidated.

I feel like it ties into a larger problem I've noticed, that you mention, of how trauma, mental illness, stress, etc. becomes this competition. There's this attitude that your feelings aren't valid, and you're just being overdramatic unless you've passed the bar, so to speak. It's like, oh, you've been SA'd? Wow that's rough, now I'm listening. Your parents got divorced and you took that really badly? Ok who cares, like everyone gets divorced nowadays. That kinda thing.

Anyways, I'm rambling. You deserve better. I hope you're able to find people that appreciate and support you. Hope your weekend goes ok